~*~ [As the camera pans around the SOD, we see X-Pac, Tom Servo, and Crow resting on the newly-rebuilt couch with piles of comic books around them, including a somewhat charred special edition of Spiderman. Resting on some of the books are action figures, packaged and non, and various comic book memorabilia pieces.] Tom: Oh wow! (Reaches for a mint edition of Uncanny X-Men #100, only to have his hand smacked away by a scowling X-Pac. X-Pac: No! No touch! Crow(puzzled): But...It's backed by cardboard, has the plastic sleeve and everything, and I'm pretty sure you've glued the thing sealed shut. So what's the problem? X-Pac: Don't touch. Crow: Yessir. [Mike then walks into camera view, holding a newspaper in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Noticing the 'bots and wrestler sitting nearby, he invites himself into the chair across from them.] Mike: Hey guys. [Assembled grunts of welcome are mumbled] Mike: Hey, what's this? X-Pac: Don't touch that! It's a rare mint edition! Mike(drawing hand back in shock): Sorry...Fangeeks. (Starts to shake head, then stops in confusion) And how on Earth are you two comic fans? Have you ever even SEEN a comic book before now? Crow: We might not be sentient beings, Michael, but that doesn't mean you have to insult our intellectual preferences. (Pulls a pipe out of no where and lights it, takes a deep puff, then begins to hack uncontrollably. Mike frowns.) Mike: You called me Michael. Tom: It's a sign of our growing...intellectualism! Oh, and Mike, they're not comics, per se, they're graphic novels. Mike: Uh...Huh. (Blinks, then walks off as he finds something else to distract himself with- a conversation between Joel and Bret about the finer points of Canadian life. He seats himself beside Triple-H, who is listening in a state somewhere between fascination and horror.) Joel: And then...(Looks up, notices Mike sitting down) Well, if it isn't my replacement. Mike: Hey. Joel: Nice to see ya. (Points at Bret) He's Canadian! HHH: And the source of more than one of our problems. Joel(Defensive): There somethin' wrong with Canada? HHH: No, not really...(Begins to look around, Joel grows even more defensive) Joel: No, really, I want an answer. What's wrong with Canada, you, you...American snob! Bret: Yeah! Mike: Has the whole world gone mad? HHH: Personally, I don't think one of us were sane before. Joel: Was. HHH: Huh? Joel: One of us was. (Smirks) At least Canadians get a proper education! HHH: Are you insulting the American school system? Joel: Not at all, just that most Canadians don't quit school when they're fourteen to go join the wrestling circus! HHH: No, they quit to go join some half-rate hockey team! Mike: Um...Guys? (Looks at Bret, who's trying to hold Joel back) What exactly is your problem? Joel: Oh, excuse me, I forgot we're talking to Mr. All-American whitebread downhome country boy here. Mike(even more confused): Huh? I lived in Minnesota! Joel: Exactly! X-Pac(walking into the room, carefully guarding several comics in his arms): What's wrong with Minnesota? (Joel groans and shakes his head, muttering something under his breath. X-Pac stares at him, shrugs, then rests his books down on the table.) Anyone seen Shawn around? HHH: He's pouting somewhere 'cause you're ignoring him. X-Pac: Oh. Well, I just thought I'd ask. (Notices Crow and Tom both sneaking up on him to try to grab the comics. Shrieks, grabs them from the table, and runs out of camera view. Bret, finally noticing the camera, smiles sheepishly.) Bret: Oh! Hi, boys, girls, robots, and evil villains! As you can see, we have several guests with us today, and they'll be joining us for playtime today! Doesn't that sound like fun? HHH: It's a wonderful day in Mr. Rogers' neighborhood... Bret: Was it that bad? Eh. Anyway, as you can also see, our fearless leader and MADs correspondent extraordinaire is off somewhere sulking, no doubt, so we'll be right back after this message, hopefully with out hero in tow. [Commercials: Chia pets, cheese whiz, and a new advertisement: Prozac! The scene opens with Raven slumped in the corner of a wrestling ring. He looks