Ok, I was bored last night so I just wrote a little misting on some stupid 
spam mail that I got. *sigh* I love aol. Hope you enjoy. Or at least try too.


(The MISTers enter the theatre)

[Bet On Any Sport, Legally!] 

Chris: Isn't that illegal?

Jason: No way dude! It says so right there!

[Just Like Being In Vegas!]

Adam: If you have the money to bet on sports, then why don't you just go to 
Vegas instead? I'm sure it would be a lot more fun there, then sitting in 
front of your computer.

Jason: Yeah! Whore's are legal in Vegas.

Chris: Speaking of whores…Oh Stephanie! Where are you?

(Stephanie walks in carrying a bucket of popcorn and some sodas.)

Stephanie (sarcastically): You rang?

Chris: Jay was just talking about whores and I thought you should be present 
for the conversation.

Stephanie (sweetly): Fuck off.

[Football Season Is Here!]

Jason (looking around): Where?

[ Open Your Account Now And 
Get Your "Preseason Bonus"!]

Adam: Oooh, the "preseason bonus!" Where do I sign up!

[Dear Sports Fan:]

Stephanie: How do they know we're sports fans?

Chris: And why are they calling me dear?

[Now you can have your very own, personal, safe and secure offshore sports 
casino wagering account!]

Adam: Off what shore?

[With Tele Sports Betting you're able to legally place bets via an 800 number 
or email!]

Chris: Sounds like a party. I'm in.

[TSB is a fully licensed sports casino located in the beautiful country of 
Costa Rica.]

Stephanie: That none of us will ever get to visit because we have to do it 
over the phone or by email.

[TSB takes wagers on everything from boxing, NASCAR and tennis to the usual 
NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL and NCAA football and basketball!]

Jason: What about the CFL?

Stephanie: No one cares about the CFL Jay.

Chris: Yeah, trashbag ho is right Jay, even us Canadians don't give a rat's 
ass about the CFL.

[You name it!]

Jason (chanting): CFL, CFL

Stephanie: What about the WWF?

Adam: Come on Steph, everyone knows the WWF isn't a real sport.

Stephanie: Hey, if Jay wants the CFL in there, why can't I want the WWF in 
there?

Chris: You got a point there.

[ If you can bet on it in Vegas, you can at TSB too!]

Adam: Then why not just go to Vegas?

[Minimum bets are only $10 by phone and $5 by email. Maximum bets are set 
on a customer by customer basis. So, if you're a small bettor or a big 
bettor ]

Adam: BettOR as opposed to better. Makes such a difference.

[TSB can service all of your sports wagering needs!]

Chris: I have a lot of needs that can be serviced and betting on sports is 
not one of em.

[TSB is like your own private Las Vegas Style Sports Casino!]

Jason: Do they have slot machines? I just love those Elvis slots.

[With TSB your account is:
100% LEGAL,]

Adam (coughing): Bullshit

[100%, SECURE, AND]

Chris (coughing): Bullshit

[100% CONFIDENTIAL!]

Stephanie: And more bullshit!

[For more information or to open a private secure wagering account call] 

Chris: 1-800-We are going to take all your money and you will never see a 
dime ever again.

[1-800-395-3175 today!]

Jason: Why today? 

[If the office is closed when you call]

Adam: We have been arrested for fraud and all of your money is gone! You will 
never see a red cent from us ever again, so please Call Today!!

[ - please leave a message with your e mail address or phone number so we can 
send you information or answer your questions!]

Stephanie: And take all your money and leave you and your bastard children 
cold and out on the streets begging for food. 

[Don't forget, sign up today and get a 10% BONUS based on 
your opening deposit!]

Chris (in Dr. Evil's voice): Of 100 million dollars

[1-800-395-3175 today!]

Adam: What if I want to call tomorrow? 

[Sincerely, 

Jake Timmer

Jason: Timmer? Rhymes with…hmm, what does it rhyme with?

[Customer Satisfaction Specialist
P.S. Below are the lines for today's games.]

