Heya all. I've sort of been lurking around here for a while, trying to screw up the courage to post this thing, so be gentle. I'm really new at this and I have no idea what I'm doing. Flame is helping me along, but I'm making no promises about this! Title: The Really Real World Author: Brooke Email: evylbytch@hotmail.com Rating: Ummmm...how do I rate these things? I'd say R. Content: light slashy references by muses, lots of weird, nasty stuff within the fiction. You were warned. Disclaimer: These muses are mine, but the people they are based on are not. The original story belongs to WFCHIK, and I mean her no disrespect by writing this. *Actually, this thing is so horrible, I don't really care.* Distribution: Ask and ye shall receive Summary: Oy...where to begin.. Note: If you want to know about the freaks narrating this thing, visiting http://www.geocities.com/brookiesboyz They're nuts, I swear. Note: Here goes nothing. Be gentle, and any pointers would be appreciated! Note: Anything in parenthesis is my muses chattering! Thanks to Flame for beta-ing! The Real World: WWF Style By WFCHIK What do you get when you have 10 WWF superstars,1 house for 1 month?I dont have a clue either but stay tuned and find out. (*Roll call!* *Shane grumbles as he plops down* Here, but under protest. *Vince sits beside him, grumbling as well* That makes two of us. *Hunter joins the group, smiling pleasantly* Here. *Shane looks at him strangely* *Hunter blinks* What? *Shane shakes his head* Nothing. *Vince looks around* Who else has been corralled to do this? *Mark plops down, looking as growly as usual* *Shane rolls his eyes* Great. The ray of sunshine himself. *Mark flips him off*) Vince:We have chosen 10 WWF superstars to particapate in a REAL WORLD/ WWF cross over.The 10 superstars are:Jeff Hardy,Scotty 2 Hotty... (Vince: Okay, first off, I'd never pick Scotty 2 Hotty to do anything.) Jeff:Did ya hear that Scotty we're gonna be on TV and be famous! (*Hunter squeals like a girl*: Oooh, how exciting! You're not already on TV and famous or anything...) *Scotty and Jeff squealed and looked at the ceiling trying to see the near future* (Shane: Because we all know that ceilings are magic and let us see into the future.) Vince:Yes,as I was saying the other 8 will be THe Rock,Triple H... Rock:Youre gonna put the Rock in a house with Triple nose?........If the Rock wasnt fixing his makeup ,he would come over and kick your roody poo candy ass. (*Hunter blinks* *Shane looks at him* I don't see three noses. Hunter: And since when did the Rock start wearing make up?) Triple H:Did you call me a nose?You...you ass I'm going to...uuuuuuuhhhhhhhh (*Hunter rolls his eyes* How articulate.) Vince: Thats enough boys,and the rest are: My daughter Stephanie, Chyna,Lita, Ivory... Chyna:Your going to put me in a house with a slut and a stupid censoring hore? Lita:What the hell did you call me? (Shane: We don't know, Lita. What's a hore? Anybody?) Chyna:No, I meant Stephanie. Lita:Oh OK Vince:Be quiet! All of you!The last 2 are Edge and Chris Benoit. Edge:That totally reeks of awsomeness. (*All look at each other incredulously*) Day 1 *All the superstars went in the house* Jeff:Oh my god!Scotty!Look they have the hole collection of Star Wars! (Shane: And look! I've got a hole edition of Microsoft Word with Spellcheck!) *Jeff put in the tape and got popcorn* Lita:Oy vey! (*Vince blinks*: Since when does Lita speak Yiddish?) Jeff:whats wrong Lita?I think watching 8 solid hours of star wars will make you happy. *Litas face grew pale and she walked away* (*Shane's face grows pale* Is the whole thing going to have punctuation like this? *Vince scrolls ahead* Looks like it. Shane: Oy vai!) Chris:Prove me wrong,prove me wrong! (Mark: I always said something was wrong with that boy.) Edge:Dude no!This totally sucks.I'm stuck in a house with 9 of the dumbest wrestlers *Jeff and Scotty continued to watch the collection of Star Wars,as the Rock and Triple H made dinner* (*Shane snickers*: Hunter, will you make me dinner? *Hunter rolls his eyes*) Triple H:I say we make pie for dessert-uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh The Rock:Would you leave the Rock alone, he does not want you to help him.The Rock can cook.If you want pie go eat