Title: I smell a lawsuit
Author: Serra
Email: serralynn2001@yahoo.com
Rating: PG.
Disclaimer: All wrestling characters are owned by the WWF. The
story being MiSTed belongs to its original author,
SpiritStream17. I mean no personal disrespect to her, and I'm
not making any money off of this, so please be kind ... don't
sue. 
Distribution: Please ask first.
*****


Undertaker walked through the living room into the kitchen,
where Kane was sitting at the table drinking a beer and flipping
through the pages of Sports Illustrated. Taker sat down, opened
his beer and grabbed a handful of tortilla chips.

Taker: Anything good in there?
Kane (looking up from the magazine): As a matter of fact, I did
just learn something interesting.
Taker: Are you going to share this new knowledge with me?
Kane: I doubt you would find it as fascinating as I do.
Taker: Tell me anyway.
Kane: Okay ... Did you know that biologists at the Board of
Fisheries in Sweden have discovered that female brown trout
regularly fake orgasms during spawning to trick males into
releasing their sperm?
Taker (spitting out a mouthful of beer): WHAT?
Kane (showing the magazine to Taker): It's true. It's right here
under This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse.
Taker (staring at the story): How in the hell did they figure
THAT out?
Kane (standing up from the table): Beats me. Are you ready to
get back to work?
Taker (standing up and following Kane into the living room): I
don't have much of a choice, do I?

Kane settles onto the rocking chair while Taker lays down on the
floor and props his feet on the couch.

Taker: Where did we stop?
Kane: Everyone just found out that Austin's alive.
Taker: That's right. Let's see what else ol' Spirit has in store
for our merry cast of characters.

{"Alright! I knew he could make it, didn't I tell you Hunter,"
Steph yelled. "I told ya the Rattlesnake won't quit without a
fight! HA!"}

Kane: You know Steph, it's really not polite to yell when you're
in a hospital. Some of the patients might be trying to sleep.

{"Quite miss," the doctor chuckled in her usual laugh, "but you
must be quiet. There are other patients here too ya know.}

Kane: Isn't that what I just said?

{But please listen to what I have to tell you."}

Taker (whining): Do we HAVE to?
Kane: I'm afraid so.

{"We are willing to listen Dr..."}

Taker: Crap! We have to sit through the introduction again?

{"Friedman," she replied to Hunter. "Dr. Tricialee Friedman.}

Taker: We know. It was only because of you, and a completely
unnecessary heart operation that Austin's still alive. Get over
yourself already!
Kane: Relax. It's only a story.
Taker: Sorry. Egotistical doctors REALLY piss me off.

{Well, to start off I wasn't even here when he came in. But from
what my colleges say,}

Kane: Her COLLEGES?!
Taker: Damn, I never knew buildings could talk.

{he was a car wreck himself. Too many injuries for you to know,
but the most critical was his heart.}

Taker: Yeah, the gaping head wound was really no more serious
than your average paper cut.

{You may not have seen this, and neither did we}

Kane: Should she really admit that to the patient's family?
Taker: Probably not. It just gives Debra ammunition for a
wrongful death suit if Austin doesn't make it.

{but something in his tubes that connect with his lungs to pump
blood into the system was blocked.}

Kane: Wait a minute ... Did she say tubes?
Taker: Yeah.
Kane: PVC or copper?
Taker (furrowing his eyebrows as he looks at Kane): What?
Kane: Are the tubes that got blocked PVC or copper?
Taker: What the hell are you talking about?
Kane: I'm trying to make a point.
Taker: Apparently you're not succeeding.
Kane: We don't HAVE TUBES! The HEART pumps blood through VEINS
into and around our system. Every doctor knows that!
Taker: Not the ones who graduate from SpiritStream's School of
Medicine.
Kane: But Spirit should know! Heck, I learned that in high
school biology class!
Taker shrugs.

{He had only a few hours to live, or so they thought.}

Taker: Little did they know that I, Dr. Tricialee Friedman, can
perform miracles!

{My sister, Dr. Evanjalina Romo, dialed me up, since I live not
far from his hospital.}

Taker: Am I the only one who finds most of that information
irrelevant?
Kane: No.

{She said it was urgent and that I come here right away. That's
when I saw you and your friends here Mrs. Williams. Once I saw
Mr. Williams, Steve, I knew I had to go to work.}

Taker: Since it is your JOB to save lives, and all.

{After somewhat two hours of work with him, the pumps were
rearranged and the flow started again."}

Taker: Pumps? I thought the problem was with his tubes.
Kane growls.

