(They enter the theatre and are seated: Left to right: Goodfather, Steven, Ivory, Val, Bull)

IVORY: "I've heard that it can pull wadded-up Kleenex all the way through a black hole!"

(Team Xtreme)

(All wince and hold their ears at these shouted words)
STEVEN: "So, Lita, Matt and Jeff have taken up extreme sports?"
GOODFATHER: "Nah, Jeff's just been playing Tony Hawke Pro.

("Hehe," Chris Jericho was laughing to himself, )
IVORY: "One sentence into the fic, and someone's displaying signs of dementia already!"

(he just posted the picture of Matt having nothing on but the tag-team belt around his waist.  )
IVORY: -purring-: "And where can I get this photo?"
STEVEN: "Down, girl."
VAL: "Chris is posting half-naked pictures of Matt on the Internet?" -pauses- "Not that there's anything wrong with that..."

(Jericho wanted in on the tag-team action,)
-all cough and spit.
BULL: "I hope Lita gets to call the tags.."

(the only way to do that was to black mail the tag-team, not sure if they would think he
was tag-team material. )
GOODFATHER: "So he spent five minutes cruising a chatroom, looking for pictures of Matt Hardy half-naked instead of going up to them and ASKING if they want another partner?"

(But, after he would post this on the Internet, he knew he would be tag-team material.)
STEVEN: -Chris-: "Now I can go buy some lube, tee hee!"

(Snickering, )
BULL: "As opposed to Twixx-ing.."

(he finished uploading the picture on to his site)
*More snorting*
IVORY: "Damn, no wonder he gave up on the Internet!  Too few pictures of half-naked Hardys!"

(and closed his laptop computer.)
STEVEN: -makes crunching noise-
GOODFATHER: -Chris-: "My good cock!  Noooo!"

(He couldn't wait until they found it, team extreme, )
VAL: -announcer-: "Take the first exit sign off of Wampanoag Trail!"
IVORY: "Look for the poorly-lit warehouse!"

(he thought, getting into bed and thinking about the picture before he fell
asleep.)

BULL: -Chris-: Tee hee; towels are pretty..."
IVORY: -Chris-: "Now, to begin my blackmailing of Randy Orton."
STEVEN: "No good; the kid doesn't have any shame."

("Oh, shit," Lita said looking in shock at the screen before her.)
IVORY: -Lita-: "Wonder Mike has a website!"
STEVEN: -Lita-: "I told him I wanted to screw a goat this time, not a pig!"

(She saw the wallpapered background but didn't recognize where he
was )
VAL: "Try the Fifth Circle of bad website Hell, Lita."

(but sure enough, there was Matt standing, posing more like it with nothing but one of the tag-team belts. )
GOODFATHER: "When Men of the WWE photo shoots go horribly wrong."
IVORY: -Lita-: "They have half-naked photos of my boyfriend on the Internet!  Our empire is ruined!"

(Her mind spun around)
VAL: "...In a field filled with daisies.."

(with different ideas on who could have done this thing,)
GOODFATHER: -Lita-: "Monroe!"
IVORY: -Lita-: "Rose Nyland!"
STEVEN: -Lita-: "Scott Keith!"

(and lastly her mind went to.. )
Bull: "Lunch."

(that bitch Stephanie.)
*All bark*

(She would stop at nothing for)
IVORY: "Decent back support!"

(her husband's happiness, )
BULL: -Steph-: "Deploy nukes on Ireland?  Sure, Hunter will love it!"

(now that he already had the WWF Championship, why wouldn't he want to steal the tag-team belts from her boyz? )

STEVEN: "Why not?  He's already stolen everything else."
IVORY: "The spotlight...shared company glory..."
BULL: "RVD's push..."
VAL: "Every last speck of ham not being consumed by Andy Dick.."

(And what better way to get in the tag-titles, than by blackmail. Lita gasped, the bitch.)
IVORY: -Lita-: "The child, the mother!"
STEVEN: "It figures; Stephanie has a shrink ray, too!"

