Title: Deconstructing Da Tarah
Author: Brooke
Email: evylbytch@hotmail.com
Rating: Hmmmm...I'll say R just to be safe.
Disclaimers: This piece of fiction is the property of Flame. I mean 
her absolutely no disrespect, and she knows it. She's the one who 
said I could do this to her wonderful piece of work! All in fun-like 
I'd really let my muses rip into my bestest friend! Muses are mine, 
people they are based on aren't...alas...
Distribution: Flame automatically. Anyone else, ask.
Summary: The muses go after Tarah

** denotes muse actions
< > denotes actual story text

**Hunter yawns as he sits down** Okay, so what's on the agenda today?

**Mark flops into the chair in front of the computer** Something 
particularly rancid, I'm sure.

**Shane grumbles then shrugs and crawls up into Hunter's lap, 
wriggling to get comfortable** Lovely.

**Hunter blinks a few times** This is new. Last I checked, you didn't 
particularly like me. What's all this sudden snuggling?

**Shane shrugs** I'm just feeling very...affectionate today.

Hunter: So, I'm your unsuspecting cuddle victim?

**Vince settles into his chair with a glass of scotch** Better you 
than the rest of us.

**Hunter clicks his tongue** This early in the morning and already 
hitting the bottle. Guys, I think it's time for an intervention.

Mark: You go right ahead and try to intervene between him and his 
scotch. We'll be witnesses so the cops will have an accurate account 
of your bloody death.

**Hunter huffs and puts his head against Shane's shoulder**

**Shane yawns a little** So, what is it we're being tortured with 
again?

**Mark's eyes slide over the computer screen until his jaw suddenly 
drops** You've got to be shitting him...

**Vince, Hunter, and Shane all blink** WHAT!?!

**Mark shakes his head** You won't believe it.

Shane: What is it? Please don't tell me it's another father/son 
incest fic. **shudders**

**Mark shakes his head** It's Tarah.

**Vince, Hunter, and Shane all blink again** Tarah!?!

**Mark nods slowly** Tarah.

**Shane blinks in disbelief** Tarah...as in THE Tarah?

**Mark snorts** How many other insanely long and drawn out het fics 
named Tarah do you think there are?

Hunter: But..but..TARAH!?!

**Mark nods solemnly**

Hunter: Since when do we savagely rip apart the work of Brookie's 
best friend?

Vince: Maybe since Brookie gave Flame permission to rip apart "The 
Amaranth Series."

**Shane blinkblinks* HEY! That's my starring role! They'll mutilate 
it! **nudges Mark with his toe** Get to reading big man.


Da Tarah of Da WWF by Flame

<I've decided to write my story in an effort to convince myself and 
other people that what I experienced actually happened.>

**Hunter yawns** Just the same way every Mary Sue starts.

**Shane blinks** This ISN'T a Mary Sue!

**Hunter eyes him skeptically**


<It would be a lot easier to believe that it was all a dream, but I 
just can't reconcile myself to that. There are just too many things 
that won't add up for that. I guess that I should tell you little 
about my life before it all got weird. I was just an average twenty-
five year old girl. I had a nice apartment that I shared with my best 
friend from grade school. I had a nice job in a science fiction 
specialty bookstore.>

**Hunter yells** NERD!


< I had a pet iguana and was between relationships. In all, I was 
content with the way my life was going.>

**Hunter snickers** Between relationships means hadn't had a date in 
months.

Shane: Some people are content to be single.


<My roommate, Carol, and I were both big WWF wrestling fans. It was a 
wonder that Vince McMahon didn't send us a Christmas card because we 
bought so much merchandise.>

**Hunter clicks his tongue** You heartless beast, you.

Vince: I don't send out Christmas cards

**Mark snorts** Big surprise.


< You should have seen our cable bill. We ordered enough pay-per-
views to put the bill in the triple digits.>

Shane: Does that sound like anyone we know?


<It wasn't hard to imagine our reaction to the news that there was 
going to be an autograph party before the next live event in our 
city. We were ecstatic, but there was a problem. Carol had to work 
that day. She worked for a big computer company and they weren't as 
flexible with her hours as my boss was. >

Hunter: Read "lazy ass".


