dun nuh... dun nuh... Just one of those days when you don't wanna wake up Everything is fucked, everybody sucks Don't really know why But you wanna justify rippin' someone's head off No human contact But if you interact, your life is on contract Your best bet is to stay away motha fucka It's just one of those days It's all about the he said she said bullshit I think you better quit, lettin' shit slip Or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip It's all about the he said she said bullshit I think you better quit, talkin' that shit... "Yeah, yeah, cut the music," Marc Mandrake said into the microphone, as he, his valet Ferrari, and 21st Century Fox stood in the middle of the OSPW ring. "Tonight is OSPW Civil War, and me and my team are gonna kick Chris Halen's team's ass!" The crowd cheered as Fox and Ferrari applauded. Mandrake continued. "Ya know something Chris Halen," Mandrake directed towards the locker room. "You said I'm banned from hardcore. Well I think that's a bunch of bullshit. I can't believe - " Ferrari grabbed the microphone. "OK, Marc.... calm down," she laughed and pulled a beer out of her pocket. "Here, drink this. I'll take over the talking, ya know, since some people seem to have a problem with the, uh, swearing thing." The crowd laughed, and Mandrake leaned up against the turnbuckle, drinking his beer. "But Halen, Mandrake's right," Ferrari said. "How can you ban Marc Mandrake from hardcore? You think you're gonna stop Mandrake and Ferrari from kicking ahh.... um... " She paused. "From kicking butt," she smiled and Fox laughed. "HaRdKoRe style all over the country?!" Just then, Chris Halen's music hit, and he, Randy Walker, and the Sons of Thunder walked out to the ring. The SoT were carrying a big box with them, and set it down in the ring. "Oh great," Halen said. "Mandrake's little girlfriend is now shooting her mouth off." Ferrari made a face at Halen, as she, Mandrake, and Fox looked quizzically at the box. "Well I've got a little surprise for the House of Pain tonight," Halen laughed evilly. The SoT and Walker nodded in agreement, and pointed towards the box. "Go on guys, open the box." The SoT carefully opened the box, revealing a strange contraption with lights and buttons and levers. The representatives of the Halen Family of Wrestling grinned as the House of Pain just gave each other strange looks. "What do you think, Mandrake?" Halen said proudly. Mandrake took the mic from Ferrari's hand, and before she could stop him... "What the fuck is it??" Halen looked hurt. "What do you MEAN, what is it?? It's a teleporter, dammit!!!" Ferrari and Fox looked at each other, and both mouthed the word, 'teleporter?'. Halen was upset; he was not getting the reaction he wanted. "Don't you get it??? I'm sending the House of Pain far away! I'm sending you to outer space!" Mandrake, Ferrari, and Fox burst out laughing. "Halen," Mandrake said. "You're a crazy bastard." "And a lanky bastard," Ferrari added, which got the Gonads Fan Club in the crowd cheering. Halen was livid. "That's it. Deacon! Throw the switch! Send 21st Century Fox, the Oompa Loompa, and his annoying little girlfriend out to space!" Deacon threw the switch, and the machine rumbled, smoked, and there was a great flash in the middle of the ring. And 3 OSPW stars were missing... Mandrake and Ferrari landed on the floor in a heap. "God dammit," Mandrake said, standing up and extending a hand to Ferrari. "Where the fuck are we?" Ferrari looked around, seeing buttons, monitors, switches, and a huge window that looked out into... space. "Oh man," Ferrari said, then looked around again. "Where's Foxy?" "Fuckin A," a voice from the other room said. Mandrake and Ferrari looked at each other. That wasn't Foxy. "Fucking Halen, always fucks things up." "Walker???" Mandrake and Ferrari said in surprise. "Yeah, it's me," Walker said, rubbing the back of his head. "Fucking Halen screwed something up on the machine. I am NOT supposed to be here." "Why are we here anyways?" Ferrari asked. "I'm not even sure," Walker said. "Halen said he was gonna get rid of the House of Pain, that's all that mattered to me. But now, lucky me, I'm stuck with you two." "Awww, miss your 'alone time' with