your wives and pie is the Rocks,you can make the sundaes (Shane: Hunter, I didn't know you were a bigamist. You have two wives? *Hunter sighs* This really is getting brutal. *Shane grins*: Can I have a sundae for dessert after you make me dinner?) Triple H:What ever-uuuuuuhhhhhhhh *Triple H stuck his hand in the Rocks face* (Shane: That'll show him! Stick your hand in his face!) *The Rock put the pie on top of the stove* Ivory:That wont cook,you need to put it in the oven Rock:The Rock will make pie how he wants to,it will go here. (Shane: I guess the Rock failed home ec.) *The Rock threw the pie at Ivory which pushed her out the window and she fell 5 stories* (*All blink* Shane: That must have been one damn big pie. Hunter: It's a five story house? Damn, Vince! Busting out the big bucks for this one! Vince: Whatever. I wouldn't pay a cent for this joke.) Rock:Oh no one likes her anyway Chyna:Shes dead!Oh yeah! (Mark: Quick! Someone get a pie and throw it at me! I want out of this thing! Vince: If we have to suffer, you have to suffer too.) Chris:Prove me wrong!Prove me wrong! *Everyone looked at Chris* Chirs:prove me wrong? Scotty:nnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! they blew up the ship! Jeff:Me sad! (Shane: Sad! That's the word I was looking for! This is just plain sad. Who knew fiction could get this bad. Hunter: Yeah, Shane, it's so not rad. Some of the worst we ever had. Shane: Shut up! Hunter: You sound just like your dad. *Vince lifts a brow*) Lita:Aaaawww poor Jeffy *Lita too was amazed by the movie so she sat down with them and turned into and little kid like Jeff and Scotty* (Shane: That reminds me of that thing on Mortal Kombat 3, you know? How you can turn your opponents into babies? Hunter: Shane, could you for just one minute prove to us that you don't have the mentality of a 13-year old? *Shane glares at him* Mortal Kombat is bad ass. Admit it. Hunter: Never.) Chris:Prove me wrong! Edge:Dude!shut the hell up! Stephanie:Oh my god!every single one of you are freaking idiots *The Rock threw a pie at Stephanie which made her fall out the window too* Triple H:Is she dead?Please say she is dead!uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh (Hunter: Hey! That pie actually came in handy!) Jeff,Scotty and Lita:SHUT UP!CANT YOU SEE THERE IS A MOVIE ON! Rock:You all can come kiss the Rocks ASS! *Ivory and Stephanie ran back up to the house* *Stephanie attacked Triple H.He layed there being brutaly beaten by Stephanie then pulled into the room by his ear* Triple H:Owie owie owie.youre hurting me stop!uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh *Triple H cried* (*Shane falls out of his chair laughing* Owie, owie, owie! Hunter: I swear, there should be a law against this kind of shit.) Rock:Dinner is served now get your asses over here *Everyone hurried over to the table for pie* Scotty:Mommy can I have a lolipop? Rock:I'm not your god damn mommy! Jeff:Mommy I dont like blueberries Rock:Im not your god damn mommy either and eat the god damn pie *Jeff and Scotty pouted* Lita:Mommy can I have some milk? Rock:I AM NOT YOUR MOMMY! (Mark: What kind of mommy gives her kids pie for dinner anyway?) *Rock went over and got milk* Rock:Here is your god damn milk! Lita:Thank you mommy *Rock stormed off while the shreeks of Triple H filled the house* (Hunter: She's probably crimping his hair in there. That's why he's "shreeking". Shane: At least it's him and not her that's "shreeking." I couldn't handle that.) Edge:That like totally sucks,right Chris? Chris:Yep,prove me wrong Edge:You spoke,Im proud of you dude! *Chris moved away from Edge* Edge:Im not gay!Im so freakin sexy how could I be gay? (*All raise brows* Shane: Does he not realize he's in one of the most homoerotic businesses there is short of streetwalking and boytoy shows? Hunter: It must have slipped his mind.) Chyna:Shut up! Stephanie:Harder Hunter Harder! Triple H:Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!uuuuuhhhhhh *Whipping noises silenced the house* (*All blink* Shane: What the... *Hunter puts up his hands*: Don't look at me!) Edge:I'm going to my room *Edge went to his room and flexed in the mirror* Edge:I'm am like so totally freakin sexy! Oh my god! Ivory:Rock you cant cook! Rock:What did