Rated in between PG-13 and R for Language and sexual references, but seeing as how the FCC is influencing the MPAA, its probably R Scene I Marc Mandrake was in the area one day, so he just decided to watch an ESW show, live. So, he sat with Amanda, Justin and Justin's dad. Once the show was over, Justin left with his dad. ESW's Ring Announcer, Jordan Olivencia came over to hug Amanda, and TSK pushed him out of the way, "You'll be sorry, Eric Summerville!" said Jordan, as he pulled out what looked like a lazer gun. Amanda and Marc both ran towards TSK at full speed and pushed him out of the way, just as Jordan pulled the trigger and, Mandrake and Amanda were gone. "Where the fuck are they, you son of a bitch?" asked TSK "Where you should've been, outer space, looking at the rot n luk-made fan fictions" "YOU BASTARD, bring them back!" "I can't bring them back, they will automatically come back." "WHEN?" "Once they've gone through all of the fan fictions, of course" "What the fuck reason is there to do this you bastard???" "It was revenge to you, for you pushing me away from Amanda, but I was supposed to hit you, not them, why did they have to push you out of the way? "Why the fuck did they have to push me out of the way???" Scene II As he was saying that, Amanda and Marc were just arriving at the "Olivencia Satelite" "Where in da hell are we?" asked Marc. "We're in space..." "Aw shit, I forgot to pack sunscreen..." "It's okay Marc, I brought mine" "SILENCE!!!" Said Jordan over the loud speakers, "Enough wisecracks out of the two of you, you will be forced to listen to Justin's Fan Fictions be read, by bonzibuddy." "As punishment for what?" Asked Amanda. "Nothing, I just like watching you suffer" Said Jordan. "Now, I present you with Chapter One of Leningen Through the Monkey's Pocket" "Hey, it would be awesome if we turned this into play-style writing for Scene III!" said Marc "WHY?" Asked Amanda and Jordan "Because the writer is too lazy to write asked, said, and etc. anymore" Scene III RotNLuk's Justin Chortie presents: Leningen through the Monkey's Pocket In The Beginning Marc: What is this, the bible? "Hello There! I am Justin Chortie, and I am your Amanda: Worst Nightmare host of RotNLuk TeleVision's new reality television show, Haunted Crib. M: Jeez. This sounds riveting Where we stick four or more? A: That's foreshadowing, if I've ever seen it innocent people in a haunted mansion and they have to survive four months in the mansion. M: I hope this fan fiction isn't four months long! The last person to survive gets One million Euros, which is actually higher than an American Million, now." A: Whoop-dee-doo, What does it all mean Basil??? Said Justin Chortie, one of the three co-owners of a website (rotnluk.com) and its newly made television channel. M: Hey, It could happen "And now let's introduce the competitors!" A: That's a boring line "Weighing in at a muscular two-hundred pounds, M: You call that muscular? a veteran with an attitude, A: Where's Lance Storm, to help us rate this on the boring- ometer? the one, the only, Sergeant Major Morris." M & A: WHO? Said Michael Buffer, legendary, boxing and wrestling announcer. A: Oh, so Michael Buffer's in this too, eh?? "You're a Grand Old Flag" starts playing as he comes into the mansion, waving a flag. M: When did Sarge get here, maggots? "I'd just like everyone to remember, never dabble with the art of magic. M & A: Danny Magic? I have gotten in trouble for doing this. A: Deep deep trouble, trouble! In fact, I lost a few friends from a little Monkey's Paw M: Is that a wrestling move? A: NO Marc, it's a good luck charm that gave him three wishes M: Damn, I'm always trying to improve my repitoir! A: What repetoir? M: Hey! Don't you start with that! that I used for three wishes." Said the US veteran A: Can you run it into the ground? He was in a war, zippedy doo dah, zippedee day, A wonderful feeling, Square dancing this way! "Coming into the castle, an amazing man, who took on billions of little ants M: With his enormous gonads in swarms, with the help of the people that worked on his A: FUCK farm, the new king of pest-control, Leningen!" Announced Mister Buffer. "William Tell" starts playing as Leningen enters the castle. M: Yee-haw! A: Ride em' cowboy! M: Amanda, don't ever say that again! A: I'll try to remember that. M: Okay! "The human brain needs only A: Porn to become fully aware of its powers to conquer even M: Marc Mandrake the elements" said Leningen "And now, a man who works a desk job, A: Mark Raiff? M: Who's that? A: Fuck you, Mandrake! a man who almost gave up his life for work, M: Me? but learned family is more important, A: I think that cancels you out! M: Yeah. You're right. A: I Know :) the only family man to appear on this show, Tom Benecke!" Said Michael. The "Leave