Halen?" Mandrake laughed. Ferrari giggled. "Shut the fuck up," Walker said, and started messing with some dials. "I gotta see if I can get a hold of Halen...." After a little more messing around, some static went up on the window, and then tuned into Chris Halen in the middle of the OSPW ring. "Randy!" Halen was relieved. "Are you ok??? Something went wrong with the machine! Bishop is trying to fix it, so we can get you back down here and - " "Yeah, yeah, way to go, asshole," Walker said. "Now I'm stuck on a spaceship with the second coming of Mick Foley, and his girlfriend, the 14 year old wannabe biker chick." "Hey!" Ferrari protested. "I'm 19!" "Whatever," Walker said. "I swear, Walker, I will fix this," Halen said. "But until then, I'm afraid you'll have to deal with the same punishment I'm giving to Mandrake and Ferrari." "Punishment?" Mandrake laughed. "How the hell are YOU going to punish ME? Ya fuckin' toothpick." "Oh, you'll see, Mandrake, you'll see," Halen grinned. "Here, let me give you a formal introduction.... Marc Mandrake, Ferrari, ... *sighs* Walker..." Walker glares at Halen. "Sorry," Halen sighed again and continued. "Welcome to the Satellite of Club Evil! Here is where you will spend the rest of... well... however long I decide to keep you up here... and you will spend that time, riffing spam e-mails, horrible short stories, and anything else in print I decide to throw your way!" Mandrake gave Halen a blank stare. Walker shook his head in disgust. Ferrari raised her hand. "What do you want?" Halen said. "Um... lemme get this straight... you sent us up here on a satellite... to make fun of awful literary works?" "Yes." "This sounds AWFULLY familiar...." "Quiet, rookie." "I'm just saying, Halen," Ferrari said. "You're not very creative. Besides the fact that you screwed it up anyways and sent your boy up here." "Shut up!" Halen whined. "It's not my fault. Someone must have hit the wrong switch!" Halen looked accusingly at Deacon. Deacon and Bishop gave Halen threatening looks. "OK, OK, maybe I messed up." "That's the understatement of the year," Walker muttered. "Walker, I all ready told you, I'm sorry. I'll fix this." "Whatever, Halen." "Alright, that's it," Halen said. "You guys are doing your first riff... NOW." Red lights began flashing all over the satellite, and a sliding door opened. Mandrake, Ferrari, and Walker all looked at each other, shrugged, and walked through the door. They entered a small movie theatre, with only 5 seats. Mandrake sat in the first seat, Ferrari sat right next to him, and Walker sat in the last seat. "Awww, Walker doesn't like us," Ferrari giggled. "Just wanted to make sure you two have your own little area over there," Walker said. "So you can keep your mess to yourselves." "Dude," Marc said. "That's so not cool. She's my manager." "Uh huh." "Whatever," Ferrari said. "Let's just do this and get it overwith." "You're pretty smart for a 14 year old," Walker smirked. "You're an ass," Ferrari said. "OK, let's just do this," Marc said. "OK," Ferrari and Walker agreed. << >>> Ferrari: Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! [raptor noise] Marc: *laughs* *makes groundhog noise* Walker: Oh God, why me. <<>> Ferrari & Walker: *laugh* Ferrari: God, why. Walker: I'm gonna kill Halen. <<>> Marc: OK, which one of you signed up? Ferrari: Not me. Walker: Me either. Marc: Well it wasn't me. ALL: Halen. <<>> Ferrari: All places I would rather be right now. Marc: *laughs* That's right. <<>> Walker: All places that Halen would love to see, but never will, because I'm gonna kill him. <<< seat at this Free Dinner Conference will be reserved for you and your guest when your RSVP from our website. Learn more about the Conference and RSVP - Click Here or Call 1-800-444-0594 ext. 7715 >>> Walker: Ooooh an 800 number! Marc: Walker, I'm definitely thinking it's not one of THOSE 800 numbers. Walker: Dammit. <<>> Ferrari: Yeah, put porn on it. <<>> Ferrari: Where? Marc: Right there. Ferrari: Where? Marc: *walks up to the screen, and puts his finger right on 'Click Here'* Right here. Ferrari: Oh! *runs up to the screen, and repeatedly pokes the words 'Click Here'* Dammit! It's not working!!! Marc & Ferrari: *laugh hysterically as they sit back down* Walker: I'm gonna kill Halen. <<>> Walker: Stupid 800 number.... I want porn! <<<**Note: Dinner Conferences are exclusive events available through this emailed invitation only. Limit one guest per reservation. See web site for remaining availability. This invitation has been furnished by Netregnow.com.