Bret: Damn. Well, since this seems to be aimed at Shawn, can we go ahead and leave now?
HBK(grinning and looking at Bret): Do you think I'm cute? I know I'm sexy. I've got the looks...(starts humming theme song)
Bret(groaning): C'mon! It's five words into the post! Don't make that urge to kill you rise all ready!
X-Pac: Well, you DID set yourself up for that one, Bretski...
Bret: Shuddup, punk.
Send this to everybody you think
HHH: would like to receive your unsolicited spams!
is cute in their own way,
Bret: Like a parent thinks their kid picking his nose is cute.
and if they think you're cute in your own way too,
X-Pac: Run.
they'll send this back and you can
HBK: enroll in Spam Victims Anonymous?
condsider yourself loved!
HHH: Because we all know that before you're the victim of relentless and harsh spamming and a recipient of chain letters, you'll be...unloved.
I~N~V~U~4~U~R~
Bret: Smart.
A~Q~T!!
HBK(puzzled): American Quarter Toilet?
If you send this to:
0-2 people~Then you
HHH: have a life and obviously know that no one REALLY believes these things!
will have bad luck in how you look
Bret(looking to his right): Damn, Sean...then how many times have you deleted this chain letter?
X-Pac: Oh, you're SO funny, I...
Bret: What's wrong? Can't think of a decent comeback? I'm gettin' GOOD at this!
3-5 people~Then you will have good luck in how you look
HHH: Well that about kills any other options...
6-8 people~Then you will never have to worry about how you look, cuz you'll always look great!
HBK: Yep, this is MY letter all right!
Bret: So Shawn finally admits that he's a 'net-roaming cyber geek?
HBK: Damn straight. Only way ta be, man.
>>Comment :
X-Pac: If you really want me to. (shrugs) You suck.
You know I think your cute in your own way !
HHH: Like a zoo keeper thinks a monkey picking lice from its hair is cute.
Have A Great DaY ;)
Bret: Have a great time back at school learning how to type!
_______________ FWD: FRIENDS!!
HHH: *sniff* I have none! Hey, does that mean I'm exempt from having to read this?
HBK: Um...no. But it was good try.
HHH: Damn!
I sit and think and wonder
X-Pac: How DO they cram all that graham?
how you are my friend.
HBK: Yeah. How ARE you my friend?
HHH: Beats the hell outta me.
HBK: Yeah, I mean...HEY!
How your day might start and end.
Bret: Well, it would start with you waking up and probably end with you going back to sleep.
I'm so glad that your in my buddy list.
X-Pac(person in buddy list): LET ME OUT!!!
HHH: What...is a buddy list, like, a hit list?
Bret: You don't get online much, do you?
HBK: And no, it's not...well, sometimes it CAN be...
The time we laugh
HHH: Like when we tipped over those cows. Oh, boy, now THAT was a hoot!
and the time we cry
HBK: Like when we got our asses kicked after we tipped the cows...
it makes our friendship grow you know.
X-Pac: Well I've laughed AND cried with you all, and where does that get me? NO WHERE! It gets me getting my ass handed to me in a Ziplock bag every freaking week! Where are YOU all when I'm getting my brains knocked out, huh? I don't see any of YOU coming out to help me! (trails off, mumbling something while HBK and HHH look at one another, growing frightened).
Here is one sweet rose ..one of a kind
Bret: This sounds like one of those ads on QVC at three in the morning.
just like you friend of mine .
HHH: I don't think so. Most of my friends can type. And spell.
I hope this brings a smile to your face
X-Pac: It doesn't.
and britens up your day.
HBK: How hard can it be to correctly spell a nine-letter word as easy as that? B-R-I-G-H-T-E-N!
The way you do mine.
Bret: That was I do your what? Wait, nevermind, do NOT answer that.
We come and play and stay for a time.
X-Pac: Until one, it's time for supper or two, our moms find out we just hurled water balloons at the neighbor's cat.
hug and kiss, it makes us happy that we play like this.
HHH: Uh....Sean?
X-Pac: One word about me being ANYONE'S bitch and so help me, I'll murder you. I am NOT in the mood for it right now.
HHH: I was just...just gonna ask if you'd pass the popcorn...
X-Pac: No you weren't! Admit it!
HHH: I WASN'T going to say anything that...that...lewd. (stifling laughter)
X-Pac(growing enraged): You go to Hell! You go to Hell and you die!
We some times dont get to
Bret: Spell even REMOTELY decent.
see the other person on the other end .
HBK: That's not true. Sean gets to see PLENTY of guys' other ends!
X-Pac: You sick bastard.
