TITLE: I smell a lawsuit
AUTHOR: Serra
EMAIL: serralynn2001@yahoo.com
RATING: PG-13 for language. Warning: The "F" word appears a
couple of times in the original story.
DISCLAIMER: All wrestling characters are owned by the WWF. The
story being MiSTed belongs to its original author,
SpiritStream17. I mean no personal disrespect to her, and I'm
not making any money off of this, so please be kind ... don't
sue. 
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask first.
NOTES: The story being MiSTed was originally just one part,
however, I'm breaking it into three.

*******

The Undertaker and Kane walk into the kitchen of a house
somewhere in south central Pennsylvania. Kane immediately throws
himself onto a chair and buries his head in his hands, staring
down at the table.

Kane: You are NEVER driving my car again!

Undertaker ignores him and scans the living room through the
open doorway.

Kane: Did you hear me?
Taker: Yes. I'm never driving your car again. It looks like
we're early - the others aren't here yet.
Kane: Of COURSE we're early! You drove like a maniac!
Taker: We lost precious time when we got stuck behind that
accident. I wanted to make sure we weren't late. You KNOW how
Serra gets when I'm not on time for one of these things.
Kane: I would have gotten you here on time.
Taker (with a sarcastic laugh): You? You were driving slower
than my grandmother!
Kane: That's because I wanted to get here in one piece! Do you
know you were doing 95 all the way up the interstate?
Taker: We made it, didn't we?
Kane (looking at the clock on the wall): Yeah, with an hour and
a half to spare.
Taker shrugs.

Kane: So what do we do until the others get here?
Taker (walking into the living room): I don't know. I usually
get here late.
Kane sighs.
Taker (sitting down at the desk and propping his feet on the
printer stand): Why don't you see if she stocked the fridge
before she went to work.
Kane: You're closer.
Taker: You're younger.
Kane (sighing as he stands up and walks over to the
refrigerator): Just because I'm younger doesn't mean I'm your
servant.

Kane opens the fridge and rummages around inside it while Taker
rifles through a stack of papers on the desk.

Kane: We're in luck - two unopened cases of beer.
Taker: It's not that god-awful Yuengling stuff again, is it?
Kane (opening a case and pulling two bottles out): No, this time
it's Labatt's.
Taker: What's with this sudden Canadian fetish of hers?
Kane (looking over Taker's shoulder as he hands him a bottle):
Beats me. What are you reading?
Taker (looking from the papers on the desk to Kane): I think I
know how we can kill some time.
Kane: How? What did you find?
Taker (grinning wickedly): The story we're supposed to read
later. Let's read it now so we can get out of here.
Kane: We can't do that! What about the others?
Taker (handing a copy of the story to Kane): Serves 'em right
for not getting here early.

Kane takes the stack of papers, walks across the room and lays
down on the couch.

Taker: Okay, let's see what we've got here ...

{Nothing Else Matters}

Taker: Ah, crap! She's gonna ruin one of my FAVORITE Metallica
songs for me!
Kane: I guess that means I can finally get my CD back then.
Taker: In your dreams.

{by SpiritStream17}

Kane: Do you think Spirit's a man or a woman?
Taker: Woman.

{SS17's Note: This story is a song fic about Debra and her
husband.}

Kane: I don't think I've ever read an Austin fic before.
Taker: Me either. I usually get stuck reading stories about us.
Kane: Well, they ARE Serra's favorites. 
Taker rolls his eyes.

{It's a romantic/tragic story, my very first one!}

Taker: I'm so happy for you.

{I hope that you'll enjoy my first romantic/tragic story!}

Taker: I'm not going to hold my breath on that one.

{If you listen to Metallica's Nothing Else Matters on MP3, or
MIDI it will suit this fanfic perfectly.}

Taker: Well, duh!
Kane: Is it a bad sign when a story requires musical
accompaniment?
Taker: Probably.

{So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters...}

Taker: Do they really HAVE to put the lyrics in these things?
Kane: It's supposed to make it easier for the readers.
Taker: But I already know the words!
Kane: Not everyone is as big a Metallica fan as you are.