Stephanie: Please bet on them so we can take all of your money and give you 
nothing in return. 

[1-800-395-3175]

Adam: We got the fucking point! You want us to call! We got it!

[For August 1

Major League Baseball]

Chris: Baseball? Who gives two shits about baseball?


[National League]

Jason: Dude, where are all the Canadian sports?

Stephanie (smirking): Like curling?

[FAVORITE LINE UNDERDOG LINE
Colorado -125 at Chicago +115]

Adam: They suck.

[Game 1, at Pittsburgh -125 Los Angeles +115
Game 2, Los Angeles -120 at Pittsburgh +110
at Florida -105 Houston -105
St. Louis -135 at Montreal +125]

Jason: Montreal! Go Canada!

[at New York -180 Cincinnati +170
San Francisco -150 at Milwaukee +140
Atlanta -130 at Arizona +120
at San Diego -115 Philadelphia +105]

Jason: I'm confused. What are all those numbers for?

Adam: I don't know, just nod and smile.

[American League
at Oakland -150 Toronto +140
at New York -170 Kansas City +160
Cleveland -150 at Tampa Bay +140
at Baltimore -175 Minnesota +165
Chicago -135 at Texas +125
at Seattle -145 Boston +135
at Anaheim -140 Detroit +130]

Chris (yawning): Are we done with the damn teams yet?


[NFL Preseason]

Chris (groaning): Please let this be over soon!

[Friday
FAVORITE OPEN TODAY O/U UNDERDOG
at Detroit]

Adam: Sucks!

[ OFF OFF (OFF) New England]

Stephanie (unenthusiastically): Yay. Go Patriots.

Chris: You like the Patriots?

Stephanie (shrugs): I'm from Connecticut.

[at Buffalo 3Â1/2 3Â1/2 (36Â1/2) Cincinnati
at Tampa Bay Pk Pk (36Â1/2) Washington
at Green Bay 2Â1/2 2Â1/2 (37) N.Y. Jets
Jacksonville 2Â1/2 2Â1/2 (38) at Carolina]

Adam: Sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks. They all suck.

[Saturday
at Pittsburgh 3 3 (36) Miami
at Tennessee 4Â1/2 4Â1/2 (36Â1/2) Kansas City
at Seattle Pk Pk (38) Indianapolis
at N.Y. Giants 2Â1/2 2Â1/2 (36) Chicago 
at St. Louis 6 6 (40) Oakland
at Baltimore 4Â1/2 4 (37Â1/2) Philadelphia
at Minnesota 4 4Â1/2 (38) New Orleans
at San Francisco OFF OFF (OFF) San Diego
Dallas 1 1 (37) Atlanta-x
at Arizona Pk Pk (37Â1/2) Denver]


[x-at Tokyo]

Chris: Um, wait a minute guys, Tokyo? Where the hell did Tokyo come in? 
They're too short to play football!

Jason: Wait, Tokyo has a team and Canada doesn't? Racism!!

[1-800-395-3175]

Adam: Not that blessed number again! Noooooo!!

Stephanie (soothingly): It's ok Adam, it will be ok. (pats his back) 

[For removal - type "remove" in the subject line.]

Chris: REMOVE

Adam: REMOVE

Stephanie: REMOVE

Jason: Remove what?

[***You must be 18 to wager***]

Chris: We only put that because we had to. We really don't care how old you 
are, as long as you call us and give us all your money. Come on kids, go dig 
through Mom's purse and find her Visa! Thatta boy, now come on Just dial the 
number! Good boy.

Adam: Is it over yet?

Stephanie: It's over. Thankfully. Well boys, what did we learn from this spam 
email?

Chris: That sports gambling is 100% legal and everyone and their 
grandmother's uncle should be doing it.

Adam: That you don't need to go all the way to Vegas to gamble. You can just 
sit on your fat ass on your couch and blow all your money in the privacy of 
your own home.

Jason: That whore's are legal in Vegas.

Stephanie: Exactly. Well I think our work here is done. Until next time boys….

[Exit theatre]