TITLE: Lions and dragons and snakes, oh my! AUTHOR: Serra EMAIL: sprise@innernet.net RATING: PG (some cursing by the MiSTers) DISCLAIMER: All wrestling characters are owned by the WWF. The story being MiSTed belongs to its original author, who goes by the pen name Scorpina. I mean no personal disrespect to her, and I'm not making any money off of this, so please be kind ... don't sue. DISTRIBUTION: Please ask first. ********** The lights dim, a large screen descends from the ceiling and the story comes into focus. << Year of the dragon >> Jericho: This is a Ricky Steamboat story? Taker: I doubt it. << by Scorpina >> Benoit: Isn't that the name of a Pokemon character? Kane: No, you're thinking of Nidorina. The other men stare at Kane. Taker: How do you know that? Kane: I watch the cartoon. Jericho and Benoit start laughing hysterically; Taker shakes his head. Jericho (still laughing): Let me guess, you play the card game, too. Kane (blushing): Only a couple of times. Taker: I think we need to find you a new hobby. Kane: I'll have you know it's a very complex game! At least I don't collect my own action figures like SOME people in this room. Taker: Every action figure I have has been a gift from a fan. Kane: Don't even try it! I saw you carrying three of them to the check-out counter when we were in Wal-Mart yesterday. Taker (shifting uncomfortably in his chair): Can we just get on with the story? << Chapter 1 >> Jericho: Of how many? Kane: It's hard to tell ... it depends on how pissed off Serra is. <> Taker: Oh god ... I should have known that Austin fic was just a decoy! << "I tell ya Kane, you'll love this place! I mean, this is where I got started!" Taker said. >> Benoit (looking at Taker): I didn't know you started on the Japanese circuit. Taker: I didn't - I started in the South. << Kane was looking out the window. >> Kane: Wondering what the hell I did to deserve being stuck in a foreign country with Taker. Taker: Watch it! << "Are you gonna leave me there?" Kane asked. >> Kane: Oh great, I'm being characterized like a whiny 3-year-old. << Taker chuckled. >> Jericho: That's a first! << "Naw!...I would have done that when I was 7!" Taker laughed, the plane landed. >> Kane: Seven, 37 ... what's the difference? Taker growls. << Once everyone got out of the plane, Taker took Kane to the hotel. There they unpacked and got ready for their week off. "Now this is good!" Taker purred. >> Kane: I don't really like where this is going. Benoit: I know - first he chuckles, then he purrs. It IS a little unbelievable. Kane: What bothers me is that he's purring AT ME! Benoit: I didn't even notice that ... eew! << Kane looked at the bathrooms, they were odd compared to the ones in the states. >> Jericho (laughing): Taker's purring in your ear and YOU'RE looking at the bathroom? Tisk, tisk. Kane and Taker growl. << "How do you work the bathroom?" Kane asked. Taker laughed again. >> Jericho, Benoit and Taker laugh; Kane blushes and slumps down in his chair. << "It's computer activated! It's one of the new advances they got here in Japan! Neat no?" Taker asked. >> Jericho (still laughing): Only you would be fascinated by a commode, Taker. Taker: I don't know, those electronic litter boxes are kinda neat. I wouldn't mind not having to flush. Jericho: I rest my case. << "I just wanted to know how you flush it!" Kane replied. Taker took Kane out to town, >> Taker: Wait a minute, isn't something missing there? One minute we're standing in the bathroom admiring the toilet, and the next, we're in town? How the hell did that happen? Benoit: Maybe you twitched your nose and teleported. Kane: Stranger things HAVE happened in these fics - especially with us. << There were meay things odd and different. >> Benoit: Is it too early to start bitching about misspelled words? Taker: Just try to ignore them - otherwise you'll end up giving yourself an ulcer. << Like smoked rabbits hanging upside down in window shops. Eels, raw fish, shark fins. >> Jericho: I thought it was illegal to hunt sharks for their fins. Taker: It is in most parts of the world. << "Do they got a pizza place?" Kane asked. "Unless you like squid on it!" Taker smirked. >> All (shuddering): Gross! << "Why did you even bring me here?" Kane asked. >> Jericho: For some good, old-fashioned brotherly bonding, of course! << "It's for experience! Come on Kane, be a sport and try something new! That's why we are having sushi!" >> Kane: We could have stayed in the States and had sushi. Benoit: You have no sense of adventure. Kane: I go to autograph signings - that's about as much adventure as I can handle. << "Susih?" >> Jericho: No, suSHI. << "Raw fish!" Taker explained. >> Benoit: You know, that stuff in the window beside the rabbits and shark fins. << "I wanna go home!" Kane whimpered. >> Taker (sighing): Don't we all. << "I'll take ya to a place that will be less scarry for ya!" >> Benoit: Has anyone else noticed that most