(All file in and are seated; Goodfather, Val, Bull, Ivory, Steven) BULL: Are you sure you have enough nail polish remover to take care of us?" IVORY: "Positive" (The Art of War -- How to Destroy Steven Richards!) GOODFATHER: "Step one: Fire, and lots of it!" ( Author: Lu Baihu) VAL: "That sounds familiar; I'm thinking videogame?" STEVEN: -nodding-: "Romance of The Three Kingdoms'. I took over Asia when I was sixteen thanks to that thing." (It is recommended that the WWFHo-Train site be updated with this page, for it gives pointers for those who want to save the hos, and those who go into battle against the RTC to do just that. ) -All snicker to themselves- BULL: The liklihood of WWF Executives exploring Fan Fiction.net in an attempt to 'recruit people' to save 'hos' that are only 'endagered' in a storyline is very slim, indeed." (Currently, the Right to Freedom is the opposition, consisting of Dudleyz, Acolytes, Too Cool, and Hardyz.) IVORY: -impressed-: "Right To Freedom? Gee, they should let this kid book; he's got an original name for them and everything." (*IMPORTANT TIPS FOR THE RTF - RIGHT TO FREEDOM!*) VAL: Step #1: Bathe in the blood of sweet, sweet freedom." GOODFATHER: "Step #2: Evade taxes." STEVEN: "Step #3: Buy tax shelter in Switzerland." (In these crucial times, we face the tyrannical censorship for Stevie Richards. His army, Bull Buchanan and the Good Father. ) IVORY: -snorts-: "I guess I'm just pretty wallpaper." STEVEN: -snickering-: "Tyranical censorship...this is too rich.." (Our cause is led by the Dudleyz, the Acolytes, Too Cool, and the Hardyz.) VAL -frowning-: "Why, because we worked with them?" GOODFATHER: "Technically, we only feuded with the Duds and the Alcolytes; we just had multiple matches with the other two teams.." ( They have served valiantly, and fought hard. ) VAL -Lu-: "They will be given many virgins and as much passion fruit as they can carry..." (Yet, their successes are mixed. ) STEVEN: "Predetermined match endings tend to cause that." (This strategy is put out in hopes to increase it.) BULL: "The strategy is to put out? I can do that!" (KNOW THE ENEMY (RTC)) IVORY: "Hmmm...how well do we know us?" VAL: "Maybe we should take one of those Emode tests.." (1) Stevie Richards is on a power trip. ) BULL: "Gee, what genuis did it take to pick that up?" STEVEN: "Hey!"\ (One day he joined the Christian Coalition (or one of those idiot groups) and just went even further then they did. ) -All blink at the screen in utter confusion- IVORY: "Come on! The Christian Coalition's so straightlaced that they picket US..." (Those who lose sight of their original goals, will err when commanding. ) GOODFATHER: "Is that some sort of BS war platitude that I'm missing?" (His rhetoric has warped itself, and may eventually alienate his followers. ) BULL: "Don't worry, Steven; keep the Ding Dongs plentiful and I'll stay with you..." (Among those beliefs he thinks are correct includes that which says that justice and good will win, and that somehow his troops will march on undefeated; he need only sit and command. ) VAL: "This guy is putting WAY too much thought into a simple wrestling gimmick..." STEVEN: "What do you expect from someone so obsessed with The Romance Of Three Kingdoms that he actually named himself after one of the characters?" (However, they have already been defeated (by the Hardyz on HeAT),) GOODFATHER: "And The Undertaker and Kane..." IVORY: "...And basically everyone else..." -Steven glowers- ( and a 'sit-&-command' leader doesn't truly understand the conditions. ) VAL: "He has to get out there and eat K-Rations with his men, consornit!" (The blind merely lead the blind.) IVORY: "...Right out into traffic and in front of a two-ton RV..." (2) Bull Buchanan is merely a hired enforcer. ) BULL: "I am not! I happen to the the person who came up with casual Fridays!" (When he was with Big Bossman, ) BULL: "I was with Ray Traylor? When did I do that?" VAL: "It was right after that whole Oddities thing, remember, right after The Truth Commission?" BULL: "Oh yeah...damn, I've been in a lot of crappy gangs, haven't I?" (he was indiced to join Stevie Richards. ) STEVEN: "Oh, Clever. Arhn Arnh." (History has often shown that dictators can fall by their own enforcers - Hitler was almost assassinated by a coup of top officers. ) GOODFATHER: "How can anyone who rattles something like that off