<I was going alone. So she left a pile of her stuff for me to get 
signed for her, and even let me borrow her camera. "Get me a picture 
of the Undertaker," she said. "Or else.">

**Mark groans** Already it starts.


<On the day of the event, I packed up all the stuff to get signed and 
caught the bus downtown.>

Hunter: See? No car. Crappy job. Rootless existence.

Shane: Be nice.


< On the bus, I got one of my famous headaches.>

Hunter: Oooh, how ominous.


< All my friends and family know about my headaches. They always seem 
to come on when something important is about to happen. Then again, I 
get them in haunted places too. It's like a talent I guess. I 
inherited it from my mother's family. I hate to call it ESP, but I 
really can't come up with a better name either. It's just about 
worthless, really. Sometimes I can predict where a traffic accident 
is going to happen, and sense the odd spirit.>

Hunter: The odd spirit?

**Shane groans** Dammit, Hunter, don't start. Not every mention of 
the word odd has to lead to a discussion about "The Odd Couple."

Hunter: "The Odd Couple" is a classic! Why can't you see that?


<That day, I just took a couple of Motrin.>

Vince: Motrin-the wonder drug.

Hunter: I thought your wonder drug was Viagra.

**Vince growls** ONE MORE VIAGRA JOKE AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT!


< They usually knock the pain down to a dull roar. All that was left 
of the headache by the time I got off the bus was a lingering pain in 
my temples and a stiff feeling in my neck. It was something I was 
used to and could ignore. 

As I finally stood in line to get autographs, I couldn't believe my 
good luck. All my favorite wrestlers were there: Steve Austin, New 
Age Outlaws, Undertaker, Kane and Mick Foley, to name just a few.>

**Shane sniffs** Notice I wasn't mentioned in there.

**Hunter pats his back comfortingly** But Shane, you weren't such a 
big fan base back then. Don't fret.

**Mark snorts** I didn't see your name mentioned in there either, 
Hunter.

**Hunter huffs** I was still up and coming.

Mark: Uh huh.


<I dug into my backpack as I stepped up to Mick Foley. Carol wanted 
him to autograph her Mr. Socko she had made for the last house show 
we had went to. >

Vince: Isn't that touching.

Hunter: Personally, all those fans with Mr. Sockos always sorta 
freaked me out.

Shane: Hunter, that doesn't say much. Raccoons freak you out.

Hunter: Those are scary fuckers! Those beady eyes haunt me!


<He had on a title belt in honor of Mick winning the belt. I handed 
him the sock and my notebook. "Could you make the sock out to Carol 
and the book out to Tarah?" I asked.>

**Hunter opens his mouth to say something**

Shane: Don't you DARE make a crack about her name! I like it!

**Hunter stays quiet**


<"Sure," he said. "Which are you?"

"Tarah," I answered. I've always disliked my name. I just don't feel 
like I live up to it. Tarah sounds like a southern belle. I'm not. 
Just a redneck from Texas.>

**Hunter eyes Shane** Not a Mary Sue, hmmmm?

**Shane blinks** Well...


<"Cool," he said handing them back to me. "Have a nice day.">

Mark: Of course, he'd say `have a nice day.'

Hunter: I wonder if Taker will say `rest in peace.'

Mark: God, I hope not.


<I got most of Carol's stuff signed pretty quick. I took a lot of 
pictures too. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be, of course I 
hadn't got to the Undertaker yet. I'd been watching him wrestle since 
his debut. I wasn't his biggest fan though. Carol had an absolute 
THING for him.>

Vince: But notice, this story isn't called "Da Carol of Da WWF."

Hunter: What do you bet she suddenly has a THING for him later on? 

Shane: What is it about chicks and the Ministry days Taker? I just 
don't see it.

Mark: You don't appreciate the creativity and devotion it takes to 
fulfill that character.