depressed, unshaven, ragged...how else would he look? He looks towards the camera and deepens his frown. Raven: The more I look at this world, the more I see that it was not one meant for me, and the more I begin to wonder if it would be of any benefit to simply remove myself from it. My days are filled with sadness and longing for a mere hint of joy. Someone, help! (A deep voice is heard in the distance, very Ren and Stimpy-esque) Narrator: Depressed? (Raven nods) Feel like throwing in the towel? (Raven nods again) Want to brighten up your days with some colorful lights and bright swirls? And not waste all your money on acid? (Raven, again, nods) Well then, we have just the trick for you! (Raven looks to the camera, and from his pocket he produces a bottle of pills, holding it proudly for the camera) Raven: That's why I take Prozac! Now, I can shed the darkness and step into the light! Narrator: That's right, Raven! (Shows Raven swallowing a pill, and the view fades out. Fade in, and we see Raven skipping amidst a patch of wildflowers, holding hands with two children, and singing a light tune to himself.) Now you, too, can realize the benefits of modern medication! Side effects may include, but are not limited to, extreme vomiting, kidney failure, liver failure, heart failure, immediate cardiac arrest, and itchy butt syndrome. But at least you'll be happy while your heart bursts! It will burst with JOY! (Suddenly, Raven snaps out of his seemingly coma-induced state and blinks, then stares up at the "sky") Raven: You people are sick! You're marketing a death pill! Narrator: Are not! Raven: Are too! Narrator: Don't argue with the narrator! Raven: That's it, I'm out of here! I'd rather be back on the satellite MiSTing stuff than whore your stupid drug for you! (Drops one of the children he had pulled up into the air in his rage.) Anonymous Child: Ow! Narrator(clearing throat): Prozac! See your physician for a recommendation. [As the SOD comes back into view, we see Bret walking into a small room, candles lit in various places, and the soft stylings of a Britney Spears CD playing in the background. He frowns, then looks around, noticing Shawn, who's slumped on his bed, singing along with the CD.] HBK: Oops, I did it again....I played with your heart... Bret(smirking): Really? Well, when you're done playing, mind if I have it back? HBK(shooting upright, blushing hotly): I...er....Yeah. (Quickly shuts the CD player off.) What do you want? Bret: The MADs are gonna be calling in a little while. HBK(grumbling): So let 'em. I don't care. Bret: Uh...Well, okay, you can stay in here and face the wrath of a pissed Vince McMahon if you want. But don't blame me when you're stuck doing Shotgun duty. (Turns to leave, and Shawn looks up, stopping him) HBK: Where's the kid at? Bret(glancing over his shoulder): Trying to hack into the Hexfield. (HBK starts to say something, then shakes his head and follows Bret out into the main room, where we see Joel, Mike, and X-Pac all huddled around a computer, all of them shouting various ideas and possible password-breakers. HBK huffs and slips down into the couch, watching as Crow and Tom idly flip through various comics. Noticing a special one set to the side of the table, he let his curiosity get to him and picked it up, carefully easing it from the sleeve.) Joel: Nuts. X-Pac: You sound like that chick on Full House now. Joel: No, you inferior American moron! I mean, nuts! That's the password! (X-Pac raises his eyebrows) Frank had a fascination with them. (X-Pac opens his mouth to say something and, deciding against it, shakes his head and types in the word 'nuts'. To his surprise, the screen stops blinking at him, but instead of bringing up the coding for the satellite, they're greeted by Shane McMahon.) All at the computer, including Shane: What the Hell? Joel: You don't look like any aerodynamic coding... Shane: And you don't look like any hot Swedish chick, either! X-Pac(eyebrows raising higher): Correct me if I'm wrong, Shane-O, but uh..Aren't you married? Shane(clearing throat): Yeah, but...Anyway, I've just been trying to show my friends here (gestures