{'Not now, please not now,' Debra thought to herself as she saw
her husband being tended by doctors and nurses. All the doctors
were called on full alert to help the Rattlesnake, Stone Cold
Steve Austin. Of course they would help him.}

Taker: It is, after all, their JOB.

{He his the most popular man in sports entertainment,}

Kane: I thought Rock was the most popular.
Taker: So did I.

{even though he turned heel.}

Taker: More like sissy. What's up with all those hugs he gives
Vince, anyway?
Kane: Maybe he's lookin' for some lovin'.
Taker (shuddering): That's an image I DID NOT need!

{She could still see the face of him. Blood all around his chest
from a huge hole in his forehead gushing all it out. His clothes
were full of dirt when she saw him. Black blotches of bruises, a
black swollen eye, a possible concussion,}

Taker: Wait a minute ... he has a gaping hole in his forehead,
and she's worried that he might have a CONCUSSION?
Kane: Concussions are serious things, man.
Taker: But isn't a hole in your head that's spouting a geyser of
blood a little MORE serious?
Kane: Depends on who you ask, I guess.

{internal injuries; he looked like he was almost beated to
death.}

Kane: Beated? Is that even a word?
Taker: I don't think so ... Hold on! He got a hole in his
forehead from a BEATING? Wouldn't a bullet make more sense?
Kane: If Spirit really cared about logic, Serra wouldn't be
making us read this.
Taker: True.

{She cried when she saw him like that. She cried all the way to
the hospital. Debra scared all the orderlies to serve her
husband first before anyone else.}

Taker: Serve him? Did she want them to get him a beer?
Kane: I think she meant treat him.
Taker: But orderlies don't treat patients.
Kane: I know. But we're in Spirit's world now.

{They didn't listen to her, until she mentioned that his name
was Stone Cold Steve Austin, a wrestler of the WWF. Then
EVERYONE went on full alert, completely crazy. They didn't want
HIM to die, now did they?}

Taker: Oh, but if he would have been some bum off the street, it
would be OKAY to let him die? What the hell kind of hospital is
this?

{Okay, so some thought of it, but a doctor's job is to tend
those in emergency. Plus when one doctor said that's nice, let
him die, Debra turned psychopath.}

Taker: I take it these people have never heard of the
Hippocratic oath.
Kane: Probably not.

{That brought her thoughts to here, now. Now her husband was
being tended by the doctors and nurses,}

Kane: Because the orderlies were on their coffee break.

{and she couldn't do nothing.}

Taker: Who in the hell taught this girl English?
Kane: No one, apparently.

{If that was the only thing she got from her husband is that she
just didn't want to stand around and do nothing.}

Taker: I'm sorry, but that was just bloody awful.
Kane nods his head in agreement.

{She stood there for a couple of minutes, thinking why. Why
would someone do that to him.}

Kane: That's supposed to be a question, isn't it?
Taker: I suppose so.
Kane: Why didn't she use a question mark?
Taker: Beats me.

{He was defenceless damn it!}

Taker: Actually, he has quite a few fences around his home.
Kane (groaning): That was SO lame!

{He just came after a match,}

Kane: That is WAY too much information!

{and then ambushed, beaten, and nearly KILLED! What the hell was
the point?}

Taker: To kill him, maybe?

{He came in after retaining the title...who would have done such
a thing?}

Kane: Someone who didn't like him very much?

{Definately not Hunter,}

Taker: I don't remember anyone suggesting he did it.

{he and Austin have completely put aside their differences and
finally look at each other on the same side.}

Kane: The same side of what?
Taker: The fence.
Kane groans again.

{And not Steph, even though the two never get along. Little by
little they are getting to be friends, since their husbands
are.}

Taker: I thought they never get along.
Kane: Austin and Steph don't get along. Deb and Steph are
getting to be friends. At least, I think that's what she means.
Taker: Oh.

{Never opened myself this way
Live is ours, we live it our way
All these words, I don't just say
And nothing else matters...}

Taker: It's SO much better when Metallica does it.