(She picked-up the phone and dialed Jeff first for a second opinion.)
GOODFATHER: "Jeff Hardy, MD."
IVORY: "Combating bad hair days with a whole lot of bleach."

(She dialed one on the speed dial)
VAL: -Lita-: "Hello?  Dominos?  I'd like a pot-and-...I mean, pepperoni and cheese!"
-Stoned-giggling-

(when Jeff picked-up.)
IVORY: "The trash?"
STEVEN: "His kids?"
GOODFATHER: "A rat?"

("Hello?")
ALL: -Squiggy-: "Hell-O!"

("Jeff, are you still asleep?")
VAL: -Jeff- "No, I like to imitate David L. Lander in my sleep.."

(It was only 10:00 a.m.).
BULL: "Ahh, pro wrestling: when the words 'ten AM' and 'only' can comfortably be connected together."

("Yeah, what, Lita?")
IVORY: -Jeff-: "Are you still a carbon-based female or what?"

(Surprisingly, Lita was the only member of the team, that woke-up
so early )
GOODFATHER: "...because Matt wets the bed.."

(most of the time to get on the Net).

IVORY: "To check on her E-Bay auctions..."
GOODFATHER: -Lita-: "I...must...have...first...edition...Fozzie figure!"

("Sure, like you don't know," Lita scoffed.)
STEVEN: "Man, Lita's the one who sounds like a bitch; ten am and she's already giving him a hand-full of attitude.."

(Jeff was half-awake now.  "Ok, Lita, what is it? I'm not in the mood for one of your jokes.")
BULL: -:Lita-: "But serving you Wampler turkey was funny!"
IVORY: -Lita-: "Remember how you turned all green and started to shake?"

("It's not a joke, if you don't believe me get your laptop." Lita said,)
GOODFATHER: -Lita-: "You really SHOULDN'T delete that teddy bear icon off of your hard drive..."

(impatient now.)
VAL: "Life for Lita is waiting all morning for Jeff's buzz to wear off."

(Jeff fumbled to the side of nightstand, sighing, )
BULL: -Jeff-: "I think I left my shin under the covers." -makes crackling noises- "There it is.."

(and took his laptop out from the bottom.)
STEVEN: "Jeff Hardy: the bottomless cup."
IVORY: "She didn't mean that bottom."
STEVEN: "Huh?" -it dawns- "Ohh.."

("Site?")
GOODFATHER: -Jeff-: "Ugly condo.  Wacky metal sculptures.  Scandalously-revealing leopard-print thong, tossed over bedpost."

(http://Thematthardydroolsquad/pics/Matt23.jpg)
IVORY: -blinking-: "I thought Chris exposited to us that he uploaded the picture to HIS site..."
STEVEN: "Unless." -all blink- "Eeew!  Chris is going fatal attraction on Matt!"

("Drool squad, I thought you had more class than that? )
VAL: -Jeff-: "Don't you know that women don't feel anything 'down there'?"

(And of Matt?")
VAL: "Well, if you think about it, it is sort of impractical; Lita could just ask him to drop trou for her..."

("Just shut-up and look," Lita retorted, hoping she didn't' sound too harsh.)
IVORY: "Like, you know, a BITCH or anything..."

(She didn't hear of anything after 20 minutes and was concerned.)
STEVEN: "Man, that's really rude."
BULL: "Yeah, he could've at least waited until he got off the phone to OD.."

("Jeff? You there?" She asked softly.)
STEVEN: -womanly-: "I'm coming in your hole, Jeff."
-all shudder at the memory-

("Yeah, who did this??" He asked.)
BULL: "There's the proof!  Pot kills brain cells!"
STEVEN: "It's Ossama!"
-All boo-

("I thought you knew."
"Yeah, right. Matt would know," he said. )
IVORY: -Jeff-: "He graduated suma cum loude in badly-worded questioning."

(Lita laughed, "why don't you ask him?"
"What?"
"Ask him, you're the closest to him.  Thought there were no secrets between you two.")
ALL: "What?!"
STEVEN: "So if there are no secrets between them, Jeff should know about the picture..."