of the dialog ends in exclamation marks? Taker: Maybe Scorpina's computer has a malfunctioning period key. << Taker led Kane to an old temple which was built quite a distance from the city. >> Kane: Oh yeah, an old temple in the middle of nowhere - that's not nearly as scary as a bustling city street. << Kane was fasinated by the structure, a red and black dragon guarded the entrance. "I swear, that thing looks just like ya!" Taker smirked. >> Kane: This is not good. Not good at all. << They walked inside, there was a monk. But he had a huge smile on his face! >> Benoit: Don't monks USUALLY smile? They are supposedly at one with the universe, after all. << "Takerson!" he laughed. "You know him?" Kane asked. >> Taker: Never seen him before. Jericho: Well, he obviously knows you! Taker: Everyone who sees me on TV every week THINKS they know me. Benoit: Not that you're bitter, or anything. << "Kane this is my teacher! he taught me meny things here!" >> Benoit: Except how to spell. << "And this must be little brother you talk about?" the monk asked. >> Kane: Why does everybody say that? I'm NOT little! Benoit: It's only a figure of speech. Kane (pouting): Well I don't like it! << "Yes, this is Kane" Taker explained. "Here, you are not Kane....here you are Ryo!" he said, Kane looked at Taker. >> Kane (looking at Taker): What the hell kinda name is that? Taker: How should I know? Kane: He's YOUR teacher! Taker: It's FICTION, Kane - it's NOT real! Kane (pouting again): Well it's STILL a stupid name! << "Ryo?" he asked. "I said I knew Japanses, but this is greek to me!" Taker mumblmed back.>> All the men groan. Jericho: Japanses? I never knew there was more than one. Benoit: And how do you mumblm? Taker: I told you it was going to be BAD fan fiction, didn't I? Benoit: Yeah, but I just assumed that the plot would be bad - not the grammar, spelling and punctuation. Taker: You know what they say about assumptions. << "You must join us, come!" The monk led Kane and Taker to the main halls, this is where it gets interesting! >> Benoit: I don't like it when people have to TELL me it's going to get interesting. << Chapter 2 >> Benoit: Yipee! << The monk led Taker and Kane to the main room, there was a table set up for eating. >> Benoit: As opposed to what? Kane: Getting a massage. Taker: Playing cards. Jericho: The strippers to dance on. << "We would be hounered if you and little brother Ryo join us!" he said. >> Kane: I hate that name! Taker: Deal with it. << "My name is..." >> Benoit: Too bad Rock isn't here. << Kane was about to shoot back, but Taker gabbed him in the side with his elbow. >> Benoit: Why do people refuse to use spell check? << "We would be delighted!" Taker replied. As the master monk walked away. Kane stared at his older brother. "Kane listen, when the master renames you...take it as a compliment! He gave you a special name to remember you!" Taker growled. >> Jericho: Do you FEEL special, Kane? Kane: Hardly. << "Well how am I sappose to know! As far as I know Ryo means crazy man, or it could be fire demon!" Kane shot back. >> Benoit: Are you always this paranoid? Kane: Only when I'm trapped in a foreign country with Taker. << "We will ask him later what it means, but we need to get ready for tonight's feast!" "We are dressed Taker!" Kane replied. >> Benoit: That's a relief! << "No we aren't, our clothing is unacceptable! We need to change!" Taker replied. >> Jericho begins laughing hysterically; the other men stare at him as he doubles over in his chair. Taker: What's so funny? Jericho (gasping for breath): Y-y-you! Taker (raising an eyebrow): Me? Jericho (sitting up and wiping tears off his face): Y-yes, you! Taker (staring at Kane): I don't get it. Kane shrugs. Jericho (in as deep a voice as he can manage): Our clothing is unacceptable! He bursts into another fit of laughter. Taker: I still don't see what's so funny. Benoit: Look at yourself - jeans, ripped T-shirt, bandana. When's the last time you gave a damn what you look like? Undertaker and Kane look at each other and shrug while Jericho continues to cackle. << One of the younger monks bowed and led Taker and Kane to a room, there were 2 large bath robe like articals of clothing. >> Benoit (with a smirk): And fuzzy slippers to match. Taker and Kane growl at him. << (Or Kimonos, that's what they are called.) >> Taker: Thank you for enlightening us. Kane: Do men wear kimonos? Benoit: Does it REALLY matter? Kane: Probably not. << "Odd....Black and blue" Kane smirked. But there was one in the corner, it had a dragon on it, there was Japanese on it, and below it, it said Ryo! >> Jericho (with a laugh): I get the feeling they were expecting you. Kane (sighing): Lucky me. << "that one is for you!" Taker smirked. >> Kane: Gee, how did you ever figure that one out? Taker: Just a hunch. << Taker undressed and put the black and blue robe on. He got his hair tied back, and used pins to hold it. Kane put