{Debra sat down in one of the waiting room chairs, watching
television.}

Taker: TELEVISION?! Her husband's dying and she's watching TV?
Shouldn't she be pacing around, wringing her hands or something?
Kane: Everyone deals with grief differently.

{She saw the Dudleys on the screen, having a match with Steven
and his gang. She had always wondered what the hell was wrong
with them.}

Taker: She's not the only one.

{Ever since Steven had made the Right To Censor, they never
talked anymore. Debra and Steven used to talk. Just short
conversations, or long, hourless ones.}

Kane: Hourless?
Taker: I think she means endless.

{Now it's like he's the king of the world of censoring, and she
was just a peasant. Someone to look up to them and worship them,
for her own good.}

Kane: Huh?
Taker shrugs.

{She always wished he would just go back to his old self.}

Taker: Why is she worrying about Steven Richards? Shouldn't she
be worrying about her husband, who has a GAPING HOLE IN HIS
HEAD?!
Kane: You would think.

{Alot of people came up to her as she was watching the
television. Some asked what people would ask like "How are you".
Others that knew her from her job just gawked and stared. She
smiled and waved to them}

Taker: She shouldn't be flirting with the fans! She should be
worrying about her HUSBAND! What is WRONG with this woman?
Kane: Calm down, Taker.
Undertaker growls.

{and they just walk off, mouth's dropped. Fans, hey, they are so
cute. They gawk at you and then go crazy because they see you on
the television everyday.}

Taker: Or because your shirt is two sizes too small.

{Shortly after the Dudleys winning against Steven's Right To
Censor, Debra heard screaming in the background. Her ears sensed
that those shouts were very familiar}

Kane: Her EARS sensed that the voice was familiar? Isn't that
normally the BRAIN'S job?
Taker: You didn't know that Debra's brain is in her ears?

{coming from the hallway. She stood up from her seat and went
down the hallway to see two scenes. One was a red faced
Stephanie, tears in her blue eyes. She was behind her husband,
the Game Triple H. He was red faced, but boy was he ever angry.}

Taker: Which could explain why his face was red.

{He slammed his fists on the counter, scaring some of the
orderlies and doctors in the background. Debra could see the
security guards coming from outside to stop him.}

Kane: Okay, let me get this straight ... Hunter is standing
INSIDE the hospital, and the guards OUTSIDE the building heard
him hit the counter?
Taker: Well, he is The Game.

{"Dammit! Austin is my friend," Hunter yelled at the nurses and
doctors, "and you are telling me that I CANNOT SEE HIM?! You
goddamn, sly, asshole son of a bi-"}

Kane and Taker: SLY?!

{"That will be enough Hunter," Debra cutted.}

Kane: Do you think Spirit knows that she's butchering the
language?
Taker: I doubt it.

{"Debra," Steph sobbed running to her crying. She pulled her
back and asked, "Is Steve alright? He has to be alright!"}

Taker: He has a hole in his head! How ALRIGHT can he be?

{"I don't know Stephanie," Debra replied, lowering her head, "I
wish I knew."}

Taker: You probably WOULD know if you weren't so busy salivating
over Steven Richards and flirting with fans.
Kane: Be nice.

{"Well, for one can you tell these assholes to let us in with
ya," Triple H asked with his usual way.}

Taker: He's just so damn charming, isn't he?
Kane: Always.

{"Heh, your like Austin alright.}

Taker: Which isn't necessarily a good thing.

{Don't mind them doctors," Debra said. "They are with me."}

Kane: The doctors are with Debra?
Taker: No, Spirit forgot a comma. Debra was talking TO the
doctors.
Kane: Oh.

{Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new.
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters ...
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know ...}

Taker: That this story has painfully slow plot development.

{"What the fuck is taking them so damn fucking long?!"}

Kane: Someone needs to have his potty mouth washed out with
soap.

{"Hunter, calm down," Debra tried to reason with a furious
Hunter. "Blowing your top off isn't going to help Steve in
anyway whatsoever."}

Taker: Damn! I had almost forgotten this story was ABOUT Steve.
It's not like she's sitting there thinking about him or
anything.
Kane: She hasn't had time. First she had to dissect her
relationship with Steven Richards, then she had to smile and
wave at the fans ... That's a lot for one person to juggle.