{Debra, Hunter, and Steph smiled in joy. He was going to be
fine. But Debra had a doubt. Now that he had surgery to his
heart, what would that mean to his career?}

Taker: 'Cause god knows Debra doesn't want to play nursemaid to
him for the rest of his life.
Kane: Be nice.

{"I know I shouldn't be asking this question at this time,"
Debra said, but-"}

Taker: I'm going to play the cold-hearted, money-grubbing wife
anyway.

{"His career must be put on a short hiatus, if that's what you
were about to say."}

Taker: Damn! Dr. Tricialee Friedman is a miracle-worker AND a
mind-reader!

{"How long," Hunter asked.}

Taker: You mean how much time do you have to further your own
career without worrying about sharing the spotlight with Austin?
Kane: That's just mean.
Taker: But true. Look what happened the last time Austin was out
with an injury.

{"The shortest recommendation I can offer is 3 months, the
longest is another whole year. What I did to him takes a minimum
3 months for the pumps to heal.}

Taker: Tubes.

{But with the condition he had, I think it will take 4-5 months
healing time for the heart to recover. I know Steve will not
like it, but it must be done. But if he were to fight in a ring
after 3 months or less, he won't be in a ring, or on this
Earth."}

Taker: She really knows how to ruin good news, doesn't she?
Kane: She's just trying to convey how serious the situation is.
Taker: So now you're defending her?
Kane shrugs.

{Debra gulped hard. She noticed the word "must." Oh well, just
four or five months. Four or five very long months. Just have to
take care of the old Rattlesnake again. But this time only for
four or five months. Hey, either half a year or the whole
thing?}

Kane: Do you get the feeling Deb's trying REALLY hard to psyche
herself up for taking care of Austin again?
Taker: And not succeeding.
Kane: He must be a lousy patient.

{Debra looked at Hunter and Steph. Both Hunter and Steph had the
same expression as Debra, in awe of this all. But relieved that
their friend was okay and going to live. Hunter noticed her
glance and turned to the doctor.}

Taker: And prepared to say something really stupid.

{"Well, it's either that, or knowing he's dead," Hunter joked.}

Taker: I rest my case.

{"*SMACK!* HUNTER!"}

Kane: Did she actually say "smack" as she hit him?
Taker: It looks like it.
Kane: So now all of a sudden Steph is doing her own sound
effects?
Taker: I guess no one else wants to do them for her.

{"*rubbing bump on head* What did I do?!"}

Taker: Raising eyebrows. I refuse to believe that Steph's hand
could cause any REAL damage. She hits like a girl.
Kane: Smirking at Taker. You should know.

{"He is right ya know," the doctor said. "I don't think I could
take those kind of faces..."}

Kane: What kind of faces?
Taker: I have no idea.

{"I haven't seen them, not in my life. Even when I performed
surgeries to the heart,}

Taker: Isn't that ALL you do?

{all my patients survived. This proves that I am that damn
good."}

Kane groans.
Taker: Would you PLEASE try to control your rampant ego!

{Hunter cocked an eyebrow at her, was about to say something,
Steph just gave him that "look" and he just shut up.}

Kane (looking at Taker): How do you cock an eyebrow?
Taker (wiggling his eyebrows): I don't know. I can RAISE my
eyebrows, but ... Ow! I think I just pulled something.

{Debra gave a small laugh, she loved it when Hunter and Steph
fought.}

Kane: They were fighting? Did I fall asleep and miss something?
Taker: No.

{So did her husband. Those two were such a riot when they
argued.}

Taker: Don't worry Spirit, I'm laughing on the inside.

{Suddenly, a doctor with black eyes and straight hair walked up
to Dr. Friedman.}

Kane: Why do we need a physical description of the doctor? She's
only a bit character.
Taker shrugs.

{"Sis, it's urget," the doctor said. "Something went wrong."}

Kane: Urget? Did she just suddenly lapse into French?
Taker: No, I think that was Spirit once again demonstrating her
inability to spell.
Kane: Oh.

{"Oh god...you don't mean," Dr. Friedman said."}

Taker: What? What is it? Did something happen? TELL US DAMMIT!
Kane: Calm down. I'm sure we'll find out what's going on.
Taker: I want to know NOW!
Kane: Apparently Spirit wants us to wait awhile.
Taker (muttering): Damn her.

{"Yes sister, yes."}

Taker: See? Everybody else knows what's going on! Why can't WE?
Kane: I think you need to take a couple of deep breaths and
relax.
Taker (sitting up and glaring at Kane): Bite me.

{I never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words, I don't just say
And nothing else matters...}

Kane: Well that had absolutely no relevance to what's going on.
Taker: We don't KNOW what's going on!

