(The Enter the theatre and are seated: Goodfather, Val, Steven, Ivory, Bull)

STEVEN: "I'll show you where you can plant your head..."

(THE HOTTEST GUYS IN THE WWF ACCORDING TO ME:) 
IVORY: "Or, how I beat my addiction to nude pictures of Vince McMahon in one easy step!"

(By GoldenGurl)
VAL: "Yeah, thanks for being a friend..."
BULL: "Think we'll get any St. Olaf stories?"

(1) Chris Jericho: )
VAL: "He's the champion of the world AND the hottest guy in the WWF?!  I think someone greased a squeaky wheel or two, if ya know what I mean.."

(Ok all I have to say is that this guy is off the charts fine. )
IVORY -valley girlish-: "Like, he is SO crushed into a thin powder an' stuff!"

(Some people may see him as annoying but i love everything about him. )
STEVEN: -Valley Girlish-: "Like, when he stops traffic with his voice, it's sucha turn-on!"

(Just staring into his cute baby blue eyes makes me crazy! )
BULL: -girl-: "I hadta like kill my cat fer him!  Fer sure!"

(He has a great body, )
IVORY: "Negligable."

(a very cute face, )
VAL: "...for someone who resembles Popeye from the chin down..."

(and the coolest Canadian accent!)
STEVEN: -over-the-top Canadian stereotype-: "Ey!  I think she likes us, Svegn!"
GOODFATHER -somewhat Swedish-: "Ya, ya, she wants to roll my log."
STEVEN: - elbows him and whispers-: "That was Swedish!"

(2)The Rock: )
IVORY: "She's hot for the Prudential bank?!"

(Ok there's no words to describe how hot he is. )
GOODFATHER: "How about 'Hot'?"

(I love the lines he uses )
IVORY: "Oh, come on; even that pie one gets on MY nerves..."

(and just everything about him in general. )
STEVEN: -Valley Girlish-: "Especially cuz he's, like, old enough ta be my dad!"
(Plus he's very clean cut and has very kissable lips. )
IVORY: "....which are the property of his wife, I might add."
VAL: "Clean cut?  He makes me look clean cut!"

(By the way, I really hated to see him and Jericho get into it on Raw :-()

IVORY: -blinking-: "Damn, the more things change, the more they stay the same.."
STEVEN: "What?"
IVORY: "This kid put this together about a year ago."
VAL: "Well, Vince isn't one for throwing out stale plots when they've worked for him once; look at me.."

(3)Edge: Well let's see. There's his soft muscles, )
IVORY: -blinking-: "'soft muscles'?!  She's never had the privilige of feeling them..."
STEVEN: "Feeling your oats, Ms. Ivory?"
-Ivory smirks and mimes smoking a cigarette-

(his hot tan, his beautiful long blonde hair, and those teeth. )
GOODFATHER: "I call no way!  His teeth are NOT sexy?!"
IVORY: "That's because you haven't had the joy of feeling them smack into yours!"
BULL: -hooting-: "You go, girl!"

(Doesn't he have like the best teeth in the business? )
STEVEN: "Lemme check," -sticks a finger into his own mouth- "Five cavities; yeah, I guess he wins."
GOODFATHER: "Aww, don't feel bad, Steven; they're probably all caps."
IVORY: "They're not.  Trust me."

(I think he is ultimately hot :-))
GOODFATHER: "Then why did she rank him at number three?!"

( Plus I love the way he used to crawl into the ring like that *sigh*)
IVORY: "He still does that.  He also crawls into bed that way."
STEVEN: "Ms. Ivory!"
IVORY -snickers wickedly-

(4)Undertaker: The reason i didn't put him as number one is because the other two guys are the ones that are considered "pretty boys". )
VAL: "Her logic is derailling."
STEVEN: "Baldly."
IVORY: "'Taker!  I rode his Harley once!"
STEVEN: "That had better not be a metaphor.."

(Taker is a bad a$$ and an awesome wrestler. )
GOODFATHER: -facetous-: "punch...kick..punch...hop..yeah, that's pretty awesome, alright.."

(Much respect to him!)
STEVEN: -girl-: "Translation: Total Dog face!"

(5)Kane: This one goes out to my bud Death Scribe. )
VAL: "'Death Scribe?!'  Was Corpse Writer taken?"

(She is a Kane freak and who blames her? )
STEVEN: "Me!  Me!"

(I especially love his hair. It looks so clean, )
GOODFATHER: "And thin!"

(call me crazy if u want to.  It's just that some guys with long hair keep it really dirty. )
-Everyone gives Steven a good, long look-
STEVEN: "Come on!  I scrubbed my hair every day of my life!"

(Do you see a trend here? )
IVORY: -girl-: "Up With O-Town!  Down with Backstreet!"