be such a mark?" (Richards must never consider Buchanan as mere muscle, because he has a brain. ) STEVEN: "Wanna bet? Hey, Bull, are you a giraffe?" BULL: "Yes." (If he is alienated by his commander's policies, will Richards' resources be enough to lure him back in time? Let's hope not.) IVORY: "Because then his little theory would be blown all to hell..." GOODFATHER: "Yeah, after all, Steven controlls several dams and the entire power supply foe western unctunsville..." (3) Good Father ) GOODFATHER: "GOODFATHER!" (was once the Godfather, now converted. ) IVORY: "His rice now boils faster and more efficently!" (However, a true leader must win over people with convincing, not force. Godfather was defeated by Bull Buchanan and not recruited - he was brainwashed. ) GOODFATHER -snorting-: "Yeah, that extra-big paycheck was an excellent example of brainwashing, Steven.." (Inside the dapper exterior, the Godfather simmers and waits, knowing that Richards cheated him from a win. ) VAL: -Goodfather-: "Can't forget he cheated himself out of a predetermined match! Forbid it!" (In this way, Stevie Richards has won more muscle - but can he guarantee its loyalty?) STEVEN: "Like this!" -hands Goodfather a wad of cash- GOODFATHER: "Steven, my brother!" (KNOW YOURSELF) IVORY: Explore yourself! Do Tai-Chee!" ( - AND GATHER ALLIES) STEVEN:"...Powwow and pancake breakfast.." (1) The key is SUPPORT. An army without food cannot win - ) VAL: "Tech support? Not likely in this lifetime.." STEVEN: "An army without food is, in fact, dead.." (the fans and allies are your food. ) GOODFATHER: "Simmer them slowly in a tender beef broth.." (You must delve into the ranks of the Fed, ) IVORY: -Lu-: "Find someone in the FBI who's as big a mark as you are." (find where each person stands on this issue, and recruit those leaning towards you. ) BULL: "Hah! So who's the brainwasher now?" (Find those with grudges against RTC, for they will want to join the Right To Freedom, who consist of: ) IVORY: "Moot points and B-Card wrestlers?" (a. The Dudleyz: RTC does not want people to be put through. No TABLES?! ) GOODFATHER: "Funny how many tables I went through, regardlessly." STEVEN: "No shirts, no tables, no problems!" (For Buh Buh Ray, it's personal ... let's put RTC through the RING!) BULL: -Lu-: "Let's send them straight to HELL!" -All wince away from him- (b. The Hardyz & Lita: RTC wants to censor Lita's panties (which are barely showing!), ) IVORY -snickering-: "Not that Lu here gets any kind of charge out of that..." (and the Hardyz' high-flying acrobatics. "Too daring," they'd say.) STEVEN: "Yeah, Yeah...Jeff Hardy'll be thanking me when he can't turn his neck to cough anymore.." (c. Too Cool: RTC has vowed to censor The Worm. What next, the Running Man? Or the Stink Face?!) GOODFATHER: "Shows you how much you know! The Bump is next!" (d. The Acolytes: It's already started. The beer, the cards, oh my ...) STEVEN: "Marks and beers and cards, oh my.." (2) The RTF cannot compete and hope the RTC goes away; it must be sped along. ) IVORY: "They MUST take laxitives daily.." (The RTC must go to Commissioner Foley, demand matches against RTC.) STEVEN: "...And when they don't get them, they MUST be willing to settle for a unicycle..." ( He is a gracious commissioner, who has willing given matches for the deserving. ) VAL -snickering-: "I hear Mick can cure lepers now..." (SummerSlam would be a good event for this, or any with a high buy-rate. ) BULL: "Why is he aware of buyrates and not that this is one big work?!" (RTF must be active in the fight for our rights. ) BULL: "Yeah, well, we're active in our own fight for rights...to free speech." (They must take the fight through each level of the WWF hierarchy, train and perform to raise their standing. Also, the weak-minded within the Federation can be influenced - you must get to them before RTC does. ) STEVEN: -Lu-: "You MUST convince Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel that he has a place within your organization!" (Should RTC recruit them and fill their minds with their rhetoric, it shall be too late to save them. ) IVORY -snorts-: "He acts like we burn people to death or something when we recruit them." (You must recruit them, you must insert our cause into their simple minds ) GOODFATHER: "Who looks like the rhetorical fool now, Baihu?" (... hey, that sounds like Edge and