{It was seven in the morning already, and still Dr. Friedman
hadn't gotten out of the critical room yet. She had rushed
through the doors an hour ago, a face of fear on her. Whatever
she had in mind, Debra hoped it wasn't death. But for some
reason, she had a feeling that it was death. Her husband's
death.}

Kane: The last time you had that feeling, he was fine.
Taker: He had major heart surgery.
Kane: But figuratively speaking, he was fine. He was alive,
anyway.

{Suddenly Dr. Friedman's sister came through the doors.}

Taker: Good. Now maybe we'll find out what the hell's going on.

{"Mrs. Williams," Dr. Romo, the sister to Dr. Friedman said to
Debra, "there is something that I need to tell you."}

Taker: Well, go on. Spit it out, girl.

{Debra gulped hard. She had a feeling what was coming.}

Taker: Would you PLEASE let the doctor speak!

{"I think you don't have to tell me Dr. Romo," Debra started,
"because I know what situation my husband is in."}

Taker: Shut up! Let her talk!
Kane: It's ONLY a story. This isn't real, Taker.
Undertaker growls at Kane.

{"But I must tell you this, of what happened," the doctor
countered. Debra was going to counter that,}

Kane: Why do I suddenly feel like I'm reading an old Abbott and
Costello routine?

{but Steph gave her a "look" and she also sat down.}

Kane: Damn! Steph has one powerful "look"!

{Hunter's eyes started to turn glossy; Debra knew what he was
not trying to do. Hunter was not trying to cry,}

Kane: Apparently he didn't NEED to try.

{but for his wife on the other hand, it was just a matter of
seconds before she would let out the big tsunami of tears.}

Taker: Okay, let me get this straight ... Spirit can't spell
everyday words like defenseless, but she CAN spell tsunami?
Kane: Ironic, isn't it?
Taker growls again.

{"Go on," Debra said.}

Taker: She's been trying to for the last 10 minutes!

{"You see before my sister, Dr. Friedman came," Dr. Romo
started, "I wasn't one of the people working on your husband, as
she thought. I was with another patient at the time.}

Taker: And that's relevant, how?

{An amateur surgeon}

Kane: An AMATEUR surgeon? Is there really such a thing?
Taker: There is at this hospital.
Kane: Why do I get the feeling that everything Spirit knows
about medicine, she learned from watching soap operas?
Taker: The doctors on Guiding Light are pretty good.
Kane arches an eyebrow and stares at Taker.
Taker (looking at Kane and blushing): What? It's Serra's
favorite. She made me watch it a few times, okay?
Kane: If you say so.

{somehow was mistaken for my sister's boyfriend, who is also a
surgeon.}

Kane: That's one HELL of a mistake!
Taker: Well, all doctors look alike when they're wearing those
lab coats.
Kane: Please tell me you're kidding.
Taker shrugs.

{He, I believe, is the one that started this mess.}

Kane: Oh sure, blame the amateur!
Taker: It has to be his fault - everyone associated with Dr.
Friedman is perfect, just like her.
Kane: I'm sure.

{The nurses that were around him noticed that he was opening
your husband's heart like cutting a biscuit with a blunt knife.}

Taker and Kane: WHAT?

{He somehow twisted your husband's tubes around, causing the
body not to flow blood."}

Taker: Did it ever occur to anyone to STOP HIM when they saw him
hacking away at Austin's chest?
Kane: Think about what you just said.
Taker: Oh ... right. I forgot this was the hospital from hell.
Sorry.

{"But your sister said that she fixed those tubes," Hunter
said.}

Kane: Because, after all, she is That ... Damn ... Good.

{"I know, but she never expected this," the doctor said. "What
we didn't catch was that...well, let me put it to you in these
terms.}

Taker (looking at Kane): Brace yourself.
Kane nods his head and grabs the arm of the rocking chair with
his free hand.

{A dam needs generations, like a computer needs a hard disk for
saving your files.}

Taker: That was clear as mud.
Kane: They're two completely different situations! Saving a file
to a hard drive has NOTHING to do with powering the computer.
Taker (shaking his head): WHY are you trying to make sense of
this?

{It's just the same as playing with a ball. You want something
to work, you need to use force.}

Taker: Or the "on" button.

{Or in this case, electrical force. Our heart pumps with an
electrical force.}

Kane: No it doesn't! If it did, we would have to be plugged in
to function.

{That's how it gets the blood to different places of the body
and makes the "thumping" sound.}

Taker (raising his hand toward Kane): Don't even bother.

{Well, we found out that the amateur doctor}

Taker: Let's be honest here, okay. He wasn't really a doctor,
was he? He was just some guy who wandered in off the street and
stole a lab coat, right? Tell the truth Dr. Romo, it'll make you
feel better.