(I like long hair! )
VAL: "But she ranked Rock number two!  He has a crew cut!"
(Kane is awesome and that's all there is to it.)
IVORY: "She's right...he's bright, he's tall, and he has big hands...."
STEVEN: "What is it with you and big hands?"
IVORY: "Big hands are essential.  Figure it out for yourself."

(6)Kurt Angle: I'm actually surprised that I'm including him. )
GOODFATHER: -girl-: "Then again, my right hand is, like, writing this all by itself, without me even thinkin' about it!"

(Several months ago I thought he was a smart alleck egotistical guy.  But now that he's sorta the spokesperson for the wwf I love him and the more I look at him the more I think he has the cutest little face. )
BULL: "Guys, wanna bet that she hates his guts now?"
STEVEN: "I don't take sucker bets."

(His body is ok and all but I love his face )
IVORY: -girl-: "Especially his huge jaw and squinty eyes!"

(and also how he hates Austin which is always a good thing.)
GOODFATHER: -girl-: "Unless you're, like, totally related to him or something.  That would, like, totally blow an' stuff..."

(7)Christian: )
ALL: -operatic-: "CHRISTIAN!!"

(Although he did stab his brother in the back which totally sux I still think he's cute. )
BULL: -girl-: "If he, like, asked me ta help him rob a bank, it'd be like totally OK, cause he's got a wicked cool butt!"

(I hated that phase he was in with the really ugly sunglasses )
IVORY: "So did Elton John's lawyers.."

(but he's very hot although i hate his character now)
STEVEN: "How is it she can't differentiate between the Austin thing being make-believe and Christian playing a character is strange.  It's like she's half-aware of the work or something..."
VAL: "Maybe she reads The Torch but not the Lariat."
BULL: "Exactly...huh?!"

(8) Rob Van Dam: Ok i have no idea why I am including him. )
IVORY -Valley Girl-: "My right hand must, like, think he's totally hot 're somethin!"

(I promised myself that I would forever hate Alliance guys. )
STEVEN: -blinking-: "She hates me?!"
GOODFATHER: "One more woman hating you won't hurt, Steven."
STEVEN: "Eh, whatt're ya gonna do about it?"

(But I can't help it. He has the cutest little dimples :-))
IVORY: "On BOTH sets of cheeks!"
-All squeal fangirlishly-

( And there's just something about that man that I really can't explain. )
BULL: -girl-: "I think it's, like, his genome strut're 're som neat junk like that.."

(Awww those dimples..)
GOODFATHER: "Aww, my galbladder.."

(9) Triple H: Well I hate his huge, horrible nose )
-All chuckle at the meanspiritedness of that comment-
(but he has like the best body I've ever seen. )
STEVEN: -girl-: "Then again, I live with a bunch of Oompah Loompas.."

(And his hair, there's just something about his hair when it's all wet :-))
IVORY: "This girl is breaking the land-speed record for Most Obvious Expression of Wet Hair Fetish."

(10))
STEVEN: "Oooh!!  I know!  It's me, isn't it?!"

( Jeff Hardy: )
STEVEN: "Aww, damn!"

(Why the heck am I putting him as #10? Well personally I think I should have put him as #3. )
IVORY -girl-: "But, like, my right hand totally hates guys with purple hair, pshaw!"

(But anyway, he's so extreme, so "hardcore", so SEXY!!!!! )
GOODFATHER: "Like, so ripping off Raven's gimmick!"

(And I love the way he rips off his shirt like that!!!)
STEVEN: "Like this?!" -stands up and ripps off his shirt-
GOODFATHER: "Nah, like this," -stands and rips his own shirt-
IVORY: "My heterosexuality is waning severley.  Thanks a lot, guys."
VAL: "And you're breaking the no-nudity clause!"
STEVEN -shaking his head as he puts his shirt back on-: "Let's get out of here."

-They file out of the theatre-

(DOOR SEQUENCE: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10)

(The RTC-ites have reassembled in front of the main console; all are there except for Val and Goodfather)

STEVEN: That wasn't too bad; it was a little innacurate in places, but it could've been way worse..."
IVORY: "I can't think of much I would change; all of those guys are fairly hot."
STEVEN: "Really...do you think...I'm hot, Ivy?"
IVORY: -disdainfully-: "STEVEN!"
VAL -valley girlish, offscreen-: "Like, OhMiGod!"

(He enters the picture, wearing Pajamas and carrying a Teen Beat type magazine with him)

VAL -shrieking-: "Ohmigawd!!  Jeff Jarrett is, like, SOOOO hot!!!  I'd love to just put peanut butter all over him and like, lick, lick, lick! Right, Stef-an-ie?" -indicates Goodfather, who nods and grins; he can't talk because he's wearing a retainer-

BULL: -blinking-: "I think he's suffering from Fangirlitis."

STEVEN: "Let me check," -he peers into Val's eyes- "Swollen sense of hormonal feeling; sweating, excessive giggling..." -smiling at Val- "Now, Valarie, you do know that Jeff is married, right?"

