Title: SOE Satellite Subtitle: Getting To Know You Author: Missy Email: webmiss@nasty-dress.net This Part: 1 Parts total: 1 Rating: PG-13 Content: mild language sexual innuendo. Characters: Evolution, Stephanie McMahon, Eugene, William Regal Category: Humor, parody Het/Slash/Both: Gen Summary: A New satellite is launched... Archical rights: Automatic archival at the BCE Archive, Kai's Page, ND.net, Wrestlefic.com, and WM. All others may ask, send a URL, and provide full disclaimers as well as credit me fully. Please inform me if you are going to submit my work to any sort of search engine. Please do not submit my work to a search engine that picks out random sets of words and uses them as key words, such as "Google" Distribution rights: Please contact me in order for this story to be placed on an archive, or if you want know of a friend who would enjoy my works, please email me their address and I will mail them the stories, expressly for the purpose of link trading. MiSTiers are welcomed! Please do inform me that you'd like to do the MiSTing, however, and send me a copy of the finished product. I'd also love to archive any MiSTings that are made of my work! Disclaimer: Stephanie McMahon, et. Al are proprietized by themselves; Stephanie McMahon , as well as any other WWF c and TM character name, is C and TM WWFE Inc.,. It is not meant to reflect on the sexuality of the actual involved parties. This piece of fanfiction is not intended to misrepresent actual events and bare no resemblance to any event that has ever occurred in reality, past or present. It is not meant to disparage the used character trademarks or used persons. No copyright infringement is intended, and the author is not making any money from the publication of this story. NOTE: A Fic to establish my satellite! **** (You see a satellite. A large, white satellite...that sort of looks like a champagne glass. Remember all those lies they told you about no one in space being able to hear you scream? Well, if you listen closely enough, you'll realize that those people are full of it...) (As you zoom in through a porthole, you come upon what appears to be a very plush living room, predominated by an overstuffed couch upholstered with red velvet. It looks like James Brown exploded in there. And someone looks extremely unhappy about it) RIC FLAIR (Entering from an unseen right): Someone fucked up, and heads're gonna roll! (He shakes his head in disgust and begins to yell) RANDY! RAN-DY! RANDY ORTON (Crawling out from beneath the monstrous couch): Yeah? RIC: Okay, wiseguy; first off, what are you doing under the couch? RANDY: -expectantly-: I was looking for an ejection button. RIC: Do you think Stephanie's that stupid? RANDY: -after a long pause-: Yes. RIC: -shaking head-: Poor kid. Do you happen to know if there's an outlet around here anywhere? RANDY: Oh, Ric, enough with the popcorn! And enough with the Mid-South tapes! RIC: Hey, pally, if I want to put myself into a Harley-Race-induced coma, that's my right. RANDY: Not when it's five minutes to the Man Show! RIC: Either find me an electrical outlet or shut your mouth, got it? (Ric begins to search for an electrical outlet. While Randy rolls his eyes, Ric searches and searches...until he finds the camera that has been recording them! And so he screams. But it's a very manly scream.) RANDY: I like having ears that work! RIC: There! The walls! There's a camera in the wall! (Randy walks over squats down, poking his finger against the lens) RANDY: Damn. I thought my subscription to Voyeur Dome ran out last week! RIC: You know, I'd normally waste a little extra energy explaining to you how stupid that sounds, but I think finding Hunter's a little more important now. (CUT TO: A bedroom, done up in a modernest flavor. Lots of metalics and grey and black. Sitting at a dressing table is Hunter, who stares, blankly, at what appears to be a championship belt.) HUNTER: -to himself-: When did I lose it? RIC -entering from the left, through open door-: Senior year in high school. HUNTER -turning and wincing-: Okay, what did we learn about knocking when we were on earth? RIC: Screw the rules! We're in space! And I'm the... RANDY AND HUNTER -simultaneously-: King of Space Mountain. RIC: King Of...Look, I don't need this crap. I'm stuck on a satelite in the middle of space