**Shane blinks** Excuse me? And you do, Mark? You're not even a 
Taker! You're just a Mark!


<I was more partial to Billy Gunn, or really, my secret favorite was 
Kevin Nash.>

**Hunter howls** BILLY GUNN!?! COME ON! Nash I can see because who 
isn't partial to Kevy, but BILLY GUNN!?!

Vince: Some people's tastes just aren't as refined as yours, Hunter.

Hunter: Evidently not!


< The day he had left the WWF, I cried. I just couldn't work up the 
enthusiasm for him now that he was with WCW.>

Shane: Don't worry, Tarah. No one could.


<When it was my turn to see Taker, my mouth went dry.>

**Hunter snickers** Does Taker inspire that reaction often?


<For no reason I could find, I suddenly got nervous.>

Hunter: It must be his commanding presence. It has that effect on 
chicks.


< I guess I was just thinking about his recent return to the 
darkside. The whole Ministry of Darkness thing was just a little too 
bizarre for me.>

Mark: You and me both, sweetie.

Shane: Face it, Mark. You're just a castrated Taker.

**Mark glares at him**


< I mean, it wasn't like I was really scared of him. He was just some 
guy playing a part, right? I'd acted in high school. This was just 
theater with testosterone.

He signed my book and Carol's comic book with a smile. "Thank you," I 
said. 

"Could I get my picture taken with you?"

"I'd love to," he said in that low voice of his. Funny I would have 
thought his real speaking voice would sound different.>

Shane: Come on, Mark. Give us a little Taker voice. I know you can do 
it.

Mark: No. Leave me alone.

Shane: Pretty please?

Mark: No.


<I handed the camera to the guy in line behind me. He promised me 
that he could take good pictures. I just hoped he didn't ruin the 
whole roll.

Taker stood up and stepped around the table. He put his arm around my 
shoulders and pulled me close to his side. Then he muttered several 
weird sounding words under his breath. I looked up at him and 
frowned. His eyes seemed to glow for a second and then I began to 
feel dizzy and spots swam before my eyes.>

**Hunter shakes his head** Taker is always doing that to people. Guy 
just doesn't know his own strength.

**Mark rolls his eyes** Or when to quit.


<I put my hands to my temples and fought for consciousness, but it 
was a lost cause.>

Vince: Give in, Tarah...give innnnn to the dark side!

**Shane blinks at him and scoots further away from him**


<When I woke up, I had no idea where I was. I remembered what had 
happened and I sat up. I had been lying on a folding table. There was 
nothing else in the room except chairs. Oh, and Kane sitting in one 
of those chairs.>

**Hunter shudders** That's a scary ass thing to wake up to. Poor 
Tarah.


<That he was sitting there struck me as kind of odd. Why would they 
put a famous wrestler in a room to watch some passed out fan? I 
wondered if I should say anything when he broke the silence.>

Hunter: And just how did he break the silence?

**Shane makes a face** Don't be gross, Hunter.

Hunter: What!?! Like you weren't thinking it too!


<"Are you OK?" he asked. His voice was hoarse and gravelly, almost 
painful sounding. It was obvious that he used that voice thingie on 
TV just for effect. He was a lot easier to understand without it.>

Mark: Ah, yes. The infamous `voice thingie'. I always thought that 
thing was a little melodramatic.

Shane: YOU thinking something is melodramatic? That's a first.


<"I think so," I replied, rubbing my forehead. My headache had come 
back with a vengeance.>

Vince: Time for more Motrin!


<There was a knock at the door and Chyna stuck her head in. "She's 
awake?" she asked. Kane nodded. "I'll go get Shane, then. He'll want 
to asked her some questions.">

**Shane bounces a little** Now we're getting to the good part!

**Hunter rolls his eyes**


<I wondered if she could mean Shane McMahon. I didn't really think 
so. After all, what kind of questions could he want to ask me?>

**Shane squeaks** Of course she means Shane McMahon! What other Shane 
is there?


<"Can I get you a Coke or something?" Kane asked.

"Diet, please," I answered.>

Vince: Gotta watch those calories.

