MYSTERY WRESTLING KAIJU THEATER 3000 Coming of Munihousen: Chapter 3 Original story by: The Great Red Serpent MSTed by: The Flashman Co-MSTed by: Lynxara Co-MSTed by: Dinobot SATELLITE OF NITRO Dinobot and Nash's eyes were locked in a stare down. Silence filled the void between them as their right hands twitched in preparation. "You think you can take me, Dinobutt?" Nash taunted. "I *know* I can," Dinobot replied calmly. Both of them narrowed their eyes as sweat began to build on their brows. "Okay then... LET'S DO IT!" Nash exclaimed, "I summon Ratatat!" Dinobot smirked as he hit the A button on his Gameboy and said, "Feel the wrath of my Charmander!" All over the rec room, other cries were heard. "My Magicarp's gonna take you DOWN!" "The Magicarp is the weakest character in the game! Which makes sense for YOU, Bisch. Now... prepare for our Geodude to be victorious!" "Gigan... your Pikachu will Rest... In... PEACE!" "Just because YOU have an Onix..." "Prepare to be excellently executed!" "WHOA! Where'd you get that Venusaur?!" The Pokemon battles continued, all minor outside distractions ignored in the intense heat of hand-held combat and cheerful battle music. Of course, that was when Destiny decided to initiate a MAJOR outside distraction. Lighting suddenly erupted from the television, flash frying all the Game Boys and their links. "YEEEEOWWWWW!!!" Ghidora screamed in agony, since he had to hold his Gameboy with his left and right mouths. "What the hell happened?!" Nash asked as Space Godzilla handed some ice cubes to Ghidora for him to suck on and cool his sore mouths. Everyone looked at Mark, who shrugged, then they looked at the television. Space Godzilla went wide-eyed and asked, "MISATO?!" On the television screen, was the face of G-Force Lt. Misato Katsuragi. Catching sight of the Kaiju, Misato turned to someone off screen and said, "Sir! We found them." Turning back to the surprised Satellite of Nitro residents, she asked, "How are you guys?" Better," Nash said as he smirked at Misato, "MUCH better now." Misato rolled her eyes in a way that showed that she'd had to deal with such comments often. "Don't mind him," Space Godzilla said, "We're fine. Except this madman named Vince McMahon has been showing us Coming of Munihousen." Misato frowned, "Coming of Munihousen? That evil... Doesn't he know that's been outlawed?" "HUH?!" The SoN crew asked as one. "Yeah," Misato confirmed, "A Kaiju rights group protested and the government caved in. Munihousen has been deemed Cruel and Unusual Punishment. We've GOT to get you out of there." "Could you get us down too?" Bisch asked as he and the wrestlers put on puppy dog faces and whimpered sadly. "Yes," Dinobot said, "To be able to return to my rightful place would be most welcome." Misato frowned thoughtfully. After thirty seconds, she said, "I'll see what we can do. Misato out." The image winked off and the television returned to a Simpsons rerun. "Now what?" Bret asked. "Now..." Gigan said with an evil smirk, "We wait. Something tells me that Aso will make Vince a VERY unhappy man." TITAN 13 Vince was a VERY unhappy man. His left foot and ankle were still sending waves of pain up his body, his electric wheelchair was so slow that Mark Henry could probably outrun it, he had extra prisoners to keep his eyes on and, on top of everything else, ever since he had become a Face, Rocky Maivia had become far less subserviant. "WHERE THE HELL IS MY APPLE JUICE?!" the owner of the WWF roared. "It's coming," Rocky snapped back from the kitchen, "Keep your damn shirt on." *Beep**Beep**Beep* "Now what?" Vince growled as he tapped the Incoming Message button. He jumped back slightly as the view screen showed the face of a scowling, bull dog like, Japanese man with a military buzz cut. "Greetings," Vince said, trying to remain calm, after all, this could have been a business call, "This is Titan 13. How may I help you?" "My name," the Japanese man said, "is Commander Aso. I apologize for bothering you in what is obviously a time of great personal suffering, but I am afraid that some things of ours may have accidently ended up on your property." Vince smirked and replied, "You wouldn't be talking about three rubbery looking monsters, would you?" Aso's eyes brightened as he said, "Yes! That's them! If it is at all possible, I would like them returned." "No." "WHAT?!" "I said no." Aso's face returned to it's normal scowl and he asked, "And just why is that?" "Because I don't feel good. And when I don't feel good, NOBODY feels good." At this point, Rocky came in and held out Vince's glass of apple juice. Vince whispered, "Not now, you MORON," and swatted the glass away. The Rock sighed in exasperation and stalked off. "I warn you," Aso growled, "if you will not give them back to G-Force, I am authorized to TAKE them." "Oh?" Vince asked haughtily, "How do you plan on accomplishing that?" Aso swept his hand in a grand gesture to a point behind him and said, "With THIS." The viewscreen image pulled out to encompass the entire main operating room of G-Force HQ... ... and the Deus Ex Machina in the center of it, with Misato at the controls. "WHAT?!" Vince exclaimed in shock, as the image on the G-Force side also pulled out to show the WWF owner's Deus Ex Machina with Rocky at the controls, "You've got one too?!" "Doesn't everybody?" Aso and Misato asked simultaneously. Vince fumed. Suddenly, Maivia caught sight of something... or more specifically, someone, on the other side of the transmission. His mouth dropped open and he swallowed. Aso smirked. Suddenly, Misato caught sight of something... or more specifically, someone, on the other side of the transmission. She gave him the once-over with her eyes and then gave him a sexy smile while she pointed. Vince said, "No one and I mean NO ONE threatens me like that." The Rock looked to his left, then to his right and then pointed at himself. Aso replied, "I'm not just anybody, you black-hearted cripple." Misato nodded and then increased the sexiness factor by ten. "At least I'M not liberal with the Christmas cookies, Captain Pillsbury," Vince spat. Rocky gulped again as a goofy grin spread across his face. "At least I don't look like I'm going to pass out from anemia any second!" Misato wagged her right forefinger in a come hither gesture. "FAT BOY!" Rocky pointed at himself, then at Misato, then at the Deus Ex Machina, then raised the People's Eyebrow. "FAT HEAD!" Misato nodded. "BIG BUTT!" Rocky punched in a sequence of coordinates on the control panel of the Deus Ex Machina and vanished in a small nimbus of light. "BIG MOUTH!" Misato punched in a sequence of coordinates on the control panel of the Deus Ex Machina and vanished in a small nimbus of light. "You don't know who you're dealing with," Vince snarled. "Neither do you," Aso replied coldly as he turned around, "Katsuragi! Katsuragi?" Vince laughed maniacally as he said, "Some people can't get reliable help these days. Rocky! Rocky?" As he cut the transmission, Aso roared, "SOMEONE LAUNCH MECHAGODZILLA!" "Pippkin!" Vince called out, "Get our Secret Weapon ready! We've got a fight on our hands!" From somewhere deeper in Titan 13, the Zoot called out, "Posthaste, Vincent." As an after thought, Vince added, "And send the Satellite Coming of Munihousen Three while you're at it. SoN Suddenly, the alarms and sirens went off. "What the..." Bisch exclaimed. "I think we know what's coming guys," Gigan said, "Let's get it over with." Space Godzilla said, "We've got MUNIHOUSEN SIIIIIIIGN!" %%%%%%% [Everyone enters the theater and takes the same seats they had before.] > THE COMING OF MUNIHAUSEN --- PART THREE Nash: Citizens on Patrol! Bret: The Return of the Jedi! Space Godzilla: The Final Chapter! All: Thank *GOD*! Dinobot: Or in my case, Primus. > (A Sailor Moon/Urotsukidouji crossover) Bisch: Because, you know, we *needed* that. Ghidora: Almost as much as we would ever need a Sailor Moon/Demon Beast Invasion crossover! Nash: Hey... that could be kind of fun. MOTHER! Gigan : I am NOT your mama! MOON SPIRAL HEART ATTACK! > By the Great Red Serpent Mark: Who is *second* on the list of those who shall feel my wrath. Nash: Second? Behind who? Mark: Vince, for sticking me up here and making me read this... for keeping me from scoring with Shion Nys... but most of all, for turning me heel just so I could job to Austin at Summerslam, and then turning me face again overnight and THEN turning me heel again just so he could make the Big Boss Man's return more memorable. GIVE ME A CHARACTER AND LET ME STICK WITH IT, DAMMIT!! Bret: Trust me, I feel your pain. > Gigan: Any relation to Michael Cole? Bisch: If so, then Mikey had better hope that he *never* works for me. > > It was now 1996, and a young man in Dayton, Ohio, in > the U.S.A., was sleeping peacefully. All: .... Nash: What does have to do with anything? Mark: Nothing... unless... [A horrible realization strikes them] Space Godzilla: The HELL?! The Serpent is inserting his FRIENDS now?! Ghidora: The Serpent HAS friends? Dinobot: Sure, like WARendfled does as well...I WILL KILL YOU!!!! YOU WORTHLESS HACK OF A TRANSFORMERS WRITER! > In his dream, he was Dinobot: ...on fire. Gigan : But in your dreams you can buy expensive cars... or live on Mars... and have it yoooour way. > in a strange place which his instinct told him had some- > thing to do with time. He started walking through the tun- > nel, and then ran due to his excitement. Bret : Oh, wow! I'm totally screwing over every piece of established Sailor Moon continuity having to do with how the Time Tunnel works! It's so *cool*! > He wandered around, > staring at the walls and taking in the whole scene in awe and > and wonder. Space Godzilla : Of all the times to forget my camera! Darn the luck! Darn it! DARN it! > He ran, unaware that he was running to the place > where past, present, and future meet, Dinobot: He was in the Quantum surge? Bisch: The Vanishing Point? Ghidora: A 'Back to the Future' sequel? > but when he got > there he couldn't believe the sight lying on the floor > in front of him. Nash: Rip Hunter and the Time Masters had gotten *kinky*! Gigan : Someone had collected all of the Spider-Man Clone Saga. Mark: Sweet Mother of God! Why?! Dinobot: Only Primus knows. > What he saw was the badly mutilated body of a beautiful > young woman, mutilated by a set of slashmarks on her face, Bret: ... and the Serpent's gross mis-characterization of her. Bisch: And for those of you at home who missed it, we'd like to establish the fact that she's *mutilated*. > all the skin and muscle tissue eaten away from all four > limbs, Nash: Cool! I can finally use my Ebola joke! Mark: No, you can't. Nash: But... Mark : NO. > her pubic hair and the upper layer of the underlying > skin shaven from her groin, Bret : When bikini waxes go horribly wrong. > and a slit in her abdomen with > both her intestines pulled out, also appearing to have been > split open. [Everyone turns a fascinating shade of green.] Ghidora: That was a LITTLE more information then we needed, thank YOU. Dinobot: She looks worse than if she had a run-in with Nav. > Poor Nathaniel stood aghast at the sight before him, Dinobot: Nathaniel Richards? Bisch : What, *this* thing's still here? Dammit, they're were supposed to pick the trash up today, and I *got* it out to the curb... > but at the same time he couldn't resist the urges that were > emanating from the core of his subconscious and touching him > on the fringes of