HHH: Hey! Watch the language!
HBK: Hunter..this is a guy who gets bleeped out twice during a fifteen second interview.
HHH: True.
It doesn't matter
Bret: What your name is, you stupid jabronie!
X-Pac: Hey! Use of another wrestler's marketed catch phrases is clearly prohibited!
cause you are a good friend.
HBK: Yeah. 'bout as good a friend as Bret is to me.
Bret(sweetly): But Shawn, don't you remember the times when we'd roast Smores together and sing campfire songs?
HBK: I must of forgotten about that. Either that, or it was when I was trying to gouge my eyes out with a rusty nail.
Thats all I wanted to say.
HHH: Then go the hell away and stop spamming us already!
I love all my friends in a special way.
X-Pac: Like Suzy. I love her in a way like mommy loves daddy! And Bobby. I love him in a way like I love my brother Jim!
Bret: And if you live in West Virginia, you might love Daddy like you love uncle John, since they're probably one and the same anyhow.
[MiSTie's voice is suddenly heard over the speakers]
MiSTie: Watch it, Bretski! I'll make you into such a steriotypical Canuck you won't know what hit you!
Bret(fearfully glancing at the speakers on the walls): I'm sorry, oh great one! I didn't MEAN it! Really, I didn't! That's uh..that's...I meant...Kansas!
MiSTie: What did Kansas ever do to anybody?
Bret: It won't happen again. (bowing head in shame)
MiSTie: GOOD! Next time, I break your precious little sunglasses before your eyes and laugh in your face. (speakers shut off and the MiSTers look at each other in shock before continuing)
written by ERW :)
HBK: Extremely Raunchy Wrestling.
HHH: When did ECW change its name?
_______ Fwd: dO U LoVe mE!!
All: NO!
ThIS A LoVe Test
Bret: Well, if I tell you I don't love you, will you leave me alone?
SeND ThIS tO
X-Pac: People who can spell, construct grammatically correct sentences, and type like you're SUPPOSED to.
Bret: Type in a manner which is acceptable.
X-Pac: What?
Bret: You said supposed to. You don't end a sentence in a preposition.
X-Pac: You know what, Bret? You can go to Hell! You go to Hell and you die!
HBK: Okay, kid, enough. You can only use the same gag once. You've all ready used it twice in one MiST!
ThE All tHe OnEs YoU LOVE... If YOU GET It BACK...
HHH: Then obviously those who received it have nothing better to do with their time.
U WiLL TRULY KNOW WHO LOVES YOU...
Bret: Since when did forwarded emails tell you who loves you and who doesn't?
IF U BREAK THIS CHAIN U WILL... SEVERELY HAVE BAD LUCK...
X-Pac: With your......typing.....skills.....
I'M WARNING U
HBK: Hey! She's threatening us! Let's report her to those AOL Nazis! They'll beat her down like a dog and then steal her Ding-Dong!
X-Pac: Her WHAT?!
HBK: You know...snack cake. What were YOU thinking of?
X-Pac: A Little Debbie Swiss Roll. Of course!
SO NOW U GET TO MAKE A FREE WISH!!!
Bret: Okay, guys. Let's all make a wish. I hope I never read another spam in my life.
HHH: I hope that when we get out of the theater, Carmen Elektra and Pam Anderson are both waiting for me covered in nothing but chocolate pudding and smiles.
X-Pac: I hope I can find the TV remote in the den when we get out so that I don't have to manually change the channel every time a commercial comes on and I can flip through all seven hundred and thirty two channels in under thirty seconds, thereby FLATTENING Shawn's record of fifty-three seconds.
HBK: I hope Sean DOESN'T find the remote and my record remains intact until we get OFF this blasted ship.
Bret(puzzled): Since when did we have seven hundred and thirty two channels?
X-Pac: The wonders a computer genius can work, Bretski! You'd be amazed the premium cable packages you can get thirty million lightyears from Earth. You know we can even pick up Czech channels?
Bret: Amazing...
X-Pac: Yes, it is!
HBK: Guys...um...the post?
•» «• •» «• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«•»Love Love«• •»
HHH: Hey, check it out! It's a Mariah Carey song!
All(singing(or trying to sing, anyhow)): Love takes time...to heal when you're hurting so much....
Love LoveLove Love«• •»Love Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love
All(shrugging and switching to another song): I had a vision of love...and it was all that you've given to meeeeeeee....
«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love Love«• •»Love«• •»«•
All(growing frustrated and switching again): Dreamlover come and rescue me...take me up, take me down....
U have 30 secs Start
Bret: Secs? I have thirty sex? In one night? Damn!