**Hunter sings** JUST FOR THE TASTE OF IT...DIET COKE!


<Kane paused at the door. "Would you like someone to sit with you?"
I was starting to think that there was something going on that I 
didn't know about. "I guess."

He looked out in the hall and then back at me. "Would Test be all 
right with you?"

I shrugged. If I had to have a corporate baby sitter, I could do 
worse than Test. Carol and I call him the rabbit. We just think he 
looks like one I guess.>

Hunter: Damn right he does.

Shane: Trix are for kids, silly rabbit.

**Vince shakes his head** What is it with you two and commercials?


<Test came in and straddled one of the chairs. "Hi," he said tossing 
his hair back over his shoulder.>

Mark: Oh, very dramatic, Test.


<"Hi," I answered.

"So, how's it feel to be in the company of all these great wrestlers?"

I thought of a few smart-aleck comebacks, but I kept them to myself. 
Then, I thought, why hold back? "When they open the theme park, make 
sure they put the passing out part on the tour.">

Hunter: Nice one, Tarah.


<He paused in his gum chewing to try and figure it out. "Uh... yeah," 
he said finally.>

**Hunter snickers** He can't chew gum and think at the same time. 

Shane: Why does that not surprise me?

Vince: He's a dumb, long-haired blond. They all have trouble with 
that.

**Hunter starts to nod then blinks* HEY!


<I looked up as the door opened again. This time it was Shane McMahon 
followed by the Big Bossman.>

**Shane wails** WHY!?! Why the Big Bossman? Why can't he have some 
hunky body guard guy following him around?

**Mark snorts** Like who? The Ministry was short on them back then.

**Hunter snickers** What about Viscera? He's a hunk.

**Shane looks sick**


< If this was how they treated every fan that passed out at an event, 
word was going to get out, and then the events were going to look 
like Beatles concerts: people going down left and right. >

**Hunter eyes Shane wickedly**

**Shane blinks** Don't you say a word.

**Hunter puts up his hands** Hey, I didn't say anything. Tarah is the 
one going on about people going down left and right.


<"Hi," Shane said shaking my hand. "Tarah, isn't it?" I 
nodded. "Good," he continued. "I have a few questions to ask you."

"I have a few of my own too," I said. Kane came back and handed me a 
can of soda. I opened it and took a drink. Shane gestured for me to 
continue.

"What happened when I passed out?" I asked.

"What do you remember from right before that?" Shane asked.

I frowned. "I can remember the Undertaker putting his arm around me 
for a picture and then saying something I couldn't understand. 
Then... nothing," I said. I left out the part about the glowing eyes. 
Maybe that had been red eye from the camera flash.>

**Mark rolls his eyes** Oh, yeah. That's what it was.

Hunter: Maybe Taker had been...you know...visiting with Mary Jane before 
the autograph signing, and that's why his eyes were red.

**Shane groans** Hunter...not everyone shares your love of illegal 
substances.

**Hunter grins** That's what you think. **glances over at Vince**

**Vince blinkblinks** EXCUSE ME!?!


<Shane sighed and sat down in a chair. "Right after you passed out, 
the Acolytes came charging up and grabbed you. They were trying to 
carry you off to the parking lot when Kane stopped them."

I looked at Kane. I could recall seeing him just as my vision had 
went dark. "So are you saying that I almost went from fan to creature 
of the night in one day?" I asked in shock. There was no way I was 
buying that Taker had tried to kidnap me. >

Shane: Why not? It's plausible.

**Mark snorts** As plausible as Hunter wearing clothes if he's not 
forced.

**Hunter grins proudly**


<No way. It was just too freaky.>

Hunter: Understatement of the year, sweetie. 


<Kane didn't answer, but looked at the other people in the room. I 
wondered if he was hesitant to speak in front of the others or what?>

**Mark rolls his eyes** Uhhhh, you think so?


<Shane rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I know he was after you for some 
specific reason, but damned if I know what it is.">

Hunter: You got me, buddy.

**Vince snorts** You got all of us, I think.

Shane: Is it over?

**Mark laughs** Not by a long shot.



TBC...