you say? Ivory:You heard what I said (Hunter: He failed home ec., remember?) *Rock raised his hand but was stopped by Chyna* Chyna:What the hell are you doing? Rock:Rock thought you hated little short censoring bitch Chyna:Yeah,I hate her but she is my bitch, Rock get your own! Rock:Ooooohhhh...really my own bitch hhhmmmmm *Triple H and Stephanie came out of their room* Rock:Triple H you're the Rocks new bitch Triple H: really?yay bye Steph,uuuuuhhh Stephanie:Back off Rock he is my bitch Rock:How hard is it to get a bitch around here? (Vince: When did this turn into a game of "My bitch is better than your bitch"? Shane: I don't know, but you know all about that, don't you? *Vince turns red*: Whatever do you mean?) Jeff:I dont know mommy but you dont need a bitch,you have me and Litaand Scotty Rock:Dont you ever say that word again or else Jeff:Ok mommy Rock:Aaawww dammit you made the Rock sound like a god damn mommy Scotty:Mommy whats a bitch? Rock:Dont say that word again! Dammit the Rock told you not to do that. IM NOT YOUR MOMMY! Lita:Yes you are Rock:The Rock told you he is not your mommy! Lita:So your gonna abandon us? *Lita,Scotty and Jeff start to cry* Rock:Stop your blabberin. *They continue to cry* Rock:Go to your rooms *The three go to their rooms* (*Hunter whines*: Big Daddy Vince, will you send me to my room? Vince: Dammit, I told you not to call me that!) *Chris walks into Edges room* Chris:Prove me wrong! Edge:Dude!Im am like so sexy! Dont ya think? *Chris's eyes bulge out at Edges nakedness and runs out of the room with his arms in the air* (Mark: Sounds like he's having a religious experience with all that arm waving.) Edge:What?Im sexy and you cant deny it! Now you prove me wrong! Chris:Not til you get clothes on Edge:Whatever Rock:The Rock still needs a bitch! Lita:Mommy Ill be your bitch Rock:I thought mom...aawww dammit,go to your room! *Lita ran away crying* Rock:Those damn kids Chyna:C'mon Ivory *Chyna dragged Ivory by her hair and pushed her out the window* Chyna:Whoops,did I do that? *Chyna walked away laughing* (Shane: So, we've got homocidal freaks living in this house now? Where did this chick come up with this? Hunter: It's the curse of fourteen year olds trying to write fiction. It happens to them all.) Triple H:hhhheeeeeellllllllpppppp-uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Chyna:Why?You left me for her so that is what you get Triple H: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh *Stephanie again took Triple H into the room* *Every one laughs* (Hunter: I don't find one damn bit of this funny. Shane: Me either. That's the problem. It was listed as a comedy.) Jeff:Mommy?mommy?can we come out now? Rock:The Rock said go to your room now stay there Edge:Would everyone shut up!Im admiring myself! *Edge walks out of the room buck naked* *The Rock lets out a womanly shreek, everyone looks at him* Rock:Aw shut up,the Rock didnt need to see that Chyna:Neither did I Edge:Dude,But Im so god damn sexy ,look at this *the Rock lets out another womanly shreek* Chyna:I just dont see it,maybe cause hes so far away Rock:Far away,he is a god damn 2 feet in front of us! *The Rock and Chyna search for somewhat of penis* (Shane: Looks like the Rock failed anatomy too. Hunter: Did he pass anything in high school? Vince: You've heard him talk. Hunter: Exactly.) Edge:Dude,what do you mean,its right there Rock:The Rock doesnt see a penis he see a vagina Chyna:Hey its right there Rock:Where? Chyna:Oh wait its just a fly Rock:The Rock thinks Ed is a god damn woman! Edge:Dude its Edge and Im 100% man Chyna:Where might this manhood be? Rock:The Rock doesnt care,go put some damn pants on (Shane: Okay, I was wrong. Horny homocidal freaks in a house together, with a Stephanie with a fetish for bondage and S&M. Hunter: This is a nightmare.) Scotty:Im bored (Mark: I'd say that's an understatement at the moment.) Rock:Here play with this balloon *The Rock hands the balloon to him* Chris:Rock thats a condom *The Rock once again shreeks like a woman and throws it down* Stephanie:Oh good you found it! *Stephanie picks up the condom and carries it into the room* Triple H:EEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!! uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh *Another scream comes from the room* (Shane: Don't you love how they have things like condoms just laying around the place? Hunter: Not very good housekeepers, apparently. *Shane grins*: After you make dinner and dessert, maybe you could show them some pointers. *Hunter glares at him*: The only point I'm going to show you is the point of my foot going up your ass. *Shane clicks his tongue*: Testy, testy. Are you PMSing?) Rock:Play with these then *Rock hands Scotty three boxes of animal crackers which kept them buisy for a few hours* Chris:This sucks Chyna:yep *Chris and Chyna have a drink* ^20 minutes later^ Chyna:You are so freakin sexy Chris Chris:I know and you are the hottest woman... *Chris and Chyna fall on the floor puking then they pass out* (Shane: And the list gets longer. Horny homocidal alcoholics!) Jeff:Mommy!Im hungry! Rock:What do you mean the Rock just gave you pie,you shouldnt be hungry Lita:I want some chips Rock:Go ahead the Rock doesnt give a rats ass Scotty:Mommy watch your language Rock:Aw!Dont make the Rock ground you *The three shut up* Jeff:Yumm *They ate their chips making loud noises* : EeEEeeeeEEEeeeKkkKKKkkkK!!!!! uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Rock:The Rock thinks Triple F needs to kill his ho of a wife Edge:Triple F? Rock:Fat,Fugly and Femanine Edge:I like that (Hunter: Well I don't! I'm not Fat or Fugly! Shane: What are you saying? That you are feminine? *Hunter glares at him*) Rock:Hey the Rock came up with that and the Rock will kick your ass if you take credit....aw GOD DAMMIT GET SOME FREAKIN PANTS ON ED! Edge:NO! Im proud of my hot sexy body *the Rock screams and jumps back* *He grabs a pot and fixes to throw it at Edge but hit Stephanie instead Stephanie:You ass!My daddy will fire you for this! *Lita tackles Stephanie from behind and beats her up* Lita:No one talks to my mommy that way Rock:The Rock could get use to this Lita:I told ya so! *Stephanie goes back to her room* Jeff:Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!! *Everyone hears Jeff from the room* Jeff:MOMMY! *Everyone ran to the room to see Stephanie trying to molest Jeff* Jeff:Get her off!Get her off! (*All blink* Vince: This is getting just a bit ridiculous, don't you think? Mark: I've thought it was ridiculous from the very beginning.) Rock:The Rock will kill you! *The Rock visciously attacks Stephanie and beats her with a broom* Stephanie: Help!Hunter!Help! Triple H:Oh Im sorry what did you say? I wasnt paying attention,uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh Stephanie:Help! Triple H:Oh my!Its time for my nail apointment, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh *Triple H skips off happily* (*Shane falls out of his chair again*: Hunter, can you give me a manicure while you're at it! Hunter: STOP IT, DAMN YOU!) Stephanie:You wont get away Triple H,I will get you! *Triple H looked back and turned pale.He then ran away with his arms in the air yelling help me!!!Vince walked in the front door just then andhad a strange look on his face* Vince:Uuuhhh hhmmm,Oh uh yes,you will now all have a new drill sarge,so you wont get fat *Everyone looked sad but full of rage* (Hunter: Sad, but full of rage? Shane: Someone has some trouble with adjectives. Hunter: Someone has some trouble with grammar at all.) Scotty:Mommy I dont wanna ex-er-ris-ise Jeff:Mommy I dont wanna either Lita:But we'll get to play kickball Vince:Mommy? Rock:Would you please SHUT THE HELL UP! *Just then Jericho poked his head in the window* Jericho:That is my line you JACKASS! (Hunter: Now if this is a five story house, how in the world... *Shane puts up a hand*: Just don't. It's not worth it.) *Jericho looked over at Stephanie and his face fulled with fright. (Hunter: Face fulled with right? I"ll have to remember that one.) Stephanie on the other hand had a big grin on her face* Jericho:I'll just be going now,Uh bye *He quickly disappearred* Chris:Well the was odd Chyna:It was *Jericho appearred once more* Jericho:I forgot to say hi to Chris.....HI! *Then he disappearred agane* Jericho:Hey!Im warning you,dont say my words! Brittany:I wont!Sheesh! (*Shane blinks*: Who the hell is Brittany!?! Hunter: Oh, baby, baby... *All stare at him* Shane: Don't you start that! Didn't you have