Written by Amanda Wasielewski
Illustrated and posted by Danielle Chortie
Once upon a time, in a land far far close there was this thing named . And there was this other thing named . And they lived together in a shack. And came over every day. And they drank. And watched. Then called her friend over. And started to strip and and 's mouths dropped. And counted the money. Then came over. As rushed to put her clothes back on, slithered down the chimney, though there was no chimney, so he ended up in the living room. Everyone was in the . So he went to the and everyone was gone, but he found a trail of $1 bills that led to . There he saw his girlfriend and all of her friends in plastic boxes on the shelf. He was really horny so he bought all of them, because he had enough money from the trail. Meanwhile, , , , and were watching. It was not a pretty sight. It was like meets . , , , and think it's great, so they add commentary. All of a sudden you hear yell, "Plastic puppies!" and everyone stops. looks around in fear, realizing everyone knows about his fetish. runs out of , leaving his dress and his heels behind. Everyone looks at each other and says, "What the hell was that?" After awhile of questioning, they all went back to and 's shack to party some more. They all passed out about 5am. The next day, they got a call from the , who told them all the filthy details about . That just made everyone's day. That day they found out some very sickening things about the one known as [[IDENTITY DISCLOSED]]. and decided to gather up a bunch of ESW wrestlers like , , , , and Sweater Guy , and along with and created a group called the . They set off to spy on and his ways. And they found out the reason why we sing "[[IDENTITY DISCLOSED]]'s an asshole." Every day, the would call them and tell them more details about and what he was doing. Whenever they asked who the is, he would hang up. Damn and for living in a shack and not having Caller ID! But, finally, after many nights of stripping for the wrestlers, made enough money to pay for Caller ID. So the next day, when the called, the name came up . So the mystery of the was solved, but not the mystery of why is such a perverted asshole. So, in the end, joined the ... , , , and continued to party every night and pass out at 5am... and went on with his perverted ways and lived happily in the plastic village of the .