behind him) the wonders of the World Wide Web and the miracles of web cams. Mike: No you weren't. You were looking for Swedish porn sites, you pervert. Shane(indignant): And who might YOU be? Joel(Disgusted): Another dirty American. Mike: Yep! And specifically, Minnesotan! Shane(groaning): Great. ANOTHER one. We all need another quasi-genius that thinks he knows every rule of grammar ever invented. X-Pac(smugly): Don't forget biochemist. Shane: That, too. (Hunter, who had been playing Zelda on the PlayStation hooked up nearby, recognizes the voice and walks over to the computer.) HHH: Hey! It's Shane-O Mac! (Notices who is sitting by the keyboard, and he smirks) Figures you'd find him. Couldn't do without him for a while, could ya? X-Pac(blushing profusely): It was an accident, Hunt. We were trying to hack into- HHH: Yeah, whatever. So, Shane...Wanna tell me why there's a little sign at the bottom of the screen that wants a password to enter the 'Swedish Sweeties Live Nude Gallery'? (Sirens and noises and lights, oh my! Shane stammers for an answer, and Shawn drops the comic in his hands to the floor for laughing, and as he gets up to answer the call, slips and goes flying backwards, as well as ripping the comic to shreds. X-Pac, however, is oblivious, as he simply buries his head in his hands. Shawn stumbles to his feet, notices the book, coughs, then hits the button.) (Camera zooms out from a buffet table, and we see that Pearl and Vince are residing at the head of the table, with Bobo, Brain Guy, and Frank are piling things onto their plates, while Pearl stands.) Pearl (pointing to each in turn): Vince, this is Bobo, Frank, and Brain Guy. Visiting with us we have intergalactic baddies, Phil "Mushy" Mushnik, Bob Ryder, and Chris Hyatte. (All exchange hello's and handshakes) Gentlemen, welcome to the third annual Mad Scientist Meeting-of-the-Minds Banquet and Greetfest. HBK(muttering): My, aren't we cheesy today? And when were the other two meetings, huh? Pearl(Turning to the camera): Don't push me today, Michael. I'm actually having a good day, and no one, not even the ever-annoying robots behind you, are going to ruin that for me. Crow(hurt): My name is CROW! Pearl: Whatever. At any rate, today I'm feeling generous, but only to my esteemed colleagues. To you...Well, to you, I'm my ever-hating self. Mushy! How about you enlighten our dears on their newest project? Mushy: My pleasure. (Produces a cue card and begins to read) Today's first assignment is a wonderfully preachy piece by none other than Kevin Nash. HHH(Grumbling): Great. So he's going to give us tips on how to force ourselves on everyone else? Mushy: Maybe. I haven't read it yet, simply because I detest wrestling, wrestlers, wrestling promotions... (Vince coughs) Mushy(smiling innocently): Except for yours, of course! (Rolls his eyes as he turns back to the camera) Anyway, hope you have a really bad time, and I can claim your souls as my own. X-Pac(having given up on the computer idea and joining the 'bots, Bret, HBK, and HHH at the desk): I thought that was Eric's job? Mushy: Well...(Stammers, then grows angry): Go! Read! [Screen goes blank. Those standing on the bridge of the SOD look around in confusion, then shrug. Back at the computer, Mike and Joel are still chatting away with Shane, who announces that he has to go soon.] Shane: Guys, I gotta get going. We get to go MiSTing now. Imagine my enthusiasm. Anyway, I'm going to try sending you guys somethin', okay? I'm not sure WHAT it is...I think it's a giant purple mouse, but I'm not sure. (Shrugs, then steps out of camera view. Various noises are heard, and he comes back, smiling) There. Should get there soon, I hope. (In the distance, Sean hears the duplicator he had been secretly working on for weeks start to hum to life, and he frowned) X-Pac: How'd you do that? Shane(smugly): You ain't the only quasi-whitebread-genius around here. Now I really gotta get goin'. Later. (Transmission ends, and the others stare at each other in surprise before the lights start to flare and sirens go off yet again) HBK: Guys... Bret: We have really preachy sermon siiiiign!