Christian!) STEVEN -Lu-: "Ghu, I made a funny!" (SECURE SUPPORT FROM THE PEOPLE WHO MATTER) BULL: "I don't think the president wants to get involved in worked wrestling angles." (1) (You must get support from a higher power. )) IVORY -covering Steven's mouth-: "No Vince jokes!" (RTC considers itself a moral authority, but they too answer to someone in the WWF.) GOODFATHER: "Yeah, the costume people, the janitors..." ( Case in point: The Commish. Commissioner Foley himself has enacted in violence that the RTC is against - will he not support you? ) IVORY: -Lu-: "Does he not eat beans with George Wendt?!" (The Commissioner has the power to explicitly force matches in your favor, as he does against the McMahon-Helmsley faction. ) BULL: "So Lu advocates THEM cheating, but not us?" (Recent footage on RAW speculates that Vince is slightly leaning with Foley (strong censuring of Triple H and Kurt Angle), ) STEVEN -blinking-: "When did that happen?" IVORY: "Years ago. Probably one of those mini-angles you could sleep through." (but should not be automatically assumed. Go to Foley for support if you need it, as he answers to Linda - she'll clear it for him.) BULL: "'Cause Linda just hates us, ya know." GOODFATHER: "How'd she like that fruitbasket you sent her for her birthday, By the way?" ((2) Do not lose the support of your fan base. ) IVORY -Lu-: "All your fanbases must belonging to you!" (The hos have worked hard to garner the support of fans, but you must as well. ) STEVEN: "'Worked Hard?' They wriggled around in high heels and clapped their hands. You call that working hard?" (A leading ho is in the hospital (as seen on SmackDown!), and you must take over. ) VAL: -Lu-: "You MUST enact an equal opportunity lapdance policy!!" (Arouse the support of fans by offering rewards. ) GOODFATHER : "And we all know what kind of awards they'd like. Wink, wink.." (Have them to picket at RTC gatherings, ) BULL: "Gatherings?! Steven, I'm hurt, you really DID start having those company picnics behind my back!" VAL: -protesters-: "Free the potato salad seven!" (or to chant 'Save the Hos' and disrupt an RTC member's focus during a match (such as when Bull missed a scissor kick during KOR). ) STEVEN -snorting-: "I remember that!" BULL: "It wasn't my fault! The other guy missed the call!" (Reward them with what they request. Hand out autographs. ) -All start breaking up- (Give front-row seats at Dudley matches (and bring out the tables!). ) -All REALLY start breaking up- (Teach them some basic dance moves by Too Cool. ) -All are openly snickering- (Offer discounts on hos - do as you need!) --All roar in laughter- (BEWARE OF X-FACTORS (NOT JUST X-PAC'S)) STEVEN: -snickering-: "Gee, this guy's funnier when he's not kidding..." (1) Sure, X-Pac's finisher is a match-winner. ) IVORY: "And a surefire ratings loser..." (However, the other X-factor is a wild card - like Kurt Angle. ) GOODFATHER: "Yes, what does Kurt Angle think of what us plebes are doing down on the lower card?" (Where does he stand in this conflict? Where does Y2J? Or Edge & Christian? ) VAL: "I think their belly button lint's more valuable than their opinions on this.." (They may be good people, but not all. ) BULL: "Some of them could wear the Mark of Not Liking Hos!" -all mockingly gasp- (If you find others' views, you minimize your X-factors, take less risks. Recruiting other people will also help out, since more people for RTF = less recruits for RTC. ) STEVEN: "and it also ='s less face time as an individual wrestler. They'll be thrilled with that." (Also, be VERY wary in Stevie Richards' presence. ) STEVEN -cackling-: "MWHAHAA!!" (He no longer actively competes) IVORY: "He hasn't seen the HWA press release, has he?" ( but can still use a mean Steviekick) BULL: "It's the only scrap of respect we're going to get; savor it.." ( - the hos, Lita, and others have found out. Not to mention run-in interference or chairs ...) GOODFATHER: "And his stinging bitchslap!" (2) Another key - backstage politics.) VAL: -blinking-: "He knows about backstage politics...I have no clue how the hell he can get that but not the simple idea of a WORK..." ( It's not enough to see if certain people support RTF - make it happen. ) GOODFATHER -Lu-: "Hold them down and MAKE them join the RTF!!" IVORY: "But Lu, wouldn't that make you just the the RTC?" GOODFATHER -Lu-: "Do not contradict Lu Biahu!!" (Just