{somehow, someway slowed this electric shock. We have no way to
fix it. My sister tried her best, but that's not her field."}

Taker: After all, she's a heart surgeon, not an electrician.

{"Wait, what about those "clear" thingies," Steph asked.}

Taker: "Clear" thingies?
Kane: A defibrillator. Doctors yell "clear" before they use
them.
Taker: Oh.

{"We tried that already, but it just won't work. This doctor
killed your husband Mrs. Williams, and there is no way we can
help him now.}

Taker: I'm not a legal expert, but even I know Dr. Romo
shouldn't have admitted THAT! Especially in front of potential
witnesses!

{I'm...no, I won't say it for it won't help your husband. He
doesn't have that much time to live...would you like to see him,
all of you?"}

Taker:It depends. Is his chest still hanging open?
Kane: You are SO shallow. He's lying there, clinging to life by
a thread, and you're worried about what he LOOKS LIKE?
Taker: I have a weak stomach, okay?
Kane: I'm supposed to believe that? You tried to embalm Austin
alive, and then you tried to hang Bossman in the Hell in a Cell
match!
Taker: Neither of those events involved me seeing blood.

{Debra couldn't speak anymore. Tears fell down her cheeks to the
floor, knowing that these were her husband's final minutes.}

Taker: Damn! Those are some smart tears.
Kane shakes his head.

{She nodded her head, walking behind Dr. Romo. She turned around
and saw Hunter and Steph still sitting in the chairs in the
waiting room. Debra gave them a questioning look, but by the way
Steph was crying and Hunter's eyes, he holding his wife Steph
tight, she knew they didn't want to see him.}

Taker: Wimps.
Kane: Like you're one to talk, Mr. "I have a weak stomach."

{Hunter then turned his eyes to her, giving his and his wife's
answer. Debra nooded, and Hunter}

Kane: Nooded? Exactly how does one person nood to another?
Taker: I don't know. Maybe you should track down Spirit and find
out.

{smiled warmly, a tear rolling down his left cheek. Debra went
through the doors, not looking back.}

Taker: Because seeing Hunter attempt to cry was just TOO funny
for this somber occasion.

{Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new}

Taker starts singing the lyrics loudly and off-key.

{Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters...}

Kane puts his fingers in his ears to try to muffle the noise.

{Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know - yeah!}

Kane (pulling his fingers out of his ears): I don't think James
Hetfield needs to worry about losing his job anytime soon.
Taker: At least I don't walk around attempting to sing opera.
Kane: I happen to be a Pavarotti fan. Is there something wrong
with that?
Taker: There wouldn't be if he didn't sound like a dying moose.
Kane (rolling his eyes): Yeah, like you have room to talk about
vocal quality. I'm surprised all the dogs in the neighborhood
weren't howling along with you.
Taker: Can we just get back to the story, please?
Kane: Fine by me.

{Debra followed Dr. Romo through the hallway of the critical
room.}

Kane: If it's big enough to have a hallway, wouldn't it be the
critical ward? Or the critical unit?
Taker: Maybe critical room is easier for Spirit to remember.

{It was white all over, the bodies of the wounded in different
rooms. In other rooms, some people were reuniting, some were
covered with a black blanket, and others were being moved to
another room.}

Taker: Hold on! I assume that the people covered with black
blankets are dead?
Kane: I guess.
Taker: And they just leave them lying in the rooms? Isn't that a
health risk?
Kane: Probably. And it's damn creepy, too.

{Those that were being moved were fortunate. She passed a room
where cancer patients were being treated, then another room were
two people, what she saw, were in a coma.}

Taker: How can she tell they were in a coma? Maybe they're just
quiet sleepers.

{Suddenly the doctor stopped, turning to face Debra.}

Taker: What you are about to see, Debra, isn't for the weak of
heart.
Kane: Or stomach.
Taker: Shut up.

{"I think you should be here alone Mrs. Williams," she said.
"Once you're done, I'll come back. The deceased are also in my
field."}

Kane: What, exactly IS her field?
Taker: Dead people and ... I have no clue.

{Debra swallowed hard as Dr. Evanjelina Romo passed her by,
walking down the hallway. Her eyes then met the door, knowing
her husband was on the other side. She could just imagine what
state he was in right now. She then grabbed whatever courage and
hope in her and went through the doors.}

Taker: And when she saw her husband, she let out a
blood-curdling scream.
Kane: Would you stop that!
Taker: Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
Kane (standing up and stretching): Would you mind if we take a
break? I'm starving - we never did stop for lunch this
afternoon.
Taker (also standing up): Sure, why not. Let's go see if Serra
left us anything to eat besides snacks.


TBC ...