(Val's face falls as a sadistic gleam enters his eyes)

VAL: "Like, he can't do that to me! I'm like, gonna totally burn down his car and kill his dog!!  We're meant to be together!!  His wife's a she-goat!" 

STEVEN: "He's gone into RHO!"

IVORY: "Romantic Hormonal Overload?!"

STEVEN: "PILE ON!!" 

-The RTCers throw themselves on a thrashing Val, leaving Goodfather to giggle in his nightgown and retainer.  Mads sign starts to blink, and he smacks it-

(HB)

(The Mads are still slumped over in drunken pain)

(SOP)

-The RTC-ites are busy applying money to Val. which involves tossing their accumulated dollars in the air-

(HB)

-Jerry's suddenly rather bright-eyed-

JERRY: "Is that money?!  I think I smell money?!"

(SOP)

IVORY: -with her arms filled with dough-: "This?!  Ohh, it's just various royalties from Vinnie Mac, for letting him clone over our DNA."

GOODFATHER: "Yeah, so we can serve out the rest of our contracts."

(HB, which has suddenly transformed into a gigantic merchandising stand; objects of every sort lie about the interior of Home Base.  Jerry and Kat suddenly pop up, dressed in full 1920's huckster costumes).

JERRY: -suddenly very bright-: "Well, whatcanwedoyafor today?!"

KAT: "Food?!  Clothing?!  Armistice?!"

(SOP)

STEVEN: -confused-: "No, no, we're good."

(HB)

JERRY: "But what manchild could be able to resist...."

-Kat thrusts a doll in front of the camera.  It looks suspiciously like Jeff Hardy-

KAT: "Jeffy, the doll you love...to dress!"

(SOP)

(ALL of the RTC-ites have stopped celebrating and are now watching Kat and Jerry in disbelief)

(HB)

KAT and JERRY -to the tune of "Fish Guts": "Jeff-y...Jeff-y..He comes with lots of col-ors!
Jeff-y, Jeff-y...rainbow-colored fun!"

(SOP)

STEVEN: "Uh, guys; we're fully-grown adults..."

(HB)

KAT: -oblivious-: "Jeffy!  He comes with forty different hair colors!  Forty different mesh shirts!"

JERRY: "And look at all of the different varieties he comes in!"

KAT: "Spaz Attack Dance Jeffy!" -She presses a button on the back of a Jeffy doll, and it begins to spastically dance-

JERRY: "Eccentric collector Jeffy!  Comes with big ugly fiberglass statues!"

KAT: "Tortured Artist Jeffy!  Complete with crying action!" -she presses a button and Jeffy starts to cry 'real tears'-

JERRY: "BMX Disaster Jeffy!  Throw him into a wall and all of his limbs fall off!"

(SOP)

IVORY: "Guys, we really have enough stuff, honestly!"

(HB)

KAT: -desperate-: "But every Jeffy doubles as a pencil sharpener!  Watch!"

-Jerry bends over and pulls the pants down on one of the dolls.  Just as Kat's about to plant that pencil into a not-too-friendly area, we cut to-

(SOP)

-where all of the RTC-ites react in horrror-

STEVEN: "Oh, that's just going too far!  And when I don't find something that perverse funny, you know it's bad!"

VAL: "Someone needs fax GLADD!"

IVORY: -smugly-: "Actually, I've just faxed a very similar organization; they should be arriving at any second..."

GOODFATHER: "Another organization?!"

IVORY: "You'll see..."

(HB)

JERRY: -still disappointed as he speaks to Kat-: "We have thirty units of this thing and our test market is failing!"

KAT: -whispering-: "Go for the hard sale!"

JERRY: "Ahah!" -to the camera-: "If you guys don't buy at least one gross of 'Jeffy's" off of us, you're going to have to go back into the theater."

(SOP)

-The RTCers are in a huddle.  They break-

BULL: "That's a risk we'll take."

(HB)

KAT: "Your next piece is a 'tasteful' exploration of complicated psychodramatic relations between Danzig fans and pro wrestlers.  It's called The Watcher, and it sucks almost as bad as the same-named Keanu Reeves film." -she yanks at the lever-

(SOP)

(Val is dressed semi-normally as he reads a copy of "Jugs")

STEVEN: "There you go...one more issue and the treatment should be complete."

VAL: -looking at Steven-: "Did I turn into a teenage girl and then back again, or are you just trying to scare me?"

GOODFATHER: -not looking up from his own issue of "Jugs"-: "This is why I carry around a Poloroid Camera for all occasions." -shows Val a picture of himself as "Valarie".  He screams-

(Klaxons, lights flash, ship shakes)

STEVEN: "We'll take care of your psychological scars later, Val!  Right now, we've got Fic SIIIGGN!"

(All Run around in pandemonium)

(DOOR SEQUENCE: 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1)