Joe (he has his own section) could give some help, ) VAL: -Lu-: "He has his own grapefruit, he'll be a big help!" (since people can be tricked into joining, and their beliefs twist to justify it. ) BULL: "...Their feelings hurt, their belongings sat upon..." (They will flock to you much faster. ) VAL: "If you bring a lot of birdseed.." (Things cannot wait in this critical stage to occur, or will be too late to aid you. USE THEIR OWN AGAINST THEM) GOODFATHER: "Cut off their noses to spite their faces!" (1) Stevie Richards' own words can be twisted against him. Wasn't he similar to this before? ) STEVEN: "Wasn't I what in the who now?" (Is he the real leader, or does he answer to some other group, like the Christian Coalition? ) IVORY: -smartly-: "Oh yeah; the Christian Coalition's just yanking all of our strings." (Other groups agree with him? ) GOODFATHER -Homer Simpson-: "Thai good, you like shirt?" (I have yet to hear from the Moral Majority or Focus on the Family go to his level. ) STEVEN: "That's because they have no sense of proper management." (Some are quite lenient, and yet he twists it to fit what he believes. He speaks against violence of the Dudleyz' nature, such as tables, but has yet to see this: http://elroy.net/ehr/vchip.html) IVORY -snickering-: "Elroy.net.." STEVEN -mockingly-: "Oh, the mighty Lu Baihu believes in the V-Chip! Isn't that another form of CENSORSHIP?!" ((2) A second, and even more important key, is an insider. ) BULL: "Like the magazine columnist?" (Undertaker trusted Kane - who put him through the ring. Even if Kane reconciles, he can never regain the full trust again. ) IVORY: "...Until the writers decide it's a good time for that to happen..." (This applies to Stevie Richards, as if the Undertaker. ) VAL: "Is that some sort of weird iambic pentameter I don't understand yet?" (Have this insider 'turn traitor' and join. ) IVORY: "Try it and we start giving out Indian burns and noogies!" (In this time, the insider is to find the RTC's targets, and warn them.) BULL: -insider-: "Look out for the weird guy with the buzz cut picking through your garbage!" ( When a tag is called for, prove lacking in performance. In a censoring sweep, pick out the most useless and unmissed of items, or redirect the focus. At a important event (possibly a censoring stipulation), mess up a run-in or turn back. ) STEVEN -confused-: "So, purposely suck in order to confuse us, or what?" IVORY: "I'm just enjoying his informative way of marking out; it's like reading a civil defense manual for grade schoolers." (Not only will the RTF be aided, but the most important factor is loyalty: RTC can never, eh-eh-evah! be fully trusted by Richards, ah-gain! ) GOODFATHER: -Lu-: "Heh! Chris Jericho is funny!" (Also, members will be disgruntled, annoyed at surveillance by their leader. ) VAL: "Yeah, Steven, take the cameras out of my bathroom already!" STEVEN: "But they're there for a...research project! Yeah, that's it..." (Their performance may dip, or they may enter conflict ... either way, it's all good, it's all good ...) BULL -ghetto-: "Flippa flippa yo on the downside, yo." (HEY, MESSENGER JOE!) VAL: "Calling all little chocolate figures!" (1) That's right, The Messenger. ) STEVEN: "IF he's anything like 'The Watcher', I'll pass." (Though he seems geeky by hanging with Kaientai, he has done more for The Rock, Undertaker and Y2J than you'd think. ) GOODFATHER: "And his blood makes good car polish!" (Already simmering was the coalition of Triple H and Kurt Angle. Triple H is jealous of Stephanie's relationship with Angle, and does not really trust Shane either. Shane isn't one to trust more than his personal circle, so Commissioner Foley quickly exploited this. Placing Triple H in tag matches with Trish Stratus or Kurt Angle, tensions with both sides grew, and now even Stephanie is disillusioned, unable to fully trust Triple H. ) VAL -snickering-: "It's just funny, considering that Steph's pregnant and Kurt's off in another angle..let's enjoy the nostalgia, shall we?" (Even Shane is warning Angle to stay away from Stephanie. Just Joe has proven himself key to this angle (excuse the pun), and you better believe this could work with RTC ...) IVORY: "Ummm...anyone catch that pun?" (2) Just Joe's talking skills are key. ) STEVEN: "Kind of like his ability to cut a promo?" (First convincing Angle that Triple H would turn