("There isn't now."
"Sorry."
"It's ok. I'll ask him," Jeff said.)
BULL: -Jeff, snotty-: "Thanks for making me look at my brother's package, Lita!"

(I have at least an hour left to sleep.  I'll call you in a few.)
IVORY: -Jeff-: ".eaons.."
BULL: "So Jeff has all of the sleeping skills of a large bear, I see."
STEVEN: "Lord knows he's familiar with them..."

("Ok, I'll talk to you later."
"Bye, Lita.")
GOODFATHER: "And Jeff hung the phone up, forever haunted by the sight of his brother's package."

(A few hours later, both Matt and Jeff were showered and eating breakfast downstairs in their small kitchen. )
IVORY: I'll bet that Jeff did so without towels..."
BULL: "So they're worth millions and they have a kitchen the size of a peach pit?"

("Coffee?" Jeff asked.
"Sure," Matt said, tiredly.)
IVORY: -Jeff, shouting-: "Cuppa Joe, kill the cow!!"

(Jeff wondered why he was so tired, as he poured the coffee into
Matt's cup.)
STEVEN: "It's hard to sleep in a pool of one's own urine."

("So, Matt," Jeff said, cutting to the chase, )

-All watch Wilie Coyote cut through the scene.

("is there something you
want to tell me?"
"Like what?" matt asked completely unaware of what Jeff was
getting at.)
GOODFATHER: -Jeff-: "Like where babies come from?"
IVORY: -Jeff-: "Quantum physics: Why and how?"
VAL: -Jeff-: "Like why you're sleeping with that Lita tramp?!"

("Like, this," Jeff went to get his laptop, and showed Matt the picture, who promptly spit-out his coffee.)
STEVEN: "..As representatives for the estate of Danny Thomas beat a path to their door..."
GOODFATHER: "They'll repossess their cozy little breakfast nook for that.."

(Jeff of course moved the computer).
VAL: "Jeff, however, was coated head-to-toe in steamy coffee..."
IVORY: "If they're so close, Matt can give Jeff a skin graft..."

("Jeff!" What the f* did you do?")
STEVEN: "Hey!  That's where all the "F"'s we got out of the WWE went!"

("I was going to ask you the same thing," Jeff replied.
Matt blushed, "at Christian's.)
VAL: "At Christian's...what?"
STEVEN: "So Chrisian IS the Bob Crane of the WWE..."

(But I didn't put it on the Internet.")
GOODFATHER: -Matt- :"We left that to the good people at Fotomat..."

(Meanwhile, Lita called the McMahon's.
"Hello?")
GOODFATHER: "Hela, heba hello-a!"

("Hello sleeping beauty, is there something you'd like to tell me?")
IVORY: -SB- : Don't prick your finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel?"

(Lita asked recognizing Stephanie's voice.  "What are you talking about Lita?")
VAL: "A revolution?"
GOODFATHER: "We do want to change the world, after all."

(Stephanie said, obviously annoyed that the `help' called her at this
hour (now 11:00 a.m.).)
STEVEN: "Margaret Dumont would have their heads!"
BULL: The rich don't rise until midnight, after all...

("The picture of Matt."
"What picture?"
"Oh come on, the drool squad."
"What the hell are you talking about?")
GOODFATHER:  "I guess BITCHes don't understand..."
IVORY: "What's on second, you know."

("You really don't know," Lita said, saddened that her theory is just that, a theory.)
VAL: "All of those hours with Oliver Stone, wasted..."
GOODFATHER: "Lita just needs to go back to the grassy knoll for awhile."

("No, I don't know," Stephanie retorted.
"Ok, then, sorry to bother you, see you at work.")
BULL -Lita-: "Where you'll dock my pay for being an idiot.."

("Yeah," Stephanie mumbled, hanging up and wondering what Lita really was talking about, drifting back to sleep.)
STEVEN: -Steph-: "She just hasn't been the same since Matt started wetting the bed.."

("Jericho, what did you to do Matt?" Jeff asked Chris Jericho on
the phone, almost threateningly.)
IVORY -Jeff-: "Don't make me get out my CRIMPER!!"