it to Beaver" theme starts playing as Tom Benecke enters. M: Beaver Cleavage? "I'd like to dedicate this show to my wife, she is going to keep half of my earnings." Tom said. A: Doesn't that mean they're divorced? "And finally, The only british person on the show, and the first ever child to be a cast member of a reality TV show, Jerry!" Announced Michael M: Yippy-Skippy??? "Beethoven's Ninth A: Have there been nine of those crappy movies already? Symphony" starts playing as Jerry walks into the castle. M: Wait a minute, weren't we in a mansion before? "I'm eleven years old, I just recently traveled to France, A: FRENCH TOAST! went through a really long M: Heh, heh, LONG! tunnel underwater and almost drowned A: Yeah, I'm sure you drowned from the water... but I went through it, M: It, or him? and I became a better A: Gayer person for it. "For the eight in attendance M: Such a fan base! and the millions watching at home, A: TV channels don't start out with ratings like that. Let's get ready to rumble!" M: David Arquette? Shouted Michael Buffer. "How many times have I heard that before?" Justin Chortie whispered to the other two co-owners, his sister, Danielle, and cousin, Amanda. A: Who is that sexy cousin of his? M: I thought she was kind of ugly! A: Don't make me go psycho on yo ass, biz-otch! "Too Many!" They both said as they chuckled madly. M: How can you chuckle madly, I've heard of chuckling warmly, but not madly... He still remembers the day that he got the idea for the show. A: I smell a flashback He remembers being assigned to write a short story in english class and realized he should write about a reality TV show involving four of the characters that the class looked at. At this time he didn't know that all the stories were actually non-fiction and the people really existed. M: I see the origins of this boring piece of crap! "Ah! those were the days" A: Damn over-used cliches Said Justin to his now bored sister. M: That's probably gonna happen alot now, seeing as I'm in space... A: It's okay Marc, she'll probably find another wrestler to fu... manage M: Oh, Gee, thanks Amanda! "How many times have you told me that story?" Said Danielle, his sister. "I mean really, so what, if this is going to make or break us as a Television channel." A: Danielle wouldn't say that! "It will definitely make us..." M: Justin made himself the main character and the hero in this story, just like he does in every other cra... A: I wouldn't insult him if I were you? M: Why is that? A: Because he's writing this story, and if you insult him, he'll probably kill you off M: Like I was saying, there's no better choice for a main character and hero in a story than Justin Chortie. said justin "Because we don't have anything else to show, this is all we will show, what's going on twenty-four hours a day, and seven days a week, A: Hardcore Title? until three of them give in and one is declared the winner. M: Fatal Four-way elimination? Limp Bizkit's song: "Break Stuff" started playing. A: Who the fuck comes out to this crappy music? The contestants became very confused. M: They're not confused, they're stupid, it's there god-given right! "I have a big surprise for all of you contestants! A: You can go for the fish, or you can get what's in the box that hirosan is bringing down the aisle, right now! There will be a fifth cast member of the show!" M: Godzilla? Said Danielle, menacingly, as her and her fellow partners exhanged knowing looks A: What exactly is a knowing look? , and the cast looked confused. M: As I said before, that's stupidity, not confusion "Coming into the castle one of the greatest hardcore wrestlers in A: Trashy Western New York history, Marc Mandrake!" Shouted Michael Buffer. Marc walked into the castle, with a kendo stick and a water bottle in his hands, his CBGB shirt on, and his blue pants that say Mandrake on the sides; and hugged Danielle. M: God, how sexy can this fiction get? A: I know, you miss Danielle! M: No, I like to look at myself though! "The four of you most likely don't have the A: Nutter butters? gonads to survive in a castle with M: Mizzel-Mandrizzel? Marc Mandrake!" "Now, remember Marc we're not going to go easy on you because you're a friend of ours" A: That's right! Justin said, as Danielle gave him a dirty look. M: Go Danielle! "Danielle might, but Amanda and I won't." A: We sure as hell won't! M: Hey... A: Marc, it was in the interest of fairness! "LET THE GAMES BEGIN!" M: Do you have any eardrops? screamed Amanda at the top of her lungs. A: Don't question my authoritah! Danielle, Amanda, and Justin left the five cast members and Michael Buffer, who is currently serving as the on-screen host, in the mansion. M: YEE-HAW!! A: Now let's get back to that hell-hole of a space station to annoy Jordan some more! M: OTAY!