enough of that in "When Karaoke Goes Bad"? Hunter: You can never have enough of that. Mark: I beg to differ) Vince:Ok now that,that is all cleared up, back to your sarge.You will all be training... Rock:Would you just get to the god damn point! Vince:Alright!Your sarge is Stone Cold Steve Austin Chyna:Oh great *Triple H came from the corner he was hiding in and smiled at Austin, Austin then smiled back* Stephanie:Oh great,two lesbos Edge:Who? Stephanie:Austin and Hunter Edge:But thier dudes *Stephanie gave Edge a weird look* Edge:Oh grose,you mean hes a.. Stephanie:Yep Edge:Dude AW dude aw aw aw aw!!Im am going to go entertain myself now (*Hunter sighs*: I really must protest this. It can't get any worse. *Vince scrolls down again*: I'm afraid it does.) Stephanie:Mind if I come too? *They grinned evilly at eachother then walked back to Edges room.Right away screams of pleasure began* Rock:God damn!We have to listen to this shit for the next month! *While everyone complained Triple H and Austin began making out* Chyna:That is screwed up.Im going to my room! (Hunter: No, what is screwed up is this piece of crap someone is trying to pass off as fiction. I mean, COME ON!) Lita:Mommy Im tired Rock:Ok *The kids and the Rock went into thier room and sat on the bed where the Rock read them all Dr.Suess* Rock:Would you like some greens eggs and ham?said Sam Iam.No I would not like any god damn green eggs and ham,Sam Iam! (Shane: I don't remember "Green Eggs and Ham" sounding like that. Hunter: Probably because no one ever read it to you. Shane: That's right. I got quarterly income reports for bedtime stories. Vince: At least I did voices. Shane: Oh, yeah, that made it better. *clears his throat* Here comes mister tax deduction to make Daddy all happy again...) *Chris grew lonely for his friend was in her room* Chris:Chyna? *He yelled knocking on the door* Chyna:Yes *She opened the door* Chris:Im bored.Can I stay with you? Chyna:Come on in *Chyna began giving Chris a makeover. While in the living room Ivory tried to stop Austin and Triple H from taking their clothes off* Ivory:Stop it Now! Austin:Drop and give me 273,566,999,216,697,NOW! ****Ivory started to do the 273,566,999,216,697 push ups.By the time she got to 10 she couldnt do any more* Austin:I said 273,566,999,216,697 not 10. I want 273,566,999,216,677 more! (Shane: Anybody else realize that 273,566,999,216,697 minus 10 is not 273,566,999,216,677? Vince: See? Those bedtime numbers made you good at math!) *Austin got up and got a belt.He began to smack and choke Ivory with it* >meanwhile back in Chynas room< Chris:Oh Chyna you have such pretty hair,how do you get it so silky? Chyna:I love your hair too,I guess.I use Herbal Essences Chris:Oh ok,I'll try that Chyna:Its refreshing and gives my hair so much body *Chyna pulled a bottle of Herbal Essences out of no where and held it up like in a commercial only it looked very corny* >Mean while back in Stephanies room< Stephanie:Oh yes ahhaahhaahahahahaah!! (Shane: I thought they were in Edge's room. Hunter: At this point, does it matter?) >In the kids room< *Rock,Scotty,Jeff and Lita fell asleep* >Living room< Austin:273,566,999,216,612, 273,566,999,216,611 273,566,999,216,610 keep goin ya lil' pussy! *Ivory continued her 273,566,999,216,697 push ups* Triple H:Suck it babe!uuuuuuuhhhhh Austin:Ok Triple H:Im tired lets sleep,uuuuuuhhhhhh Austin:Ivory,if you stop,I swear you will die! *Ivory continued her 273,566,999,216,697 push ups* *Stephanie and Edge gave it a brake then went to sleep* (Hunter: Someone is going to miss that brake if they suddenly need to stop the car.) *Chyna and Chris finished the makeover and went to bed* $The whole house slept peacefully$ #They drempt thinking that was their first night,and they all survived the first fright. They all may be scared for life, by the time they leave the house,who knows who will have f**ked Triple Hs wife. Rock is thinkng about getting(for the kids) a dog,but really they all want a hog. Stephanie and Edge have f**ked several times,they might have AIDS and it no longer sounded like chimes# (Hunter: That's just the end of the first day!?! There's more!?! *Vince scrolls down again*: 'fraid so. Hunter: I can't take much more of this. Mark: I second that.) TBC!