conscious thought. Nash : Muffins... I really *like* muffins! Dinobot : Say, who's the sun burned guy? > Something was telling Dinobot: ...him that this was beyond horror.. and in the depths of the soul of a sick fanfic writer! > him to go down, to drop to his knees and go down on her. All: O_O Ghidora: ARRRRRRGH! [His middle head and neck explode off his body in a bloody fountain] [Space Godzilla sighs and gets the bio-pack, as the head and neck comes down and lands in Bret's lap again. A few seconds later (as Bret screams like a baby), Ghidora is back in action.] > He resisted for what seemed to be an eternity of torment as > his will battled his instinctual drive, Mark: You mean as the forces of all things pure and logical battled what has to be the absolute worst 'resurrection' plot contrivance... [pauses to think] ...ever, really. Gigan [shaking his head]: I can't believe I'm saying this... but this is more stupid then the conclusion to Rei-Lan: Orchid Emblem. Dinobot: Or a WARendfeld fic. > but eventually his > will lost and he did as commanded. Bisch: What part of the brain is it that's the 'sleep with dead mutilated bodies' part, and why haven't I heard more about it? Nash [shaking]: Don't.... guys... please.... DON'T! Gigan: I know we promised and all... BUT THIS IS TOO CRUEL! Bret: Look, somebody's got to do it... we're with you in spirit. [Covers his eyes and the others follow suit.] Gigan [Shuddering]: I don't... I don't think we can do it. Nash [Taking a deep breath]: We can. We gotta. Power to the Pack and all that, right? Gigan [Rocking back-and-forth ala Mankind]: Can't sleep... Clown'll eat me... Can't sleep... Clown'll eat me... Nash: I'll take that as a "right". [They lapse into silence.] Bisch [Still covering his eyes]: Is it over? [No reply.] Ghidora [Wings still over his heads]: Gigan... our friend, are you well? [Still no reply. Mark, making sure his eyes don't view the screen, checks their pulses.] Mark: ... Bisch: What? Mark: They're DEAD! Bisch: What?! Are you sure? Mark [growling]: Look, I think I know what I'm talking about. Bret: Oh man... they... oh man... they did that for us? Oooooh maaaan. [Suddenly, Nash and Gigan take deep breaths.] Gigan: What happened? I must have blacked out... Nash : I was in a place of white light... and a whole host of angels were singing to me and all of my loved ones were calling my name... Mark: *You* went THERE?! Nash : Yep. By the way, we're clear. > She pulled his head down to hers, and kissed him long > and passionately. All: BOOOOO! Space Godzilla : So Setsuna is healed by the life-and-death controlling powers of Necrophilia. [The sound of shattering glass is heard.] Bret: What the... is Austin here now? Space Godzilla: Nah. That was the Goofy Meter. Dinobot: It shattered. > She then freed her hands, pushed him off > her body, and beat the shit out of him. All: HORAAAAAAAAY! Dinobot: Kick his ass! > > ------------------------------------------------------------ Dinobot: use this club to shatter TGRS's skull. > It was now 2020, before that night on which the girls Nash & Gigan : Let's hear it for the girrrrlllls! Let's hear it for my womaaaan! Ghidora: Is that not supposed to be, "Let's hear it for the boys"? Mark: Look who you're talking to. Ghidora: You have a point. > had their orgy. Mamoru was still unconscious, and Makoto Gigan: ...Decided to give him some *special* nursing. Space Godzilla: Gigan... Dinobot: Gigan, do you want me to show you how I ate my clone? Gigan: Just TRY it. [The two snarl at each other.] Ghidora: Children, play nice. > decided to go for a walk around the underground city. It > was amazing to her, that a system of caves could be carved > into an entire system of roads, sewage drains, and an en- > tire city. Space Godzilla: And they call it... THE SUBWAY! > She made it to the cave, the opening at which Mamoru Ghidora: ...met Zeke and Bill. Nash & Gigan [jumping slightly]: GAH! DON'T *DO* THAT! Mark: Zeke and Bill. Nash & Gigan: ARRRRRGH!!! [Mark and Ghidora laugh evilly.] Dinobot: Are you two Unicron worshipers? Ghidora: Well, we *are* evil. Mark: Same difference. > was beaten unconscious, and she could see that the blood had > not yet been cleaned up from where he had been ganged up on, > along with blood-staned bits of broken bottles, bricks, > metal pipes, etc, littered throughout a 20-foot radius of > that same general area. Bisch: The hell?! So she expected them to have a maid service after the apocalypse? > 'What a mess!' she thought to her- > self, 'How the hell can anybody just look at that without > it bothering them?' And, homemaker that she is, she pro- > ceeded over there to clean up the mess. Space Godzilla : Up ahead... you are now entering, the Kasumi Zone. > Her time over there was short-lived, and only minutes > later Gigan: Poor Makoto, she looks great but she doesn't have any stamina. Sad really. Space Godzilla: Gigan... > she was startled by the ring of gunshots and the > clashing of swords from just outside the cave. She ran up > to the opening of the cave and saw what looked like an army > of hideous, grotesque creatures Bret: ... but was in fact an army of short British women named 'Pamela'. > locked in fierce battle with > the guard outside the cave. The monsters' shouts of "Kill > them all and take the women as slaves!" Nash : Let's kill the men and eat 'em! Gigan : And vice-versa for the women! Mark [To Ghidora]: Should we show them the power of the Dark Side? Ghidora [To Mark]: No. It was a subtle Leisure Suit Larry reference, so we say we let it slide... this time. > quickly made up her > mind as to whether or not she should get involved. Bisch : Ah, screw 'em. I'm gonna clean up the blood and teeth from the beating! > "Jupiter Star Power...MAKE UP!!!!" Bret: I wonder if there's Jupiter Star Power Cologne and body fragrance to go with that. Nash: Jupiter Star Power: Strong enough for a man, but Ph balanced for a woman. Dinobot: And with a new longer-lasting scent. > After all the flashing lights of her transformation Dinobot:*makes the transformer's transforming noise* > were over, she headed straight into the fray. > As she got to the edge of the cave, she saw two in- > dividuals circling each other, throwing insults at each > other like old enemies closing in for a duel to the bitter > end. Space Godzilla: So Ukyou and Akane are having their final battle? Wrestlers & Kaiju: GO AKANE GO! GO AKANE GO! Dinobot: I live with Akane and I prefer Ukyou myself... [notices the others staring at him] ...What? > One of the opponents, a hideous, grotesque creature, > with one red eye, bluish hair, and a single horn on the side > of his face. "You've kept me from the women in this cave > long enough, Jahmal, and now I intend to pay you back for it!" All: JAHMAL?! Bret: What, did Jupiter wander into the ruins of Harlem? Space Godzilla: You wanna... Gigan: But of course. Will that be cash, check or credit card? > The other, a black man who Makoto thought was quite > handsome in form, but who was also just as big as the makemono > circling him, was who seemed to be the creature's target. Dinobot: Black Panther? Ghidora [still stunned]: A black man... in Japan? Mark: Yes. Ghidora: And one of the Senshi is attracted to him? Mark: Yes. Ghidora: By the Abyss! The Serpents' inserted another one of his friends! Mark [Shaking his head]: I still can't believe he even HAS friends. Bisch: I dunno, the Serpent's probably a pretty nice guy. Mark: What? Bisch: Well, I'm sure I'd rather sit down and talk with him than read his stories... Dinobot: I rather smash his skull and feast on his brains... if he has any. > "Yeah, right, Buju. We've been through this before and you're Dinobot: ...starting to act like Stone Cold. > really starting to bore me. So let's get this over with so > I can go back to washing my hair or something. But then I Ghidora : ... am a friend of the author, so you don't really stand a chance. > guess all you can do is talk since you can't take on a real > man, anyway." He started laughing. Gigan : Sorry, I just remembered a REALLY funny joke from "UHF". > "Why, you..." Buju lunged at Jahmal, fist forward, but > Jahmal just sidestepped, grabbed Buju's extended forearm and > pulled it forward, causing Buju to lose his balance and fall > flat on his face. All : Wah-wah-waaaaaah. > Jahmal was an honorable man, and so he gave Buju a > chance to return to his feet before continuing the struggle. All [Deadpan]: Of course. > Buju only half got up before rushing into Jahmal again, > this time knocking his entire weight into Jahmal's knees and > toppling him over. Nash: Buju with the spear, and... JACKHAMMER!! Kaiju [Chanting]: GOOOLD-BORE! GOOOLD-BORE! GOOOLD-BORE! Mark [smirks]: More like, "Piiiiiiiped-in, Piiiiiiiped-in..." Bisch: Oh, ha ha. > "The bigger you humans are..." he said to > himself and prepared to go for his sword. > "The harder you makemonos fall!" Bret: Man. It's been a really long time since I've seen a cliche that big. > Jahmal was still lying > on the ground, but he was able to manage a kick from that > position, connecting with Buju's right wrist (the one going > for the sword) and carrying enough force to snap his wrist > back so far that Makoto could hear it snap thirty feet away, Mark: Snap, crackle, pop! Mark & Ghidora & Dinobot: Wrist Krispies! Bret: So Jahmal just snapped a super-strong demon's arm like a twig. [sighs] This is gonna go down hard... > and it snapped his wrist so far back that his skin was ruptured > and was ejaculating blood. In pain, Buju let out a scream. Gigan: Ejaculating blood? Even the blood in the Serpents world is "ready to go" at all times. SHEEEESH! Space Godzilla: What the... a human is kicking the crap out of a major demon character? Ghidora: Remember... author insert. We should be wondering why it took so long for this to happen. > "Muthafucka!!!!" Buju brought his left fist down, aiming > for Jahmal's face, but Jahmal was able to roll out of the way > and Buju's fist just hit the rock-hard ground, Bisch: ... as opposed to the soft cushiony pillowy ground. > not even phased > by the apparent pain such an impact would cause bare flesh. Bret: I wonder if him being a demon from hell has anything to do with that... Nash: Nah. Probably just calluses. > Buju's maneuver had caused him to be in a bent-over po- > sition, and Jahmal, still on the ground, brought his foot up > again, this time kicking him full in the testicles. Again, [Since everyone is male (or of the male persuasion), they all wince.] Dinobot : My gender program... > Buju let out an indication of pain and this gave Jahmal time > to get up and finish the job. > He implanted his right fist square into Buju's left tem- > ple. "That was for my mother!" Gigan : This is for Duke! Dinobot : Who wants some? Space Godzilla: Wrong Duke. > Next, with his left hand, he ripped off the bone-looking > mask that covered Buju's face. Come to find out, it wasn't a > mask, Mark: Buju had welded it on to permanently cover his hideous deformities. Bisch: Which were? Mark: He looked like Rhea Perlman. Bisch: GAH! > and the monster could do nothing but scream in blood- > curdling agony as a large part of his face was (somewhat) > surgically removed from him. "And that was for my wife!" Gigan : This is for Bazooka Joe! > Finally, he brought his right foot into Buju's neck, > the force behind the kick severing Buju's spinal cord, break- > ing his spine, and all the skin on his neck except for a > small bit; Bret: Skin doesn't *break*, Serpent, it rips. Nash: Buju is a lovely porcelain collectible figurine available from the Franklin Mint for just four easy installments of $19.95. > his head was hanging on the rest of his body by > nothing more than a tiny "thread" of his skin. "And this... > this was just for the hell of it!!!!" Gigan : And this... IS FOR *MEEEEE*! Ghidora : Oh, how we love the classics. > Buju's lifeless corpse now lay on the ground before > Jahmal, who had avenged his mother and his wife after twenty > years, but didn't really have much time to savor his triumph; Mark: He had to make it to Hardee's before 11:30, or there would be no breakfast that day. Space Godzilla : NOOOOO!!!! And I MUST have those little pancake sticks! > upon seeing Buju dead, a band of fifteen makemonos broke off > from the battle going on all around and headed his way, guns > ready for slaughter. Nash: How do you get guns ready for slaughter? Bret: Counseling and educational videos. > But they never made it. Bisch: And, as such, were forced to job to the Renegade. > > "SPARKLING WIDE PRESSURE!!!!" Mark: Hmm. Mako must've had the lentils for lunch. Nash: Hey, good one! > > A large disk of lightning made its way to the advancing > column of makemonos, disintegrating five of them while they > were about ten feet away from the victorious Jahmal. Bret: With the makemonos out of the way, Jahmal's death was quick and incredibly painful. Bisch: What's on Nitro? Bret: HUH? That's not what we say! Bisch: Look, you think I'm going to plug the competition for a silly catch- phrase? What does that even mean, anyway? Bret: You think about this stuff too much. Bisch: Oh, look who's talking. > The re- > maining makemonos started laughing and kept on coming. > > "BURNING MANTRA!!!!" Bisch: Everyone, on three. One... two... THREE! All: THAT'S "BURNING MANDALA"! > > This time, seven were roasted in the flames, the smell > of burning flesh and hair, dirty flesh and hair, filling the Dinobot: ... hot sweating hole in the ground. > entire area outside the cave and insulting the nostrils of the Space Godzilla: ... Audience. Since this fic was being done in Smell-O-Vision. Dinobot: Don't you mean Crap-O-Vision? Space Godzilla: Same difference. > humans, while driving the makemonos on. Bret : ... in their new 1999 LINCOLN TOWN CAR! [Others cheer and make crowd noises] > > ------------------------------------------------------------ > > Inside the cave, Makoto had meant to go out and help > the guards fight off the makemono raiders, Mark: Of course, she kept getting the makemonos and the guards confused, so she really wasn't all that much help... > but as soon as Dinobot: ... wrestling was on she was glued to the TV. Bret: Well, yeah. She lives in Japan! She gets to see *good* stuff! > she first caught sight of Jahmal, her heart was struck with > such awe and wonder that she just couldn't move. Nash: Sadly, she had been caught in the S-I's characters Aura of Smooth. Bisch: 'Sadly'? Nash: Well, sad in that it isn't *me* she's swooning over. Dinobot: Nash, have you seen what Stone Cold did to McMahon? > It was as > if the sight of the tall, stately black knight had enthralled > her [Widespread giggling breaks out] Bret: It really makes you wonder why Cecil decided to be a Paladin... Mark: So Jahmal here is the Black Racer, I take it. > and it took all she could do to keep from masturbating on > the spot or throwing herself at him right then and there, Space Godzilla: Again everyone, on three. One... two... THREE! All [PAINFULLY sarcastic]: Riiiiiiiiiiiight. Dinobot: Sexual scent of Author Avatars... for that "I have no life but imaginary characters from TV want me" smell. > thus > giving his opponent the chance to wipe him (and her) off the > face of the earth. Bisch: And this is bad how? > She knew she had to go out there and help, but her mind Ghidora: ... was still recovering from the brain freezing effects of the giant Slurpie she had finished only a few minutes ago. > just forced her to freeze, unable to do any of the things she Dinobot: ...would do if IC. > wanted to do or had to do, and so she had no choice but to > admire her hero from afar. Bret: Dear God! In about ten lines, Serpent has managed to completely reduce Sailor Jupiter into nothing but a panting brainless sex object! Mark: Yeah, he's starting to slow down a little... Nash: Yeah, yeah, I know how that goes. Chicks get like that around me all the time. Hell, I've even caused a few car accidents like that! Space Godzilla: Once again, on three. One... Two... THREE! All [Except Nash] : Riiiiiiiight. Nash: HEY! Dinobot: Nash, Oscar has done that as well... as the guy getting run over! > A soldier ran past her and into the cave, yelling, Dinobot : Author Avatar! Get out while you can still think straight! > "Makemono! The makemono are attacking!!!!" Bisch: The British are coming! The British are coming! [The others hum the Wicked Witch of the West theme.] > This still didn't get her to move. Gigan: Oh dear, I do believe this version of Makoto has Asbergers. How tragic. > Seconds later, three entire platoons exited the cave > to help fight off the invaders, with the senshi in tow, Bret: Oh, so the senshi got a flat tire. > but > even the sight of her friends didn't do it for her, Nash [grinning]: Yeah, and the sight of her friends *always* does it for *me*... [Mark sighs, and absently levels a lightning bolt at Nash] > not > even Rei's slapping her in the face to get her to snap out > of it. It was only when Jahmal had defeated Buju, and when > she saw the makemono coming at him then, that her brain re- > linquished the stiffness it had placed on her body. Bisch: I thought Jahmal was supposed to put the stiffness on her body... Mark [growling]: You too, little man? Bisch: Look, it's a legitimate question. > Against one, the man she wanted between her legs had > no problem, Bret: Wouldn't it be great if that meant that she wanted to put him in the figure four? Mark: Yeah, or a Boston Crab. Space Godzilla: What about an Earthquake Splash or a Whoopie Cushion? > but against fifteen of those monsters. Nash: ...What? Sentence, would you mind completing yourself? > "NO!" All : No. No. No no. No no no no! > she yelled out loud. "I can't let them... SPARKLING WIDE > PRESSURE!!!!" Bisch: Lentils, nothing! Mako must've had the burritos! > Five were electrocuted and their tiny little brains > were coming out their noses, eyes popping out of their soc- > kets, and all that other fun stuff. Bret: Well hey, there's nothing more fun than a horrific details of a painful death by electrocution! Mark [growls]: I'd like to see how much fun the Serpent thought it was after he met *me*... Bisch: C'mon, no need to be insulting... Ghidora: But it is so easy... > But the rest still > kept coming at him. Nash: Well, they're horny tentacle demons. That's what they *do*. Gigan: I woulda thought that they'd keep coming at MAKOTO... [Space Godzilla Corona Beams him.] > "It's about time, girlfriend!" Rei looked at Makoto Dinobot : Crap, it's happening to you isn't it... say, where is Jason, I have to BURRRRN HIM for the Royalty!!HAHAHAHAHAHHH! > in relief that her friend had come out of her comatose state, > and saw where she was aiming. 'Damn! Talk about ugly!' she > thought as she looked at the man Mako chan seemed to be pro- > tecting with that shot. Mark: I always knew Rei-chan had good taste. Bisch: Hey, that's why she's *my* favorite senshi! [The Kaiju shake their heads in dismay.] Bret: And really, would you expect anything less from Chris Benoit's girlfriend? > 'Oh well, for her sake...' > "BURNING MANTRA!!!!" All: MANDALA! > Seven more were toasted. Gigan: TOASTIE! Nash: Then they were squished with some chocolate between two graham crackers, and everyone had s'mores! Others: YAY!! > The smell of burning, oily, > flesh and fur insulting the nostrils of all the humans in the > area while Mark: ... the pitiful lack of characterization and rank S-I insulted the minds of those in the theater. > driving on the makemonos who were fighting them. > But as for the remaining three that were approaching Jahmal, > they, all of a sudden, turned chickenshit an ran. Bisch : Crap! He's a friend of the author! We don't stand a chance! Bret : Run away! Run away! Ghidora : I FART in your general direction. Dinobot: Ghidora, Rhinox once defeated the Predacons doing that. Ghidora: [Sighs] Some people have no appreciation for Monty Python.. > "Demons!" > they shouted as they ran back toward where the bulk of their > kind were, "There's demons inside that cave!" Nash: Great, the makmonos are white supremacists now. Mark: Well, they *are* supposed to be evil. Bisch: Insert your own Bob Guiren joke here, folks! Space Godzilla : You IDIOT! WE'RE demons! > But their > cries fell upon deaf ears as the ring of human machine guns, > and the bullets from those guns, finished them off. Bret: I get it! The makemonos are like Venom and Carnage, vulnerable to sonic attacks! Dinobot: But Serena didn't wail. Gigan: I ain't touchin' that one.. it TOO easy. > By now, the other senshi had transformed and were about > to leave the cave and enter the fray. Makoto wasted no time > in leading the charge, and before she was even ten feet away > from the opening, about eight of the creatures had jumped her. Nash [grinning]: Can't say I blame 'em. > She kicked one of them in the groin, Wrestlers: SWEET GROIN MUSIC!! > distracting it long > enough for her to knock out the two that had guns, but the > other five were able to grab her and pull her to the ground > before she could accomplish that task. Mark: So, is anyone surprised by this? [The sound of crickets chirping can be heard in the theater] > The one that got his Space Godzilla: ... satisfaction? [The others look at him.] Space Godzilla: What? Bret: Spacey... buddy... that one failed on SO many levels. Space Godzilla : I know. > nuts crushed a few minutes ago got up. "That ain't funny > what you did to my nuts just now, ya bitch!" Bisch: Well, now, that depends on your perspective. *I* found it hilarious. > He proceeded > to grab a machine gun from one of his cohorts. "Now try > some of this!" [Without any warning, everyone but Nash and Gigan cover their eyes.] Gigan: GAH! DARK STARR FLASHBACK! Nash: You know... I know we should be disgusted... but I don't feel all that much. Gigan: I know... even that yell was a reflex more than anything. I think we're becoming immune. [To the others] Clear. > Eight against one proved to be terrible odds, and the > makemono just grabbed her and subdued her again. "We was just > gonna fuck ya," one yelled as he slapped her, "but now that ya > had ta try that shit..." Then he just trailed off into an evil > laugh. Space Godzilla : So now we're gonna fuck ya and kill ya! BWAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA! Laugh with me, I'm EVIL! > She continued to struggle, but the last thing she could > remember was the butt of a rifle striking hard up against her > left temple before she blacked out. Bret: And now, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the fanfic gods for cut-away scenes. > > ------------------------------------------------------------ > > When Makoto woke up she found herself on a bed, Mark: Why, Makoto's on a bed? Whatever for, I must wonder. > with > a bandage over the left side of her head and her clothing > on the floor and to the side, and was still feeling quite > disorientated Mark: 'Disorientated'? Bisch: Yeah, that's what happens you go to college and they lie to you about all the rules and where everything's located. Space Godzilla: TELL me about it... [Others stare at him.] Space Godzilla: Look, I got lucky and got a minority scholarship to Duke, alright? Now let's just drop it. > when she heard the squeaking of an opening > door. Ghidora : SQUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAK!!! [Everyone else winces as they cover their ears.] Space Godzilla: Never do that again. > This quickly brought her to her senses, and she jumped > out of her bed. Realizing that she didn't have enough time > in which to dress herself, [An incredibly happy, goofy grin dawns on Nash's face.] Nash: You know, I think this my favorite experiment so far. It's been so *revealing*... Bret: It *would* be. [Gigan cackles under his breath.] > she went to hide right next to > the door, hoping to get the advantage of whoever, or what- > ever, was coming in to see her. Mark: Sure, I could see how surprise could cancel out the hazards of being stark nude when you're about to fight with an opponent of unknown size and species. Gigan: Why not? Works for Miko Mido all the time. Bisch: Yeah, but she can throw her pubic hairs as weaponry. Somehow, I doubt Mako is a sex ninja. Mark: Oh, God... *you* watched porn! Waves of nausea... rising... Bisch: Yeah! I watched and I enjoyed it! I thought impure thoughts! [Bisch grins widely as Mark hits the floor.] Mark [crawling back to his seat]: There will be... *vengeance*... Bisch [smirks]: Score one for the CEO. Dinobot: Black Arachnia wouldn't be in a mess like this... then again, Transformers don't wear clothing and have built in weapons.. > The door opened, and from the shadow cast by the light Space Godzilla : Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men... > coming in from the hall, she could see that it was only one > person or creature. As soon as the person had made it past > the door, she didn't even think of finding out who it was Ghidora: ... since her Friend/Foe system was temporarily off line. > and simply dropped down and kicked him in the back of the > knees, putting her full weight and force into it. Bisch : And it's Makoto with a leg sweep! > Her victim > fell on his face, and without hesitation got up over his back > and punched him straight in his spine, Bret: Cool! Makoto's actually kicking some ass! Put him in a STF, Mako! All [The Fans in War Zone]: MAKO! [Stomp stomp!] MAKO! [Stomp stomp!] MAKO! [Stomp stomp!] Mark: TAKE MY SOUL! > but even all of her > force seemed to come short of cracking his vertebrae and > severing his spinal cord. "Whoa, wait up a minute! I was > just coming in to make sure you're all right!" Nash: Gee, Mako has a real funny way of showing her concern. Mark: Uh-oh! Mako should've known better than to try fighting a friend of the author! Bret [groans]: Oh, of *course*... I should've known... > Makoto looked up from her target and noticed a bowl > of soup spilled and broken on the other side of the room, Bisch: But it was cream of mushroom, so it was no big loss. > and realized that something had flown out of his hands when > she had first downed him. She stepped away, stood up and > demanded of him, "Get up slowly so I can see who you are, > and you better not try anything funny!" Nash: Well, damn! And I heard this guy had a great Seinfeld impression. Space Godzilla: And that's funny... how? > He got up slowly and began turning around. Before > she could even get his profile, she recognized him, and > bowed extra-humbly-low in apology. "Jahmal! Oh I'm so > sorry!" Mark: *THRILL* as the proud Amazonian warrior of the senshi bows and scrapes before the author's friend. Bret : Oh, mighty Avatar! Forgive me for having dared to defile your most holy and sacred self-inserted flesh! Gigan : Ah, don't worry about it. You're gonna make it up to me in a few paragraphs anyway. Dinobot : After this I'm going to kill the author. > He had finished turning around, and was surprised. > "How... how did you know my name?" Bisch: I guess she read the script. > "You might think I'm wierd but... I saw you outside, > fighting that big monster. I just had to meet you but..." Ghidora : ... you have this... *smell*. > Jahmal just now realized that she was naked, Nash: He's a quick one, that Jamal. Gigan: Probably in more ways then one. ZING! Dinobot: Must I hit you like Goldust did to Val Venus? > and was > a bit embarrassed to be looking at her like that, and was > hoping she wouldn't notice the bulge in his pants. Mark: Jahmal, I doubt she could notice the 'bulge' in your pants if she had a microscope and a few hours to look. Ghidora: Good one. Dinobot: Must be related to Tuxedo Mask, somehow, then. > "It's > okay, don't be sorry. I'm gonna cut out right now so you > can get dressed. How about it if we talk later?" > But it was too late, and she did notice his bulge. Bret: Oh, of course the Avatar *selflessly* tries to avoid boffing the hot naked senshi... but darn it, she just wants him *soooo* bad... Space Godzilla: You know... I'm starting to miss Dark Starr. Dinobot: The Marvel Superhero? Space Godzilla: No, the misogynistic rapist, actually. Dinobot: Ah. [pause] What?! > "No, don't go... I need to ask you something." > "What's that?" Bisch : What kind of funeral arrangements do you want? Ghidora : Have you ever considered taking a shower? > She went over to him and very seductively probed his > ear with her tongue, while petting his dick with her right > hand. Nash : You're a good boy, aren't you! Yes you are! Now fetch the stick, boy! Fetch the stick! Gigan : Silly. That IS the stick. Mark [As he lighting bolts them]: Yeah, nothing turns a girl on quite like the taste of ear wax. Dinobot: What is ear wax exactly? > "Is it true.." she was almost to embarrassed to > continue. [Everyone brightens and looks at the screen hopefully] > Almost. [Everyone moans and slumps back in their seats] > "Is it true what they say about African-American men?" Space Godzilla : Absolutely NOT! I have no idea how that ugly rumor got started! It is a LIE! A complete 100% LIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE! Bret: I don't believe this! That's a line! That's an actual line of dialogue! Mark: I am *impressed*! Serpent has managed to find whole new levels of offensiveness that I didn't even think possible. Bisch: It's official. I am now ashamed of being white. Ghidora: Once again, our faith in the human race dwindles. Dinobot: Are you sure that TGRS is even human? > Jahmal was shocked. Nash: Can't say I blame him. > Back in the 1990's he remembered > how his friend Jason would tell him about the pow-wow circuit > and all about the groupies there, the non-Indian women who > would practically throw themselves down on the ground spread- > eagle before him, just to see what an Indian dick felt like. Space Godzilla : Once more everybody. One... two... THREE! All [PAINFULLY Sarcastic]: Riiiiiiiiiiight. > He remembered his black friends telling him similar stories > about the girls from the suburbs, wanting to know if black > was truly beautiful. Bret: And as we all know, the true measure of a race's beauty is the proportion of their male's sexual organs! Bisch: So by this logic, shouldn't we have black chicks lining up to boff us and find out what it's like to be with someone who's tragically un-hip? Mark: You see, Eric, that's why all of this is very stupid. Dinobot: And that is why the lame fanfic writers should not reproduce... no, wait, no need to... > But it had never happened to him; Nash: Maybe the 'not bathing' had something to do with it. > not > in America, and in the almost twenty years he had been > stranded in Japan, not even the hama-ko (litterally, "Ham- > mer child," Wrestlers : HAMMERMAN! HAMMER! HAMMERMAN! HAMMER! Nash : When I bust my rhymes, those crooks are gonna do time... > slang for Japanese girls who try to act black, > and do it worse than the American kids who try to do the > same thing) Gigan: Oh, you mean the Wiggers? [Ghidora blasts him with Gravity Bolts.] Gigan : What was THAT for?! Ghidora: We may be pure evil, but we HATE racisim. Bret: What, so black people aren't Americans now? Bisch: I never would've taken Serpent for a disciple of Malcolm X. > did that to him. She was the first to try it, > and it took him by surprise, but then a little voice inside > his head said to him, "Relax. This bitch is hot, and she > wants your dick bad. Go for it!" Thus it was so. Ghidora : Such is fate... Mark : Make it so. Bisch: Let the casual sex begin! Bret: Moral? Statutory rape is okay if the bitch is hot and she wants your dick bad. Ghidora: Actually, the age of consent in Japan is somewhat lower then in America or Canada and thusly... Space Godzilla: DON'T get THAT started again. Gigan: You guys go ahead and close your eyes. [Smirks] Nash and I won't mind taking THIS one... even if it IS an insertion of one of the Serpent's friends. Nash : WA-HOOOOO! MAKO-CHAN! Mark: I don't even want to know how you did that... Bret [Shaking his head]: They're gonna be hell to deal with after this. [Everyone save the perverts cover their eyes.] Nash : Tastes like chicken. Gigan: YOWIE! I never knew Mako-chan was so limber! Nash: NO CUCUMBER! NO METAL POLE! NO NECROPHILIA! YIPPIEE!!! Serpent... if this wasn't a pathetic attempt at inserting someone from real life, I'd forgive you for everything! [The two clasp hands and claws and go all teary eyed.] Gigan: My life force is refreshed. Nash: We're going to live. Both: It's clear. Dinobot: You two are starting to worry me. > "Was it as good for you as it was for me?" she asked... Bisch : Was that line as corny to you as it was to me? Space Godzilla : Not really, but then, I don't like home cooking. Gigan : Oh YAH! They were *cooking* something alright. Nash : And was it *fiiiiiiiiine*. [Space Godzilla lifts the both of them with his Gravity Tornado and slams them to the ground.] Mark: Nice. Space Godzilla: Thanks. I try. > > ------------------------------------------------------------ Dinobot: Sign here to have huge men kick the asses of people like TGRS when they write fics like these. > When a man is sleeping, knocked out, or otherwise un- > conscious, he dreams, and Mamoru was no exception. Bret: But of course, women don't, since they have no worthwhile thoughts and exist only to serve the pleasures of men! Mark: I sense that someone's a little bitter. Bret: Just a tad. > In his > dream he saw himself naked, with the naked forms of all four > senshi surrounding him, pleasuring him, sucking on all his > body parts and driving him wild with desire. Bisch: Aren't there five Senshi at this point? Mark: Oh, come on! Why the hell would *Mamoru* have an erotic dream about *Usagi*? Dinobot: A question: why is Chibi-Usa in this? [Everyone shivers.] > But, no matter > how much he begged or pleaded, none of them would give him > the pleasure of letting him lick their cunts of assholes. Gigan: So he wants to lick Seiya?! EWWWWW! Others [Except Nash]: HUH? Nash: Re-read the last three words. > Minako and Makoto shared his dick, taking turns between > devouring his shaft or his balls, Mark: Well, now there's a way to get more protein in your diet. > while Ami massaged his chest > with her tits. Gigan: That's one way to relieve muscle tension... Space Godzilla [Glaring at Gigan]: Gravity Tornado. Pain. Silence. Gigan: Yipe. > Rei, on the other hand, had tied his hands to > stakes implanted in the rocky ground he was