his red and black robe on. >> Benoit: You didn't get undressed first! Kane: I'm the modest one - Taker's the exhibitionist in the family. << "I am not putting my hair up in a bun! >> Taker: Did anyone ask you to? << That's what women do with their hair!" Kane growled. >> Benoit: And your point is? << "Kane, this is a way men in Japan put their hair up!" >> Benoit: If they're sumo wrestlers. << Taker shot back and did Kane's hair. >> Jericho and Benoit: Aww! Taker and Kane glare at them. << Kane looked in a mirror. "Somehow I do think the guys in the locker room will accept this as as fastion statement!" Kane mummbled. >> Benoit (in high-pitched voice): Then we can all have slumber parties and do each other's hair! Taker: Vince would love that - he keeps saying he thinks we should bond more. Jericho: I don't know ... the girls might get jealous. << "Well the guys aren't here! >> Jericho and Benoit: Thank god! << I even left Sara out of this trip! I'm doing this vacation thing with ya Kane cuz we never did stuff like this as kids!" Taker shot back, they walked out of the room, and sat at a low placed table. Kane was very uncomfortable with this. >> Kane: Actually, I'm very uncomfortable with this whole thing. Benoit: Why? Taker: He doesn't like being the center of attention. Benoit (looking at Kane): Then WHY did you become a wrestler? Kane (shrugging): Seemed like a good idea at the time. << The master monk walked in with soky. >> All: SOKY??!! Kane: What the HELL is soky? Benoit: It's probably the water that's left over when the monks rinse out their socks ... but that's just a guess. Kane: Eew! Jericho (snickering): Lighten up Kane - they only serve that to SPECIAL people. You should be honored. Kane (looking at Taker): I'm gonna kill that boy. << Kane noticed everyone had a blue china cup. But he had a red and black, much like his colours! >> Taker: Things are a little TOO color-coordinated in this place. << "Taker, why do I stand out the most?" Kane asked. >> Benoit: Where do I start ... How much time do you have? Kane: You know, I liked it better when you DIDN'T talk. Remind me to have Vince cut your mic time again. << "I don't know, maybe you're growing on them! >> Benoit: Kinda like an ulcer. Jericho: Or a wart. Taker: Or a hideous zit. Kane (glaring at Taker): Don't YOU start. Taker (shrugging): Sorry, couldn't help myself. <> Jericho: Damn, man, you're talented! Every time I try to laugh and drink, something sprays out of my nose. Benoit: That's an image I really didn't need. << "Mmmmm, they still have the best soky around!" he laughed. >> Benoit: That's because it's homemade. Jericho: Fresh from the bathtub. << Kane looked at his, he would have to take his mask off to drink and eat, he was very uncomfortable doing so. >> Kane: Why do I get the feeling I'll be uncomfortable throughout MOST of this adventure? Taker: Because you're a pessimist. Benoit: If that ain't the pot calling the kettle black. << "Kane, they will not judge you...take your mask off!" taker whispered. >> Benoit: They may laugh and make funny faces, but they won't judge you. << Kane hesitated but did. The monks at the table saw Kane's face, none showed any reaction. >> Benoit: They must be drunk already ... or catatonic. Kane (looking at Taker): Is there any way to shut him up? Taker shrugs. << None screamed instead, they smiled. >> Benoit: Yup, they're definitely drunk. << Kane drank his drink. "It's warm!" >> Benoit: Brilliant deduction, Sherlock. Kane: Must you take pot shots at me every time I open my mouth? Taker: It's not really you, Kane - it's a story, remember? Kane (snarling): I'm well aware of that, BIG brother. << "of course it is!" Taker replied. The chims ranged, >> Jericho (singing): Home, home on the range ... where the chims and Taker-son play ... Taker: Cute, very cute. Jericho: I thought so. << The master monk announced dinner, there was so much to eat, and Kane relaized he had no fork. Taker showed him the chop sticks. >> Kane: Go ahead, Chris, get it out of your system. Benoit: I have nothing to say. Taker: That's amazing. << "How can I use those?" Kane asked. >> Benoit: Nah ... too predictable. I'll pass on that one. Kane: I admire your restraint. << "It's simple, it takes practise!" Taker smirked. >> Taker: Isn't that a contradiction? Kane: Are you surprised? << "I'm gonna starve if I use these!" Kane replied. Chop sticks were harder to handle than Vince McMahon's ego! >> Taker: Now THAT'S saying something! Jericho: NOTHING is harder to handle than Vance's ego. << "Practise makes perface Ryo" >> Jericho: Would you mind saying that in English, buddy? << The master said to Kane. Kane eventually got use to the chop sticks, and no. He didn't starve at the dinner table! >> Benoit: Whew! We wouldn't want little Ryo to waste away to nothing. Kane: DON'T call me that! Taker: What, little or Ryo? Kane: Either one! Benoit: Now, now, don't get testy. To be continued ...