>>> Walker: Note: Randy Walker kicking Chris Halen's ass is an exclusive event available when Walker gets off this satellite only. Limits will be broken. See Halen take the Styles Clash for the rest of his remaining life. This invitation has been furnished by Halenisacocksucker.com. Marc & Ferrari: So young, so angry, damn that rap music. <<>> Walker: *gets up and walks to screen* Marc: Dude, what are you doing? Walker: You guys might actually have something with this 'click here' thing... *pokes the screen and waits* ...Fuck. *sits back down, sulking* Ferrari: We know Walker... we know. <<<2333 East Pacific Coast Hwy., Suite D, Corona del Mar, CA 92625 >>> Walker: Dude! Let's go there and kick their ass!!! Marc: Walker... Walker: What? Marc: Take a look around ya, dude. Walker: *sighs* I know, I know... We're stuck. <<>> Ferrari: *starts to get up, but then sits back down* Nevermind... it's not worth the walk up there. <<>> Ferrari: Hey! Marc: Wha? Ferrari: That's a different address! Walker: They're con-artists. They move around a lot. Ferrari: Bastards. Marc: Damn rat commie bastards. Ferrari: Exactly. Walker: Hey, is that it? Ferrari: Yeah, I think so. Marc, Walker, and Ferrari all leave the theatre and walk back into the main room of the satellite. Chris Halen is on the screen, grinning. "So, what did you think?" "I think you should get me the fuck outta here," Walker said. "I'm working on it, Walker, I swear." "Well work a little faster." "OK. Anyways, Mandrake, how about you?" "Dude, Halen, you're a dumb bastard," Marc laughed. "That was just pointless." "Yeah Halen," Ferrari agreed. "You're just a dumb lanky bastard." "Well... I... but... DAMMIT," Halen stammered. "I'll find something more torturous for you." "Halen, what is the point of trapping us up here?" Marc asked. "Probably the same reason they did it on Mystery Science Theatre... to make us go psycho because of the awfulness," Ferrari said. "Yes. I want to destroy your brains!" Halen grinned. "Through spam e-mails?" Marc said. "Halen, you'd have better luck just having the Halen Family pummel me with chairshots." "I... I... shut up!" Halen said angrily. "I like my idea much better. There's a reason why I'm the CEO of OSPW!" "Yeah, so your wife, the commissioner, can let you pretend to have power. When she's the one who really runs the show," Ferrari laughed. "Shut up, rookie. I'll get you for that." "Oh, I'm so scared, Halen," Ferrari said. "You better be!" "Halen!" Walker said, sick of the bickering. "Shut up, and go work on getting me back down there." "OK Walker," Halen said. "As for you two, Ferrari and Mandrake, you just wait until the next piece of garbage I send you." The image of Halen then turned to static, and then turned into the stars that were outside. "Garbage?" Marc laughed. "But I thought I was garbage! Or so everyone in New York thinks." Ferrari laughed too. "Well, that is one good thing about being up here. We're not in New York!" "That's right!" "How can you see this as a good thing?" Walker asked. "Dude, what are you bummin' about?" Marc said. "Halen's gonna let you down from here. Me and Ferrari just gotta wait it out." "Yeah," Ferrari agreed. "It's Halen," Walker said. "You think he can actually FIX this?" "Oh yeah," Ferrari sighed. "Good point. ...But, we're not all that bad, are we? I mean, come on, the 3 of us DID have fun as Breaking Point, didn't we?" "Yeah, I guess," Walker said. "You guys don't hate me because I'm alligned with Halen?" "Ehhh," Marc said. "We ain't near a wrestling ring. I think we can get along." Walker nodded. "Alright. ... Hey, ya think there's a way to teleport ourselves back to Earth from up here?" Mandrake and Ferrari shrugged. "Who knows, dude," Marc said. "We could try." ---Can Breaking Point get along?--- ---And will they find a way back to Earth?--- ---These questions, and more, (probably not) answered in the next OSPW MWT3K!---