lying Bret [laughing]: Yeah, I can really see Mamo as being the 'bondage fantasy' type. > on, and > was now stradding his face, keeping her ripe, firm ass a few > inches out of reach from his lips. Bisch: I wonder if Rei's ass is a Macintosh or a Golden Delicious. > She would shake it around > in front of him, Wrestlers & Dinobot: Wiggle-wiggle-wiggle! Kaiju : Shake shake shake! Shake shake shake! Shake your booty! > stirring it round and round, Nash: Stir ass thoroughly, or clumping will occur. Mark: That's... vaguely disgusting. Space Godzilla: Whadda ya mean, "VAGUELY"?! > teasing him, > but by no means was she going to let him have it. Bret : You want it all, but you can't have it! Ghidora : I know you want meeeeee... > Of all the senshi, and of all their incredibly delec- > tible cunts, tits, and asses, Bisch: Because, really, what are women other than a collection of body parts to be groped? Ghidora: Once again, the Serpent shows how much of a Neanderthal Troglodite he is when it comes to females. Dinobot: Don't you mean no sex-lifed fanboy? Ghidora: Same thing. > Rei was probably the only one > he liked anywhere near as much as he liked Usagi, and he Gigan : Wow! Mamoru really DOES like Usagi... what a surprise. > knew that she liked him even more; she was just playing hard- > to-get. He didn't like women that did this to him anymore > than he liked women who were overly pushy, Nash: Mamoru liked his women nice and submissive. Dinobot: Like him. > but this time he > didn't have much of a choice. Mark: The only form of Coca-cola left was Uncaffeinated Diet. Bret: That's a frightening thought... > He found solace in Ami, however, as she laid her snatch > right in his face, Bisch : Can't... breathe... Nash: Yeah, but whatta way to go! > and she was already wet, enabling him to > get his parched throat a nice, hot, juicy drink. [The humans look rather scandalized] Mark: Look, I enjoy oral sex as much as the next guy, but that stuff is *not* lemonade! Bret: Geez, the way the Serpent is talking, you'd think they'd be selling it out of the fountain at Burger King... Nash: Or maybe Dole could sell it in bottles... y'know, from concentrate. Bisch [turning green]: *GUYS*... [The Kaiju, even Gigan, look confused] > So he exten- > ded his tongue to get a few licks, and enjoyed the taste. Mark: Yes, the glorious taste of what is essentially mucus, only coming out of the... Bret: MARK! No! Mark: Sorry, sorry... Kaiju: ??? Gigan [Turns to Nash]: Care to explain? Nash: [Dismissive waves as he watches the "action"]: Later... later... > He > started darting his tongue in and out of her pussy, sending > waves of pleasure up her spine and more love-honey down his > throat. Nash: Honey, *Flash*! Bisch: Y'know, if they did package it, I bet they'd put it in those little plastic bears that real honey comes in. Bret: Guys, can we get off this subject? Mark: Actually, Ami appears to be the one getting off... [Bret glares at Mark] Mark: Sorry, I guess all the hentai is getting to me. Nash & Gigan: Join ussss.... Join ussss.... Mark: Silence, mortals. Dinobot: Nash, Gigan, ask me to join you and I will eat you both. Nash: Ew! I am *not* into that! > The taste was not to be sweet for long, however, Bisch: ... as Ami had gone on a no-sugar diet, and saccharin just didn't taste the same. > as > Mamoru's licks soon caused Ami to lose control of organs other > than her pussy, namely her bladder and her urethra, and she [Everyone turns fascinating shades of green again.] Bret: Oh, man... I think Serpent just ruined oral sex for all time for me... Nash [suddenly grinning]: Well, if there were any *duties* you couldn't perform for Sam, I'd be happy to... [Bret promptly bolts out of his seat, glaring bloody murder at Nash] Nash: Ah... to shut up and never think about it again. Bret [sits down, and cracks his knuckles]: Let's see that you don't. Mark : Didn't I tell you to go to the bathroom first, young lady? Bisch : But then I didn't *have* to go! > He continued eating Ami, Nash: Sauteed, deep-fried, or *cajun* style? Mark: No, Gambit's not in this lemon... Gigan: Since Gambit, when he reached the "end", would probably lose control of his powers and make his "partner" resemble an extra in any tentacle Anime. > while Minako and Makoto stayed on his dick, Dinobot: How can they both do that at once? Gigan, Nash? Nash: We'd explain... Gigan: ... but we'd need a few flow charts and fifteen hours. > Minako deep-throating his shaft and Makoto > licking the line between his balls and his ass, Bisch: Whoa! Talk about your lines of demarcation! > eventually > taking his balls in her mouth and massaging them with her > tongue. Her tongue caressed his balls, moving across the > surface of his scrotum in a circular pattern, while sucking > on his sack at the same time, applying better suction than > even the most expensive of vacuum cleaners. Space Godzilla: Ewww... now THERE'S an image we don't need. Mamoru and a vacuum cleaner. > Minako, on the other hand, would've had a hard time > keeping his little button-dick from slipping out her mouth > in real life, Ghidora: And again, the Great Red Serpent takes another shot at an already fully humiliated Mamoru. Space Godizlla: Let's hope Doc Forrester doesn't decide to send this to the SOL 2... > but in his dream his dick was long enough for > him to stay in business. Bret: Well, that's an odd requirement for a permit. > So she kept it down her throat, > the friction of his glans against her esophagus sending ex- > treme impulses down his shaft and to his brain. Bisch: Impulses so extreme, they were downright INSANE!! > What wasn't > touching her esophagus, she laid siege to with her tongue, Gigan : I am Sir Tongue... and I'm going to LICK you good! > and it was so good that Mamoru came right there. Ghidora: Right where? Nash & Gigan : RIGHT HERE! > When he came, it was a little more than he bargained > for. Fuck that, it was a LOT more. Mark : It's a gusher!! > As soon as the first > drop of nut left his glans, Bret: Pecan? Cashew? Hazelnut? > his penis started transforming, Dinobot: Into a metal alien robot. > turning into something completely monstrous and alien, into > ten long tentacles with spikes surrounding their heads. The Ghidora: GACK! We... will not let... overly violent... display... destroy... us... Bisch: God, no! He's becoming a member of Gwar! Nash: Mamo should *not* have picked the Urotsukidoji brand condoms. > "Noooooooooo!!!!!!!" was all he could scream as he > looked on in shock, helpless to prevent himself from killing > his beloved Usako's best friends. Gigan: "His beloved Usako"? If that was true, why would he want to have sex with her friends in the first place? Mark: Because in the Serpent's world, all men are uncontrollable perverts who wish to have vast amounts of casual sex with everything that moves. Gigan [nods in understanding]: Ooooooh. What's wrong with that? Dinobot: Everything. > But then he saw the cause > of his misery. Space Godzilla: A Native American man sitting at a key board. > Before him appeared the black-robed form of Munihausen, > floating in the air and laughing. Dinobot : I'm here to point out that you're a moron. > "Hahahahahahaha.... So how do you like my little pre- > sent, Mamoru Chiba?" Ghidora : It's nice... but I already have a toaster. > "You call this a present? Is that supposed to be some > kind of a sick joke?!" Space Godzilla : No, this is! Three Nuns walk into a bar... > "Not at all, for now you are just in a dream of your > own devising. But I will tell you this, Mamoru. Behold, and > I will show you the fate of your lover!" Gigan : SHE will now be the star of Chibi-Usa's Seventh Birthday! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Others: NOOOO!! > Munihausen opened his robe, and the figure of Usagi ap- > peared, bound, gagged, and naked. Bret : For me? You shouldn't have! > "You have exactly two hours > to appear before me Bisch : ... at the Montgomery County Regional courthouse... > if you want to see your woman again, > Mamoru Chiba. When you awake, follow your instinct, Nash: ...his *Basic* Instinct? > and I > will tell it where to find me." Mark: Yeah, he'll give it one of Usagi's socks to sniff. Dinobot : And don't wear any pants. > ------------------------------------------------------------ > > Makoto continued eating Minako, All: AHHHH! Bret: What? Where the hell are we now? Nash: Hey, don't question my gift horse. > who would've let out > some audible acknowledgement that Makoto was doing her job > well, but she was just too well-mannered to talk with her > mouth full. Bisch: Wait a minute... we're back in the lesbian sex scene in part two! Mark: Can Vince make us sit through this stuff twice? Nash: Could Vince stop me? > But Makoto's tongue was now well inside Minako, > darting in and out at full throttle. [Bret begins imitating the beginning of Diesel's intro music] Nash [laughs]: Oh, man, those were the *days*... > Minako had urinated > recently, so there was a nasty taste to her genitalia, but > Makoto was somehow able to ignore that and kept on licking. Ghidora : Previously, on Munihausen. Space Godzilla: FINALLY! Now, maybe we can get closer to the end of this thing! Bisch: Hey, right! This was at the end of part two! > Their fun was interrupted when Mamoru, hours ahead of > schedule, regained consciousness, jumped up to a sitting > position, and cried out as a man who had just seen his lover > kidnapped, tortured, raped, and otherwise hurt, "Usakooo!" Gigan: Then he looked at the girls and asked them why they were all naked and lying in the positions that they were. > At that same instant, Rei looked up at Mamoru and was > able to feel the fear coming from him. > Minako looked up, slightly pissed off at having her > fun interrupted, "What the hell are you talking about? Is > Usagi in danger?" Mark : Are we gonna have to go out and save your stupid bitch girlfriend again? Bret: Yeah, I hate it when commitments to friends put a damper on my orgies. > "That son of a bitch has got her! We gotta do something > fast!" he yelled as if he was yelling to no one but at every- > one simultaneously. Nash: So he wasn't yelling at anyone but he *was* yelling at everyone... my head hurts... Space Godzilla: Translation: He was yelling aimlessly. > Ami ran in the room from her self-imposed guard duty, > "Mamoru? What happened?" Gigan: Then she asked why the others still hadn't put their clothes back on. Bisch : Just offhand, I'd say a goofy, implausible lemon scene. > Makoto answered her, "He just shot up all of a sudden Mark: What?! Mamoru's a heroin addict in this thing, too? > and started yelling for Usagi, saying that somebody's got her > and we gotta do something about it." > "Who's got her?" Ami asked. "Is it Munihausen?" Bret: The title villain of the series? Nah, couldn't be... > "Dunno. Could be, but he didn't say." > Ami turned to Mamoru. "Who's got Usagi?" > Mamoru answered, "He's got..." Nash: Class? Style? Back? Gigan : He's got LEEEEEGS! > He was cut off in mid-sentence by a pack of twelve > creatures coming through the walls. They were of many colors: > green, black, brown; and of multiple forms. Bisch: It's a Rainbow Coalition of Evil! How nice! Ghidora: When Live Action Sentai goes TRULY wrong. > Some had only two > arms and two legs while still others had many arms, legs, > wings, and (you guessed it) Ghidora: Eyes? Nash: Butts? Bisch: Noses? Mark: Fingers? Space Godzilla: Feet? Bret: Stomachs? Gigan: Heads? Dinobot: Nipples? > dicks. All: SHOOT! Gigan: I was close... > In the nick of time, Rei, > Ami, Minako, and Makoto reached for their power sticks to > transform. > They were too late. Ghidora : We SAID that this was going to happen in the last chapter. We KNEW that the Serpent would write it this way! We REFUSE to watch this. [Covers his heads with his wings] Others [save Nash and Gigan]: HEAR HEAR! [They cover their eyes] Nash: Hey, after all we've had to go through with Zeke-and-Bill and SI- Necrophilia, I think we DESERVE some good tentacle stuff. Gigan: Amen, me amigo. Nash [Holds up his hand for a high five]: Power to the Pack! [Gigan returns the high five with his claw and they go back to watching the tentacles.] Gigan: Oh great, a gratuitous AD&D reference... Nash: And what poor Venus was screaming was... I HATE HOTDOGS! Gigan : GREATER TASTING! LESS FILLING! Nash : GREATER FILLING! LESS TASTING! Gigan : GREATER TASTING! LESS FILLING! Nash: MAN! How come so many authors think Ami is so... flexible? Gigan: Maybe she studied with Dhalsim... Both: X-PAAAAAAC!!! [The two break down in laughter.] Gigan [Wipes a single tear of joy away]: Ahhh... we needed that. Nash: Clear. > Now, finally, back to Makoto. When Mamoru had thrown > the rose at her lone attacker, it split into two and continued > its self-appointed mission, which was nothing other than to > get hold of and squeeze the life out of the biggest set of > tits in the room. Bisch: Ew! How would you even do that? Mark: You know what happens when you take a plastic bag full of liquid and squeeze *reaaaally* hard? Bret: That's enough, Mark. > "Well bitch, your friends seem to be en- > joying themselves. Now let's see how you like to get fucked!" Ghidora: Why do you not ask Jahmal? [Sarcastic] He would know SO well. Nash : Over easy, and with hash rounds on the side! > This talking bought Makoto some time... Bisch: That's odd, I usually use it to kill time. > > "SUPREME THUNDER!!!!" Mark: FIRE ARROW!! Bret: WATER DRAGON!! Nash: GREEN HURRICANE!! Bisch: SPIRAL LIGHTS!! Dinobot: ARROW SHOCKWAVE! Space Godzilla: DRAGON SLAVE!! Ghidora: RAH TILT!! Gigan: ENDLESS NIGHT!! [The wrestlers glare *VERY* darkly at Gigan.] Gigan [Confused]: What? > > The attack hit the monster head-on, but, just like on > her first encounter with any of Faust's demons, it served no > purpose to her benefit. Mark: Makoto seems to have a fairly shallow learning curve. Ghidora : Is your learning curve a flatline, or what? > Instead, the lightning bounced right > off the creature's head and struck her, twenty times more > powerful than it was when the attack had been launched, Bret: Ummm... how? Nash: Look, it just *did*. Deal with it, pink-boy! Space Godzilla: Maybe he's wearing armor made of artificial diamond. Dinobot: Or the author's full of crap. Space Godzilla: That too... > fry- > ing her extra-crispy on the spot right then and there. Bisch: I dunno. Extra-crispy's tasty, but there's all that extra fat... couldn't he have broiled her? > "Oh > well," the demon thought aloud, "she'll get over it." Space Godzilla : All this whining and crying and pitching a fit... All : GET OVER IT! > While all this was going on, the monster who had headed > toward Chibi-Usa's room returned, holding Chibi-Usa, screaming All: ARRRGH! NOOOOO! > and crying. The "moonbeam" shining from her forehead and > directly on Makoto's corpse, somehow reviving her Mark : Look, I'm just writing this! How the hell should I know how it works? > (remember > that later in SMR we find that she lost the ginzuishou of > the 30th century because it had merged with her without her > knowing it, therefore this is quite possible). Space Godzilla: True... but do you HAVE to explain it in the middle of the chapter?! It makes it LONGER! > As this event > got the attention of all the senshi, the monsters disappeared > as quickly as they had come. Bret: So, when their prey was distracted and helpless, they just... left. Nash: Well, Raw was on. > Right after they had disappeared, the senshi were in- > stantly restored to their condition before the encounter, and Gigan : Thank God for Deus Ex... > it was as if the entire ordeal had ever happened, except for > the hole in the wall leading to Chibi-Usa's room, and the > abscence of Chibi-Usa. Ghidora : At least Chibi-Usa was not tentacle raped. Mark: Yet. > Mamoru, still in his garb as Tuxedo Kamen, was the > first to take notice, yelling "MUNIHAUSEN!!!!" Bisch : HOOOOOOGAAAAANNN!! Ghidora : TETSUO!! Mark : KANADAAAAAAAAA!! Bret : I AM KAMUI!! Space Godzilla : FUUUUMAAAAA!! Dinobot : MEGATROOOOOON!! > Not waiting for the other senshi, he ran out and left. > Bret [groaning]: After all, what could he *possibly* need them for? Nash: So you're admitting... Bret: YES! TUXEDO MASK IS A WUSS! ANY ONE OF THE SENSHI COULD KICK HIS ASS! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!! Nash [grinning]: Yeah, actually. Dinobot : I think I'm going to get raped... again. > ------------------------------------------------------------ > > True to his word, Faust had endowed Mamoru with the > instinct to find him, and this first led Mamoru back to the > room in which he and Usagi had been staying, only to find > that it had been ransacked by what appeared to have been > many huge creatures. Mark: ... or many huge men in penguin costumes. Could have been either. > The creatures, or at least several > different groups of similar creatures, seemed to have been > through there many times, and now the room was totally empty > save for a note: "Go up, and she shall be there." Space Godzilla : If you build it... he will come. Gigan: That has more than one meaning in this case... > He ascended the stairs and made it to the lake, seeing > nothing around him, but Usagi tied to a tree, in a position > reminiscent of a crucifixion. Ghidora: As if there were not enough Judo-Christian references in Sailor Moon S... > "Usako?" he asked aloud. Then > his amazement at seeing her turned into rage over seeing her > condition. "What has he done to you!" And in his rage he > began to charge. Space Godzilla: His credit card company must LOVE him when he gets angry. Dinobot: A pity we couldn't have Bruce Banner play the role of Tuxedo Mask. > Usagi, looking up, saw him and started to worry, "No, > Mamo chan! It's a trap!" Bisch : You'll trip on your stilted dialogue and die! > It was too late. Before he got so much as within ten > feet of his beloved Usako, the robed figure of Munihausen > appeared between them, next to Usagi's naked, quasi-cruci- > fied figure. Bret: 'Quasi'? So she was just 'sort-of' crucified? What the hell is that? Like being 'sort-of' dead? Mark: Do you have a problem with that? > This multiplied Mamoru's rage a thousandfold, Dinobot: If it was Bruce Banner than this would do something. > but Faust raised his hand and caused him to stop in his > tracks before he could move any closer. "Come no closer," Ghidora : I have cooties. > he informed Mamoru, smiling because he was already well > aware of what condition Mamoru was now in. "For not only > have I Usagi Tsukino, I also have... this!" Thus he opened > up his robe and revealed Gigan: NO! He's *flashing*! [Everyone averts their eyes] Nash : Well, since you have one of *those*, I might consider *bargaining* with you... > the comatose, yet still apparently > unharmed, body of Chibi-Usa, floating in the air before him. [Everyone sighs in relief.] Gigan: Still not raped yet... Ghidora: Do not get your hopes up... > "What... what have you done to them?" Mamoru demanded, > almost blind with fury. Bisch: Not buying it, Serpent. How could Mamo get any stupider than the way you usually write him? > "Nothing," came the reply. "At least nothing, yet. For > the safety of your lover, and your daughter, rests in your > hands." > "Daughter? She's Usako's cousin!" Space Godzilla: Once again, this Mamoru shows how much of a dullard he is. Dinobot: I thought he knew... he IS a moron. > "As you wish. But if you wish to see them alive, and > free from captivity, then you will hand youself over to me." > "Don't do it, Mamo chan!" Usagi yelled. Bret : No, no, don't do it. I love you too much to see you die. > Faust reached up his hand and felt Usagi's tit, fondling > it so Mamoru could see. "She has lovely breasts, doesn't she?" [Gigan and Nash are about to say something in agreement, but the crackle of battle auras igniting stops them.] > He then started sucking them and started moving his hand down > to her cunt, rubbing it but not penetrating. "Especially > this part. Nash: Faust... buddy... that's NOT a breast. Gigan: You gotta admit though, he's right about that being the best part. Nash: True. Too true. [Ghidora blasts both of them with Gravity Bolts.] > She would make an excellent concubine to bear my > seed, and continue my father's work." Ghidora: Munihousen as the father of Chibi-Usa... that would explain much. Dinobot: She is a pink haired demon, hated by all. Space Godzilla: Don't let Doug hear you say that... > Faust turned to face Mamoru again, and could see a tear > coming out of his eye, Bret: WHAT?! He's groping your one true love against her will, Tux-boy! Even *you* should've killed him a million times by now!! And instead you just stand there and *cry*?! I regret ever defending you at all! Dinobot: Bret, would throwing a rose do anything? Bret: At least he wouldn't be just *standing* there weeping like a little wussy-boy! > for the decision to be faced was far > from an easy one. Either give himself up to Faust, whom he > thought wasn't all that unattractive, Space Godzilla: ARRRRGH! Not this angle again! [Bret growls in frustration] Mark: But, if Faust had looked like Fabio, you couldn't have kept Mamo *away* from him! > or give up Usako, with > whom he knew he had been destined for at least a thousand > years. Bisch: It was really only the destiny thing, it's not like he really loved her or anything. Dinobot: If only Sailor Charr was in this story. > But he knew that protecting Usako was the most im- > portant thing. "Okay, you win." Nash : Stupid *duty*... I'd rather let old meatball head just *go* so I can boff the Senshi some more! > "Hahahahaha. Good." With that he raised his hand and > a blade came out, severing his head from the rest of his body, > and a blinding flash ensued. Ghidora: Now we have a Highlander bit. Here comes the Quickening. Bret: THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! > When the flash subsided, his > head could be seen on a pike, Mark: I wonder where Faust got a fish that quickly. > implanted in the ground right > above his decapitated body. > Faust went over to the body and squatted over the corpse. All: EEEEEWWWWWWW! > He put the ginzuishou in his left hand, and forced that hand > down into Mamoru's now-exposed neck, submersing the crystal in > the prince's blood. The crystal became quite well-engorged > with the life force of Prince Endymion, Mamoru Chiba, Tuxedo > Kamen, and the defunct Moonlight Knight (the crystal vomited > out that one), Bisch: I just love it when Serpent stops the fanfic for fourth-wall- shredding social commentary, don't you? Nash: So Mamoru has a life-force for every different name he used... cool! That means I've got about ten of 'em! Dinobot: And Mick Foley should be immortal... Gigan: Well, that goes without saying... > and with the future life-force of King Endy- > mion. Usagi was forced to witness all this, and started > whining at the top of her lungs, Bret: Oh, and now she's gonna *bitch* and *moan* about the person she loves more than life itself dying! Just *deal* with it! You're not the only one with problems, y'know! > causing even Faust to trem- > ble. "NOOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!" Dinobot: So Faust is like Venom... Space Godzilla : Melissa Joan Heart could NEVER be a good me! > "For it to stop, you only need do one thing. To keep > me from doing the same thing to the little rabbit, you must > relinquish all rights to the ginzuishou and declare me its > rightful heir." Mark : That way, I can kill Chibi-Usa more creatively! > "No! I'll never hand the crystal over to nega-trash All: NEGA-TRASH?! Gigan: When did this become a dub? > like you!" > "Usagi Tsukino, even as yet you do not understand. If > you do not pronounce me rightful owner of the ginzuishou, I > shall do likewise to this child what I did to Mamoru Chiba." > Now, by telekinesis, he willed the form of Chibi-Usa to float Bisch: I guess that works better than making her float with telepathy. Gigan: Errr... shouldn't Chibi-Usa have faded out here... since she doesn't EXIST anymore! Dinobot: At least let out a temporal storm like Optimus Prime did. > over to his hand, and placed one arm around her body and the > other on her head, in such a position as he could snap the > neck at any moment. "Do it! For I grow impatient with you. > My hand could slip at any time." Nash: I'm growin' impatient, too. Just whack her so the stupid fic's over. Bret: Then we can go watch Raw! > As was the case with Mamoru, Usagi was now also faced > with a difficult decision. All: *REALLY*?! > Either sacrifice Chibi-Usa's > life, and possibly her own, to keep the crystal from truly > becoming the possession of a madman, or give it to him so > that the child may live. Mark: Well, at least until said madman conquers the world with it. Space Godzilla: Personally, I say sacrifice the brat for the good of the world. > If it was just her, she would've Ghidora: ... tried to offer her body to Munihousen, since this IS a Serpent story. > sacrificed her life to that end without hesitation, but > this time it wasn't just her; it involved an innoccent as > well. Dinobot: Not according to a lot of people. > So, reluctantly, she made the only decision her > conscience would allow. Bisch: She caved in like a bad souffle. > "Alright. You win. But first you > have to let her go before I agree to do anything for you." > "No. Nash : I'm evil! I can do whatever I want! So *bite me*! > She is my insurance, in case you refuse." He Space Godzilla : Heh. This is better then Met Life. > started to twist her head, slowly, not to kill the child as > much as to make a point, and Usagi got that point loud and > clear, along with Chibi-Usa waking up and screaming when she > realized her own predicament. Bret: Insert your own lame joke about being in the fanfic here. > "Okay, okay. I, Usagi Tsukino, Princess Serenity of the > Moon Kingdom and Sailor Moon, relinquish all rights to the > ginzuishou, and I name Munihausen its rightful owner." Mark : I hereby hand the world over to the forces of evil on a silver platter. Happy? Ghidora : Now that I have utterly destroyed every aspect of your character? Yes. > The crystal pulsated a brilliant red in Faust's hand, > and he was caught off-guard of his would-be attackers. "What!?" Bisch: Umm... yeah. What the hell just happened? Dinobot: The ginzuishou is like the matrix... it doesn't work for evil! > Faust was taken by surprise as he was wrapped in a gol- > den chain. He turned around, only to see the other senshi had > followed Mamoru and had just finally gotten to where they > were. Gigan: Let the wholesale Senshi slaughter begin! > "Ah, we meet again. But know now that I have the gin- > zuishou by formal rite of succession, and all its power is > now mine. Behold!" All : HUZZAH! > He held up the crystal now the color of blood, and a > swath of red light emanated from it and cut straight through > the body of Sailor Mars. Nash: Yeow! Somebody put a *waaaay* too strong battery in their laser pointer! Ghidora : I... thought... the author... loved me... Gigan : Forget you, babe! Once I'm done with 'em, I kill 'em. After all, it's not like they'll ever have any joy in their lives ever again after one night of cucumbers with me, right? > He laughed maniacally as entrails > splattered all over the senshi and Mamoru's corpse, and even > on Chibi-Usa, who panicked upon seeing this. Space Godzilla: Anti-moonies must love this part. Dinobot: I think they're sick to their stomachs... > "SUPREME THUNDER!!!!" > This was aimed at the ginzuishou to knock it out of his > hand, but instead bounced off a black force-field that seemed > to be surrounding him. Mark: Oh, *look*!! A Senshi attack spontaneously *failed*! We haven't seen *that* before! > "Foolish child. You think you have > the power to stop me?" Bret: If Munihousen unleashes an Ultima, I'm gonna find the Serpent and give him a Sharpshooter he will NEVER forget! Space Godzilla: AFTER I Corona Beam him all the way to Nebula M Space Hunter! Dinobot: And I rip his head off. > > "CRESCENT BEAM!!!!" > > No effect. > > "SHINING AQUA ILLUSION!!!!" > > Still, no effect. Space Godzilla: God... Munihousen's a worse no-seller then a *certain* promotion's current World Champion. Bisch: Look, I just go with what works. > > From behind a rock, a lone figure had gotten there, and > was watching the tide of the battle, dismayed by its apparent > outcome. Nash
: My, that young lady just got sliced in half like warm cheese! How very dismaying! > She knew she could stop it, that she had the only > possible way that this lunatic could be stopped. But it was > forbidden for her to use it. Mark: She had to endure the seven-day waiting period. Bret [suddenly dismayed]: Oh, *no*... Serpent's not gonna use *that* to contrive himself out of this... Space Godzilla [equally appalled]: You gotta be... Dinobot: He's going to have Sable beat the crap out of Faust? > Thus the battle continued on, with Mercury getting > gutted, then Jupiter. Bisch [blinking]: Just like that? Did I fall asleep? Nash: Nah, the Serpent's just getting tired of writing. > Finally, Venus was all that was left, > and she was about to die, too. Mark : And how, you ask? How the hell should I know that? > So just as the ginzuishou, or, > as it would now be better called, the akazuishou, Bisch [raising hand]: Mr. Red Serpent, why would it be better to call it the akazuishou? Ghidora: Let us see... Ginzuishou means Silver Crystal. So, Akazuishou must mean Red Crystal, Blood Crystal or Devil Crystal if the "aka" is taken from Akuma, which means Devil. Now the first is rather obvious as to why it would be called that, but actually, taking it from the second would make more sense, as it was changed to it's present form by the life force in Mamoru's blood but the third would make sense as well, since Faust is supposed to be the representation of the Devil in the Urotskidoji storyline and... Gigan [To Bisch]: You HAD to get him started. Once he's like this, he could make the longest nWo speech look like a thirty second promo. Dinobot: *rubs his temples * This is giving me a headache. Bisch: Er... just curious... > was about > to emit the final, deadly ray of light, the figure inter- > vened. > > Dark Dome Close... Bret: I can't believe it... after all this, Serpent actually... AARRRRGGGGHHHHH!! Space Godzilla : And Pluto saves the day with a plot device... hooray. [A giant bolt of lighting zaps Space Godzilla.] Space Godzilla: Ow... forgot... Pluto's his... number 2... > > Everything stopped. Well, except for Minako and Usagi, > everything stopped, Mark: Well, then everything hasn't stopped, now, has it? > and Minako was able to untie Usagi, and > Usagi was able to retrieve the akazuishou since it had fallen > to the ground when time stopped (but not before a piece of it > had chipped by hitting one of Faust's teeth, and going down > his esophagus). Nash: And we have sequel set-up! Others: BOO!! > When she picked it up, it automatically turned white > again, Bisch: What, so the whole "I renounce the ginzuishou" thing is over just like *that*?! Serpent *did* get tired of writing!! Bret : So, you finally come crawlin' back... > and Mamoru and all the other senshi were resurrected. Mark: Santa magically came down from heaven and made them better! Nash: All right! It's almost over! Bret: But... but... not even Sailor Moon can just randomly resurrect people! There'd at least be some *strain*!! Space Godzilla: But... it's almost over! Let's not think about it. > Time resumed. Bisch: Stuff happened. People died. Mark: But then they got better!! > > ------------------------------------------------------------ > > Back in 1993, in Azabu-Juuban, Tokyo, a cat was yelling > at a young girl. "Usagi! Get out of bed! You'll be late for > school!" Nash: Gah! And now we're back in the crappy show! Bret & Space Godzilla: Hey! > Come to find out, Usagi was having nothing more than > a very strange dream. Gigan: Cliche Time Travel Story Ending #23. > But when she woke up, she corrected > her cat, telling her there was no school since it was a > Saturday, and she went over to Rei's temple, where Jason the > exchange student was staying. Dinobot: And punched his lights out. > All the other senshi were > there, along with a greenish-black-haired woman she had never > seen before, Bisch: If everyone gets together at the end and laughs good-naturedly, I think *I* just might go ballistic. Mark: Watch us tremble in terror. Bret: Continuity... being shredded... fabric of reality... coming apart... head... hurts... > and Jason's friend Jahmal was visiting since his > mother had just been stationed in Japan. The green-haired > woman had brought her boy-toy, Nash : I'm not your boy-toy! All [except Bret]: Boooy-Toooy! > an American whom nobody else > knew (Jahmal and I hadn't yet met Nate back in 1993), All: ARRRRGGGHHHH!! Bisch: After all this crap, and all he'd doing with the ending is MORE SELF- INSERTION!! > and all > the males fucked all the females' brains out and lived happily > ever after. [Everyone coughs in a way that sounds suspiciously like "bulls***".] Bret [Burying his head in his hands]: An actual line... that's an *actual line*... Mark: I know, Bret. It hurts us, too. > > T H E E N D (for now) Dinobot: Thank Primus. > Well, I did it, got me and my friends laid by their > favorite senshi, and preserved the continuity of both series > to boot. Nash: Wait a minute! I had to sit through this thing because the Serpent felt like having a self-insertion sex party?!! Bisch: Pretty much. Nash: I... YOU OWE ME, SERPENT! YOU *OWE* ME!! > Not a bad little package. [The "bulls***" cough gets a little louder.] > Anyway, for all us > NON-Chibi-Usa lovers out there, watch out for "Sailor Moon > Super X," coming soon. Bret: Lock your doors, stock up on canned goods, and DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT allow yourself to read this fanfic! > This is where those of us disgusted > at the brat get to see the Super S storyline rewritten, and > in the very first episode, CHIBI-USA DIES A HORRIBLE, GORY, > GLORIOUS, MAGNIFICENT, AND SUPER-COOL DEATH!!!! :) Bisch: YEAH! Nothing happier than the wholesale slaughter of small children! Gigan: Well, in CHIBI-USA'S case... Dinobot: I'm going to kill TGRS! > Obviously not for any Chibi-Usa fans out there. Space Godzilla: All four of them. Ghidora: We do believe the