I hope you all like this. I haven't written MiST fic in such a long time, I hope I'm not losing my touch. More where this came from if you like it! Title: Once Upon a Time... Part: Get That Woman a Hairbrush! Author: Brooke Email: evylbytch@hotmail.com Rating: R-ish Content: language, talk of m/m Disclaimer: The fairytales used in this series do not belong to me. They are property of their respective authors, and no disrespect is intended. Distribution: ask and ye shall receive Summary: Fairy tales need MiSTing too! Hunter: All right, what literary piece of shit do we have before us today? Shane *looks over some notes and blinks*: Rapunzel. Vince *blinks*: Rapunzel? As in "let down your hair" Rapunzel? Shane: Do you know any others? Vince: Smartass. Vince: Trust me. One child will change your mind about that. Shane *eyes him* Hunter: Herbs, huh? Are you sure they didn't mean a little Mary Jane? Shane *rolls his eyes* Hunter: I bet her name was Stephanie. Hunter: See! Fresh and green! You can't tell me that they weren't talking about pot. Shane: Hunter...you really are a simple creature, aren't you? Hunter: Damn, I've heard of needing a fix, but that's pushing it. Shane: THEY ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT POT! Shane: Now, that's love. Risking life and limb just to bring your wife a plant. Hunter *snorts*: He just wants to hit that shit, too. Shane *groans* Vince: That's a woman for you. They want something so badly, and once they get it, they can't be content until they get more. Shane: You know, your misogynistic attitude is sometimes frightening. Hunter: Watch out, man. Those dealers get crazy when someone is sneaking some of their stash. Hunter: You know what the enchantress is thinking. "New customers." <...and said to him, "If the case be as you say, I will allow you to take away with you as much rampion as you will, only I make one condition, you must give me the child which your wife will bring into the world. It shall be well treated, and I will care for it like a mother"> Shane: Hey, free baby-sitting! Hunter: And a regular supplier! < The man in his terror consented to everything, and when the woman was brought to bed, the enchantress appeared at once, gave the child the name of rapunzel, and took it away with her. Rapunzel grew into the most beautiful child under the sun.> Hunter: Do you think she fed her hash brownies when she cried? Shane: HUNTER! I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T STOP IT... Hunter: You know what I'd say? I'd say "Fuck you, bitch! Get a ladder!" No one would be climbing my hair, that's for sure. Vince: Only because you treat your hair like it IS made of gold. Hunter: You've seen it. Can you blame me? Shane: I bet that hurt. Hunter: Nah, the stuff they grow in the garden is supposed to dull pain. Hunter: Did you ever notice how some prince always happens to ride by in fairy tales? How many damn princes can there be? Shane: You'd think she'd know that it wasn't the enchantress just by her voice. Hunter: Hell, she's been in that tower for how long? She's probably so hard up for some action, she doesn't give a damn who climbs her hair. Hunter: I bet that's not all that stirred. Shane: You know, I didn't think it was possible, but you've managed to totally destroy a beloved children's classic. Vince: That's what he lives for. Shane *sighs wistfully*: That's so...sweet. Hunter *makes a face*: And booooooring. He should have thrown her down on the ground and made sweet love to her right there. Vince: One skein of silk every time he visits? That must have taken forever. Hunter *shrugs*: Where has she got to be that she doesn't have the time? Hunter: Stupid bitch! She ruined the whole thing! Vince: Maybe it was separation anxiety from the loss of her hair. Shane: Or the loss of her chance to get laid. <"Ah, you wicked child," cried the enchantress. "What do I hear you say? I thought I had separated you from all the world, and yet you have deceived me." In her anger she clutched Rapunzel's beautiful tresses, wrapped them twice round her left hand, seized a pair of scissors with the right, and snip, snap, they were cut off, and the lovely braids lay on the ground. And she was so pitiless that she took poor Rapunzel into a desert where she had to live in great grief and misery.> Hunter: Seems to me that she was already living in great grief in misery. This is just a change of scenery. Hunter: Fool! Come to steal my weed too!?! I shall show you! Vince: I doubt it was her herbs he was after anyway. Shane: I always hated the part about the pierced eyes. It freaks me out. Hunter: Brings to mind an old prison bitch joke... Vince: You can keep that one to yourself. Hunter: How'd they get married? Shane: Maybe they had the priest shimmey up her hair too. Hunter: WHOA! When did she squeeze out two kids? I don't remember reading any sex scenes. Shane: They edit that part out as not to offend the children. Hunter: Well, I'm offended! If Rapunzel was such a hot ass bitch, I want to read about her shagging the handsome prince. Vince: Doesn't take much to amuse you, does it? Hunter: Knew him as in a Biblical sense? Shane: Would you give it a rest? Shane: I love happy endings. Hunter *rolls his eyes*: Yeah, yeah. As far as I'm concerned, this story was about a lady's marijuana addiction which lead to her kid being taken away with some blinding and non-existant sex lives thrown in. Vince: What a great story for kids. END PART 1 --Brooke