on him, then Triple H that Shane would, their tension degraded their skill and performance, allowing opponents to take advantage. ) VAL: "..Of their low, low prices!" (It has been proven that often key actions have won or lost RTC matches. RTC was focused, active and cautious. If this was downgraded enough, RTF could win. ) GOODFATHER: "Hee hee...Right to Fu.." STEVEN: "No!" IVORY: "Downgraded like a hurricane, or downgraded like a fever?" (JJ could prove a factor in this. ) ALL: "Dy-no-mite!" (Not only can he disrupt the RTC's alliances, he can be a 'two-way radio' for RTF, helping them to correspond between each other, and with Commissioner Foley.) VAL: "Yeah, Jo looks like someone who's really ready to squat in the trenches for the good of "the Cause"." (IN CLOSING) GOODFATHER: "Gads, I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of a Model UN Debate.." (In closing, the keys for the success of the Right to Freedom are: ) VAL: "Lie..." STEVEN: "Brainwash." IVORY: "Polestherize.." GOODFATHER: "Blame!" (know the enemy, know yourself (and gather allies), secure support from the fans (and Foley), use their own against them, and get Just Joe on your side. ) IVORY: "All this and more will freshen your breath and make you a spiffy human being!" (Oh yeah, Have a nice day!) -All hum Mick's theme music as they exit the theater- (DOOR SEQUENCE: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10) (Ivory stands in the foreground; the other RTCers are nowhere to be found. Behind the console and in the distance, Steven appears) IVORY -whispering-: "How to break Steven Richards in three easy steps." -Steven starts groping around under the desk for something- STEVEN: "Guys, have you seen my comic collection?" GOODFATHER -offscreen-: "That old box of books? We burned them for heat." (Steven's eyes bug out and he starts to hyperventilate) IVORY: "Step One: Shred his comic books." (Steven reaches into the mini fridge kept on the counter) STEVEN: "What happened to my sandwich?" VAL: "Pumpernickle and salami?" STEVEN: "Yeah." VAL: "I ate it." IVORY: "Step three; eat his sandwich." (Steven lets out a whining noise as he reaches under the counter, withdraws a DVD, plugs it into the mini-entertainment system resting to the right of the console, and presses on a remote button. The TV flicks on, and we hear...) VAL: "Helloooo ladies!" STEVEN: -hysterical-: "My Simpsons First Season DVD package?!" VAL: -still OS-: "I'm sorry, Steven, did you want to keep those? I treaded them in for 'The Best Of Val Venis'. It's me at my most pornographic." IVORY: "Step three: misplace his Simpsons DVD collection." (She looks over her shoulder as Steven collapses to the floor, whining and quivering) IVORY: "It's that easy, folks." -The mad sign starts to flash; when no one comes over to press it, Ivory saunters over. Leaning over to watch the Venis tape, she presses it- (HB, which shows all the signs of being ravaged by war; we pan over to a table, around which many bikers sit; Kat is stained with smoke and her helmet is askew) KAT: "Fine, how does this read,"-she holds up the document- "I, Kat, and her companion, Jerry, surrender, despite her best attempt to protect the sanctity of my fortress. We hereby promise to jettison all remaining Jeffy: The Doll You Love To Dress Dolls into the nearest burning sun over 1,000 degrees F. I also promise to send all members of BOTM the recipe for my stunning vegetable dip." BIKER #1: "Sounds good to me; how do you like it, boys?" -They all shout and hoot as she signs to document- JERRY -shaking his head-: "The things we small businesspeople have to suffer.." KAT: "Just press the button, nimrod," -to a nearby biker- "Hey Handsome, how many ways do you swing?" -he presses the button- (IRIS OUT, CREDITS, which play to the tune of the End Theme ") (AUTHOR'S NOTES: The Watcher REALLY took it out of me this month, though I'd been looking for a good excuse to write that Dixie Chicks parody for quite awhile. I managed to pop off what I think are some pretty good riffs here, hope it's enjoyed. For More info, or to write a letter to the RTC-ITES, send an email to , himh@AOL.com For more details, see my disclaimer at the beginning of the story. AAAND..we're out!) *guitar twang* STINGER: Patrick, of "The Watcher", does Danzig: "I'm coming in your home, I wish you could, I'm coming in your hole, I wish you would."