Serpent is trying to bribe us. Mark : It's a rather good bribe. Should we forgive him? Ghidora/Mark: NAH! Nash: Man... you *are* dark! Mark: Look, I just hate all Chibi-yam-headed... things. > > Until next time... Gigan: Which hasn't been for a loooooooong time. Bisch: Hopefully, never. Space Godzilla: No chance of that. There's now Sailor Moon In America. > Great Red Serpent > Space Godzilla: IT'S OVER! WE DID IT! WE SURVIVED! YA-HOOOOOOOO!!!! [There is much rejoicing and singing of "Hallelujah", as the riffers charge merrily out of the theater!] %%%%%% Outside the theater, an impromtu Bust-A-Move tournament had been set up to celebrate the end of the story. Nash tapped Gigan, who was looking at something on the viewscreen, on the shoulder and said, "Come on. We're up first." "I don't know..." Gigan said, then called out to everyone else, "HEY YO! Somethin' funny's going down on earth. Magic Voice, give us rocket number 999." EARTH: OUTSIDE OF TITAN 13 A sky scraper sized swirling portal of blue light had formed. Arcs of energy crackled as a giant, whitish grey foot stepped out. From the portal, a high, synthetic screech erupted from a robotic throat. Completely emerging from the portal, was Mechagodzilla (1993 version). G-Force's ultimate weapon roared again as it caught sight of the large, bluish, vaguely Mysterion-like dome that surrounded Titan 13. Mechagodzilla walked slowly across the empty landscape surrounding the dome. G-FORCE HQ "Put him on," Aso said to a faceless aide. The viewscreen's image changed from the advancing Mechagodzilla, to the scowling face of Vince McMahon. "I assume that you're ready to surrender," Aso said, his voice full of triumph. "That's what YOU think," Vince replied, "Pipkin! Release the Secret Weapon!" The Zoot laughed evilly as he pulled a lever and said, "And awaaaaay we GO!" OUTSIDE TITAN 13 Mechagodzilla stop advancing as the ground began to shake. In front of the dome, a large hole opened and a giant... pinkish... blob... began to pull itself out. SoN "What the hell is THAT?!" Space Godzilla exclaimed. "I always wondered what happened to him," Nash said. "Those red and black trunks..." Mark said. "That flab..." Bret said. The cry of, "BANZAI!" came over the loudspeakers. "By the Matrix..." Dinobot whispered. "It's Yokozuna!" the wrestlers yelled in horror. TITAN 13 "As you can see," Vince said, "thanks to my alliance with Pippkin, we've been... fattening him up, preparing for just such a situation." The rabbit looking, living alien costume bowed humbly and said, "It was easy. He was already halfway there already." "So, do you think your little wind-up soldier can match up?" Vince taunted. G-FORCE HQ "Mechagodzilla is going to make mincemeat out of your overgrown lardball," Aso growled. He then turned to another of the faceless extras in the G-Force HQ and ordered, "Begin the attack!" OUTSIDE TITAN 13 Mechagodzilla roared at it's opponent, prompting another cry of, "BANZAI!" in response. The two, equally sized opponents... sized each other up, Mechagodzilla continuing to roar it's artifical cries as Yokozuna went through his ritual warm-up forms. Mechagodzilla's mouth opened and a rainbow colored beam of energy shot out, hitting Yokozuna in his prominant stomach. The beam bounced off and hit Mechagozilla in the chest. The reflected attack had no obvious effect. On Mechagodzilla's stomach, a portal opened and a satalite dish of some kind extended from it. The energy from the reversed attack gathered there and, after being magnified by Mechagodzilla's systems, was blasted back at Yokozuna in an attack called The Plasma Grenade. Once again, the beam bounced off Yokozuna and hit Mechagodzilla. Mechagodzilla re-dirrected and increased the Plasma Grenade. *BOUNCE!* *ZAP!* *BOUNCE! *ZAP!* *BOUNCE!* *ZAP!* *BOUNCE! *ZAP!* *BOUNCE!* *ZAP!* *BOUNCE! *ZAP!* SoN The crew turned their heads to the left, to follow the beam. Then they turned them to the right. Then to the left. Then to the right. Then to the left. Then to the right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. "I'm getting dizzy..." Gigan said. "Now I know why tennis isn't a spectators sport," Bisch groaned. G-FORCE HQ Aso smiled. Aso frowned. Aso smiled. Aso frowned. Aso smiled. Aso frowned. TITAN 13 Vince frowned. Vince smiled. Vince frowned. Vince smiled. Vince frowned. Vince smiled. Behind Vince, two nimbus's of light formed and solidified into Rocky Maivia and Misato Katsuragi. Nodding to each other, The Rock kept an eye on Vince as Misato went to the Deus Ex Machina and began typing away at the keyboard. SoN Suddenly, a portal opened in the center of the rec room. On the viewscreen, which had transferred to a view of Titan 13 behind Vince's back, Misato pointed at the Kaiju and then at the portal. Space Godzilla sighed and said, "Looks like our ride's here." Turning to Bret and Bisch, the Demon From the Darkness said, "We're gonna miss you crazy guys." "Same here, big guy," Bret replied as the three of them came together in a manly, back slapping hug. Ghidora and Mark seemed to be talking in... tounges for a few minutes and then laughed at some unknown joke. "Untill the next time that true darkness gathers..." Ghidora said as he bowed all three of his heads low. "Live," Mark replied in his Undertaker voice and his eyes rolled back into his head, "in peace." Space Godzilla shruged. "Sheesh," he said, "Evil guys. Gigan, come on! It's time for us to go!" Nash and Gigan had come together in a hug and the two were weeping loudly. "You're the only one who's ever understood me," Gigan bawled, "I don't wanna say goodbye." Nash reigned in his emotions as he said, "Me neither... but remember, we'll always have Munihousen. Here, I got something for you." "Wow..." the cyborg Kaiju exclaimed as he slipped his gift on, "A Red and Black nWo leather vest! And it's my size too!" "I knew with those arms and those chest blades, you wouldn't have any use for a shirt, so..." "Thanks man," Gigan said, his voice suddenly husky, "I'll miss you." "If you ever get free," Nash replied, "drop by the WCW and we can have Bisch get High Voltage to job to us." "It'd be my pleasure," Bisch said. "Power to the Pack!" the two perverts said at the same time as they traded one last high five/one. "Home sweet home!" Space Godzilla cried as he and the other Kaiju jumped through the portal. On the viewscreen, they watched as Misato tapped a few more buttons and then pointed at Dinobot. The Maximal nodded and then said, "It has been an... interesting vist, but I must now depart." "Bye," the wrestlers said in unison, looking somewhat disinterested. Dinobot "HMPH"ed and stalked through the portal. After that, a small slip of paper teleported in... And the portal closed. OUTSIDE TITAN 13 The energy tennis match continued. By this time, the blast had become almost as big as the combatants. Something had to give. The beam bounced off Yokozuna and hit Mechagodzilla. The war machine staggered as explosions sent bits of armor flying from off of all points on its body. The geneticaly gigantisized sumo smiled... Only until Mechagodzilla's Plasma Grenade sparkled and let out a blast that was twice the size of both combatants. Yoko whimpered patheticaly as the energy atomized him on the spot. Mechagodzilla collapsed into a hunk of twisted metal. TITAN 13 Vince frowned sourly as he regarded Aso's equally disappointed face and said, "It seems we have a tie." As one, the two of them said, "I HATE ties." "Well then," Vince heard someone behind him say, "you're going to love this!" Spinning his wheelchair around as quickly as he could, Vince regarded the stern gaze of Misato in slack-jawed horror. The G-Force Lt. smirked as she said, "We've taken back what's ours and we'd like to leave you with this little message..." Outside of Vince's vision, Rocky tapped furiously at the keyboard and hit the enter key to punctuate Misato's final statement. "Don't screw with G-Force!" With that, the lacky and the Lt. teleported out... just before Vince's Doomsday Machine exploded. SoN Bisch picked up the note. Since the connection to Titan 13 had been cut off, he figured now was as good as any time to find out what it said. "Well," Bret muttered, "That's just prime..." TITAN 13 "My machine..." Vince moaned as he looked at the smoking wreck that had once been the Duex Ex Machine, "... it's gone." "Cheer up, old sport," Pippkin said as he patted Vince on the back, "It's not that bad. It can be repaired... and we still have Bischoff and his co-horts on the satellite, right?" "I want some apple juice." A FANCY RESTAURANT... SOMEWHERE Misato and Rocky clinked their wine glasses together and sipped the clear, bubbly liquid inside. "Do you think they're going to be mad at us?" Misato asked. "The Ro..." Rocky correted himself, "I'd imagine so. Although, knowing them, they'll get over it. They couldn't do a thing without us after all." "True," Misato replied as she took another sip, "Too true." Then she noticed something in Rocky's hand. "What's that?" Rocky looked at it and replied, "It's the Button. It must have fallen in my pocket when we jumped out." "That's good," Misato replied as she leaned over the table and gave Rocky a more then modest view of the cleavage sticking out of her red, strapless dress, "because I want to ask you something." "What's that?" "Why do they call you 'The Rock'?" Rocky also leaned over the table until his face was mere inches from Misato's, smirked and raised the People's Eyebrow as he pushed the Button. | | | ---O--- | | | FWOOOSH!!! Flashman's notes: I can't believe it... I SURVIVED!!! Random rambling time! When I started Mystery Kaiju Theater, I had every intention of doing Coming of Munihousen somewhere along the line. However, after reading it, I KNEW I was going to need help. This was just too... SICK for one man or woman to take alone. I want to take this moment to publicly thank both Lynxara and Dinobot for going above and beyond the call of MSTer duty in helping me with this. [Especialy Lynx-chan, who came into this straight from the horror known as A Sorcerer A Demon and Emeralds.] So you two, if you're ever at a convention and a slightly overweight guy with short brown hair and wearing a Dude Love, Kane or DOA t-shirt comes out of nowhere and starts kissing your feet, you'll know it's me. I know I wasn't the most prolific MSTer in this... but man... those Black Out riffs take a lot out of a guy. @_@ I think I'm gonna take a little break from MSTing and concentrate on some of my more ignored fics, bugging the SVAM's fanartists until one of them draws a picture of Super Deformed Kevin Nash and Gigan in his nWo Red and Black vest, and seeing what I can do to help with the Author Avatar Association. One last thing, there have been a few requests to see CoM in it's full, unedited form. You can find Coming of Munihousen in the Hentai section of A Sailor Moon Romance, at: www.moonromance.simplenet.com Till next time, May The Spirit Preserve You! COOL! My very first lemon series, and a neat team up too! Working with the Flashman on this was a blast, and I can promise you that the Wrestlers and Kaiju will meet up again... someday. Maybe on the Kaiju's turf. We'll see. And major thanks goes out to Dino for giving me Owen Hart joke fodder, and to Flash for writing the *killer* skits that this one had. Anyway, I've got stuff of my own to get to, but keeping lurking around the Vault... you'll see me sooner or later. Ciao! Alicia Ashby, a.k.a Lynxara