{"Debra's right," Steph agreed. "Just relax and sit next to me.
It's only been...how many?"}

Kane: How many what?
Taker: Hell if I know.

{"Actually, I think I should be the one pacing back and forth}

Kane: Yes, you should.
Taker: Give us SOME sign that you're worried about your husband.
He's laying on a table with a FRIGGIN' HOLE IN HIS HEAD for pity
sake.

{blowing my top off.}

Kane: Did she just offer to strip?
Taker: I think so.

{It's been 5 hours."}

Taker: Feels more like five years.

{"What?! That long?"}

Taker: Did you expect the doctors to wave their magic wands and
heal him instantly?
Kane: I wish they would.

{"Yes Steph. It's 1am right now."}

Kane: Austin's gonna be pissed ... he isn't gonna make last
call.

{"Woah, and I don't feel a thing," Steph said wondering. "Must
be adrenalin."}

Taker: Yeah, sitting in the waiting room will really get your
blood flowing.

{"Yep."}

Kane: It gets Debra going.
Taker: No, Steven Richards and the fans she was flirting with
got HER going.

{Hunter gave up 5 minutes later. He sat down next to his wife, a
grim look on his face. Debra flashed a smile to him as Stephanie
fell asleep on his shoulder.}

Taker: She just doesn't quit, does she? Her husband's not even
dead yet, and she's already working on Hunter.

{Hunter hugged his wife and smiled back to Debra. There he layed
his head on her's and he too fell asleep.}

Kane: When that adrenaline runs out, it runs out quick.

{Debra couldn't blame him. Backlash had been one helluva night
for him and her husband. Taker and Kane had given all they had}

Taker: Did she expect us not to?
Kane shrugs.

{and the Two Man Power Trip did the same. But in the end, Hunter
and Austin, again, took the gold. And of course by cheating,
which she hated the most.}

Taker: FINALLY! At least SOMEONE admits that those two cheat!
Kane: It's just a story, remember?

{Three hours had pasted,}

Kane: Pasted?!
Taker: You expected something else?

{and yet Debra was still up. She couldn't sleep when her husband
was near the brink of death.}

Taker: But yet she COULD analyze her relationship with Steven
Richards; play diva for the people in the waiting room; and
flirt with Stephanie's husband?
Kane: It's all about priorities, man.

{Four in the morning, and this woman would not give up hope on
her husband and the doctors treating him. Two doctors spead}

Kane: I wonder if Spirit knows that computers now have this neat
little function called spell check?
Taker: I highly doubt it.

{past the waiting room, frantically running into the critical
room.}

Taker and Kane: THE CRITICAL ROOM?!
Taker: What the hell kind of hospital is this?
Kane: I get the feeling Spirit knows just enough about hospitals
and medicine to be really, REALLY dangerous.

{She couldn't make out these people since her eyes were very
blurry, however she saw a woman go by, her long, wavy brown hair
whipping around her as she ran into the room.}

Taker: Her vision couldn't have been THAT blurry, then.

{Debra sighed, thinking that her husband was just about to die.
That's why those doctors were running.}

Taker: Is Austin the ONLY patient in the entire hospital?
Couldn't they have been rushing to save someone else?
Kane: Well, they did give him their undivided attention after
Debra went psycho on them.

{She turned her head, her hair streaking down her face, letting
tears of crystal run down her cheeks.}

Kane: Wouldn't it be kind of painful to have crystals coming out
of your eyes?
Taker: I would think so.

{Near six in the morning, just as sleep was about to overcome
her, a long brown haired, tree trunk eyed woman}

Kane: Tree-trunk-eyed?! What the hell does that mean?
Taker: Beats the shit outta me.

{with a doctor's white coat came through the breaking doors}

Taker: As Austin's theme song blared out of the PA system.