without any pussy. HUNTER: Yeah, and if you don't get any pussy, you'll blow up, right? RANDY: I will! HUNTER -shaking head-: I wanted to be alone. RIC: Not an option any more, kid. And by that, I mean 'ever again'. (Hunter stares down Ric, trying to ascertain if 'Space Madness' is contageous. Ric repeatedly cocks his head to the right. After such prompting, Hunter walks over to what seems to be a wall..and realizes that his room, too, has a camera in it.) HUNTER: Randy, I thought you cancelled your Vouyr Dome subscription. RANDY: That's what I said! RIC: Well, boys, we're infested with more bugs than Missy Hyatt! HUNTR: And I don't have anything to do with this one, so don't blame it on me! (Batista enters, zipping up his pants) BATISTA: Anyone know there's a camera in the crapper? RANDY: Well, since we have an audience, maybe our leader would like to tell the world how we ended up on the Satellite of Evolution. HUNTER: Okay...The year was 2004. Halle Barry taught us to laugh again by starring in 'Catwoman'. America fell in love with a midget named Charla, and once there were four little boys that graduated from a wrestling accadamy... (The screen dissolves into a montage of shots of Ric, Randy and Batista failing at such mundane tasks as signing an autograph, carrying baggage and speaking to a promoter) HUNTER -VO-: No one in the WWE seemed to recognize their talent. That's where I came in. My name is Hunter. (Just as the screen lights up in a burst of fire to show Ric, Randy and Batista posed in a Charlie's Angels-esque manner, the image suddenly cuts off and we're returned to a shot of Randy, Ric, Batista and Hunter in Hunter's bedroom) RIC: Uh, that's Charlie's Angels. RANDY: If I remember right, Stephanie caught you cheating on her with a copy of Maxim.... HUNTER: It was Charisma Carpenter! You expect me to resist that? RIC: Whoo! I hear that! RANDY: ...oh yeah. Plus the Eugene thing. (TIME ELAPSE: CUT TO: MAIN SITTNG ROOM, WITH EXTREMELY UGLY SOFA. Everyone is sitting together on said sofa. Ric is happily watching Harley Race videos, and everyone else looks extremely bored) RANDY: -to himself-: Could be watching Juggies in catsuits, but nooo.... (A red light begins to flash on a counter beside the couch.) HUNTER: Someone hit that button. RANDY: I thought you were the fearless leader. HUNTER: Only when a bowl of popcorn isn't lodged between my thighs. (Randy hits the button) (CUT TO: STEPHANIE MCMAHON, IN WHAT LOOKS TO BE A BASEMENT, SURROUNDED BY EUGENE AND WILLIAM REGAL) STEPHANIE: Is everyone settled in up there? (CUT TO: SOE) RANDY: Why didn't anyone tell me there's another TV up here? HUNTER: Yeah, we're fine. (CUT TO: SM, WR, E) STEPHANIE: Hunter, we could solve this whole problem with two little words from everyone involved, now couldn't we? (CUT TO: SOE) HUNTER: It was a MAXIM! (CUT TO SM) STEPHANIE: Well, since none of you seem to be in the mood to apologize, I thought I'd introduce my friend Eugene to tell you what you have in store! EUGENE: Fish swim in the river, and cows go moo...aw, to heck with this! -changes voice- you boys are going to learn the meaning of discipline! Isn't that right, Stephanie? STEPHANIE: Yes, Eugene, the cow goes moo! (Eugene rolls his eyes and begins to say something, only to be interrupted by Regal) REGAL: Perhaps I can explain what Miss McMahon is trying to say. You see, you are contractually obligated to remain on the satellite for one year, during which your lives will be broadcast to the Internet at large. (CUT TO SOE) RANDY: I always wanted a webcam! (CUT TO WR) REGAL: Yes...of course, you will also be required to entertain your massive fanbase by suffering a little. You see, Stephanie had partnered with the Evilos Corporation to bring you the worst in text documents! STEPHANIE: And you made fun of me for spending hours on usenet. Who's laughing now, Hunter, huh?! (CUT TO THE SOE, where no one at all is laughing. In fact, everyone looks a little...stunned). (CUT TO SM) STEPHANIE: The posting begins in two days! (CUT TO THE SOE. Randy is glaring at Hunter, Hunter has his head in his hands, Ric stares at the sky, and Batista is watching the TV screen) RANDY: What now, oh leader? HUNTER: I Should've been born a walrus! RIC: I'm too old for this shit! BATISTA: -to the TV screen-: You call that a backdrop?! (FADE OUT)