(He knew Chris didn't like Matt dating Christian; he knew he wanted in on
the tag-team action.)
GOODFATHER: "And it's really hard to just come out and say 'hey, wanna swap'?"

("I put his lovely picture up on the Internet for all the fans.")
VAL: -Chris-: "Just like every other teeny-bopper in the history of the world!"

(Jeff surprised at Chris's admittance so soon, "Why?"
"Isn't obvious, I want in the tag-team action.")
STEVEN: -Chris-: "Now bend over!"

("Jeez, you didn't have to put his picture-up."
"If you take it down, then we'll talk to Hunter.")
GOODFATHER: "Waitaminute: Where did that second speaker come from?"
STEVEN: The audience is talking back already..."

("Hunter, what can he do?"
"We know him, he can get you on the card.")
VAL: "Wow, does this fic have a hotline into the future or what?"
GOODFATHER: -Jeff-: "I'll see you at the other end of that pedigree, pal."

(You get me the shot and then I'll take it down
when it's official.")
BULL: -Chris-: "And replace it with that picture of you Jello-Wrestling for the King!"
LAWLER -in VO-: "Hey, cut that out!"
-All look around, trying to figure out where the voice came from-

("Fine," Jeff said and hung-up.
"What did the asshole say?" Matt asked trying not to sound too anxious.)
STEVEN: "Only in slash fiction can an asshole speak.."

("He said if we talk Hunter into letting him in the card, he'll take it down."
"Bitch," Matt took-up the phone and talked to Hunter, who agreed. )
IVORY: "After talking to HIS bitch.  Then they went downstairs and had breakfast with his BITCH of a mother-in-law."

(Awhile-later things were sorted out, )
GOODFATHER: "Stuff happened, it was good..."

(Lita came-over and called back Chris Jericho, telling him things was all set. They sighed when )
VAL: "...Chris trotted out his lame Joey Tribbiani impression yet again..."

(they hung-up and went back to the site and saw the picture was gone.)
BULL: "And once again, Google works its magic..."

("All that for a picture," Matt said.  )
STEVEN: "Well, you're the one who threw a hissy fit, Matt!"

("Don't worry we'll kick his ass tomorrow night," Lita said, as they
enjoyed sipping their coffee....)
IVORY: "Ah, Another International Coffee moment...."
GOODFATHER: "Wait a minute...it's over?  Is Jericho going to become a part of Team X-Treme or what?!"
STEVEN: "I smell something rotten in the air; I think it's a sequel...Come on guys, let's get out of here.."

(All file out in usual order)

(DOOR SEQUENCE: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10)

(Ivory is sitting behind the main console, eating a banana.  Suddenly, Val ambles up from screen left)

VAL: "Hey, Bitch!"

IVORY -with narrowed eyes-: "Excuse me?!"

VAL: "I said 'Hey Bitch'."

IVORY: 	"So you want to lose all of your teeth?"

VAL: "Huh?!  No, I'm just exploring more ways to use this wonderful adjective, just like the characters in today's fic!"

IVORY: "Ummm..alright..."

-Goodfather enters at stage right-

GOODFATHER: "Isn't this great?  It's a picture of my dog's puppies.  Kat was actually nice enough to have it sent up here."

VAL: "Awww...what a cute bi.."

GOODFATHER -infuriated-: "What did you just call her?!"

VAL: "Don't take offense, brother Goodfather!"

IVORY: "He's trying out new ways to use the word."

GOODFATHER: "How Sesame Street..."

VAL: "Thank you!"

-Steven enters from stage left, carrying a photo album with him-

GOODFATHER: "Steven, what are you doing?"

STEVEN: "Looking at pictures of my mother."

-Everyone's silent, and all but Steven watch Val expectantly-

VAL: "What?!  His mother's a saint!"

-Everyone groans, as klaxons and sirens commence-

BULL: -hopping in from screen right-: "Yay!!  Sequel SIIGGGN!!"

-All rush around in typical pandemonium-

(Door Sequence: 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1)