{into the critical section of the hospital. She walked up to
her, a serious look on her face. Debra looked at her, knowing
what was coming.}

Kane: Hold on ... why is Debra suddenly sitting in the critical
room? I though she was in the waiting room.
Taker: Maybe the waiting room is in the critical room.
Kane: Not according to what Spirit wrote earlier.
Taker: Did you honestly expect continuity?
Kane: Good point.

{"He's dead, isn't he."}

Taker: Well, that's being optimistic.
Kane: What happened to all of that hope she had for Austin and
his doctors?
Taker: Apparently it faded as soon as she saw one of them had
eyes like tree trunks.

{So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know...}

Kane: That that was a horrible place for a musical interlude.

{"Do you wish that," the doctor chuckled.}

Kane: That's just rude! For all Debra knows, her husband is
dead, and the doctor is CRACKING JOKES?

{"Your husband will be just fine, Mrs. Williams. You see, I am
the one that helped him survive.}

Taker: Damn! No wonder her eyes are like tree trunks - her head
must be HUGE with that ego!

{My name is}

Kane (raising his eyebrow): It doesn't MATTER what your name is!
Taker (laughing): Rock's gonna get you for that one!

{Dr. Tricialee Friedman. And with luck and some tense moments, I
was able to help your husband survive a massive heart surgery.}

Take and Kane: HEART SURGERY?!
Taker: He had a HOLE IN HIS HEAD, you idiot! Not a heart attack!
Kane: I am NEVER setting foot inside a hospital again. Knowing
my luck, I'd go in with a broken arm and they'd try to perform a
hysterectomy.

{May I sit down."}

Taker: No.

{"Of course Dr. Friedman," Debra said excitedly motioning to the
empty seat in front of her.}

Kane: She's excited that Austin's had heart surgery?
Taker: No, she probably just wants to get a closer look at those
tree-trunk eyes.

{The 5 foot 11 doctor sat down on the comfy chair in front of
the Rattlesnake's wife.}

Kane: Why is it important that we know the doctor's height?
Taker: Beats me.

{The first thing the doctor looked at was the sleeping couple of
Hunter and Steph. She smiled warmly.}

Kane: As she hatched a plan to get rid of Steph so she could
have The Game all to herself.

{"Don't you think you should wake those two up Mrs. Williams?"}

Taker: Not really. It's just going to slow things down again.

{"Oh yeah...Hunter, Steph, wake up," Debra whispered to the
couple, nugging them}

Kane: Nugging?
Taker moans.

{awake with her elbow. Steph was the first to stir and see the
doctor.}

Taker: All 5 feet, 11 inches of her.

{A grim face went on Stephanie as she thought the unbareable.}

Taker: It's called spell check, Spirit. I'll be happy to teach
you how to use it.

{Hunter then woke up, saw the doctor, and had the same face as
his wife. But the doctor then adesed their worries.}

Kane: I can't even begin to imagine what THAT ONE was supposed
to be.

{"Don't fret you two. Mr. Williams is just fine. I was just
about to explain to your friend here about it, but I wanted you
two to know too."}

Kane: Have you noticed that when he first entered the hospital
he was Steve Austin, but now all of a sudden it's Williams?
Taker: The doctor probably rifled through his wallet while she
was performing that miraculous heart operation.
Kane: That he didn't need.

{"Steve's alive," Steph asked with a joyish smile.}

Kane: Is that anything like an impish grin?
Taker: Similar, but not quite.

{"Yes he is," the doctor replied.}

Taker: We know, and it's all thanks to your AMAZING skill as a
doctor.

Kane (sitting up on the couch and stretching): So how much more
of this saga do we have to read?
Taker (rifling through the papers on the desk): About twice as
much as we've already gone through.
Kane: I don't know about you, but I could use a break.
Taker (standing up and stretching): Me too. Why don't you get us
a couple more beers.
Kane: You're closer to the kitchen! Why don't you do it?
Taker (walking towards the hallway): Because I'M going to the
bathroom.
Kane growls.
Taker (poking his head back into the living room): And while
you're at it, see what kind of food Serra left for us.
Kane (stalking toward the kitchen): Yes, master!

TBC ...