X-Pac: More info than I needed, Bretski.
Bret: Sorry.
* * * * * * * 15 * * * * * * 10 * * * * * * 5 * * * * * *
HHH: AAAH! Armageddon is upon us!
Time's up!!!!!!!!!
X-Pac(tearfully): I'm sorry I never called my mom like I said I would last Sunday! I'm sorry that I stole that magazine when I was younger! It was ME that hid Bret's jacket! I'm SORRY!
Bret: My...jack...(Looking angrily at X-Pac) WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY JACKET?!
Send this to:
HHH: No one! Be a LEADER! BREAK the chain of violence! Please, for the love of God, think of the children! STOP THE CHAIN!!!
2 peeps-it will come true in a year
HBK: Fine. I give my chain letter to Bretski and Hunter. Now can I have my wish?
5 peeps-in 3 months
X-Pac: Okay, fine. Bret, Shawn, Hunter, Chyna who's stalking around here somewhere, and Rocky.
7 peeps-1 month
HHH: But...but...we don't HAVE seven people around here!
10 peeps-in a week
Bret: We can't count, you idiot! Is that MORE or LESS than seven?
15 or more-tomorrow
HBK: Screw this. I give up.
_______________ Grab a pencil and paper and
X-Pac: pry your eyes from the sockets. Please!
HHH: Remind me never to fall asleep near you. Ever.
Bret: How would you get around Kane anyhow?
X-Pac: HEY!
keep track of your letter answers. Make sure you change
Bret: your mailing address, JUST incase an irate someone finds it and decides to send you REAL mail, via the Unibomber Express.
X-Pac(bitterly): Could always be worse. Could be FedEx.
(all mutter their agreement)
the subject of the e-mail
HHH: Is not important, as are ALL forwards.
to your total. When you're finished,
HBK: think SERIOUSLY about how you've spent the past few minutes of your life. In five minutes that COULD have been contributed to curing a disease, sponsoring a starving child in Taiwan, or winning a Nobel Peace Prize, you've wasted reading and replying to a senseless, meaningless forward. I hope you have a good excuse when you look into those poor kids' eyes and tell them you were too busy reading an email to give your twelve cents to buy them shoes! And I hope you're PROUD of yourself!
X-Pac: Well THAT was unexpected...
HBK: That's five minutes of your life that you'll NEVER get back! You could be watching a sunrise or sunset in that time, or playing with your children, or telling your wife or husband you love them, but NOOO! You're glued to your computer screen, reading a freaking FORWARD! AAAARGH!
HHH(growing worried): Shawn...man...it's okay. Let it go.
HBK: I..I'll try.
forward this to everyone you know and
Bret: Pray they don't find you and murder you.
the person who sent it to you--make sure you put your
X-Pac: mailing address there for easier access. Always considerate to arrange your own funeral.
score in as the subject also.
HHH: Guys? This is a personality test, isn't it?
Bret: Yep.
HHH: Oh God...I'm gonna FAIL! No one told me the test was today! I didn't have time to study! I...I....
1. When do you feel your best?
X-Pac: When I'm asleep, probably.
HBK: When I'm watching my old tape of Survivor Series and hearing that OH so familiar voice...RING THE BELL! RING THE BELL!
Bret: When I'm watching my MANY old tapes of me kicking Shawn's ass repeatedly.
(a) In the morning
HHH: I have a cup of coffee, some toast, and I read the paper. Good enough for you?
(b) During the afternoon and early evening
Bret: I wonder for hours on end what kind of screw-job ending my match is gonna have THIS time!
(c) Late at night
X-Pac: I lay awake on the couch, staring up at the ceiling and wondering just WHAT I said to piss Terri off THIS time.
2. You usually walk:
(a) fairly fast, with long steps
HHH: Yes I do, like when I stole 'taker's duffel bag.
(b) fairly fast, but with short, quick steps
HBK: When I'm outrunning Max Mini! OH!
(c) less fast, head up, looking the world in the face
X-Pac: D'Lo! Shake shake shake...shake shake shake...
(d) less fast, head down
Bret: 'taker!
(e) very slowly
HBK: Kane?
3. When talking to people, you:
HHH: Fear others nearby. I'm paranoid that others are watching and waiting for me to reveal important information necessary for them to leave my cat gutted and hanging in the shower as a sign of their love for me!
(a) stand with your arms folded
(b) have your hands clasped
X-Pac: Tightly around the other person's throat in hopes you can get EVERY last little breath from them.
Bret: I think this MiSTing stuff has finally gone to the kid's brain.
HBK: It happens to the best of us, Brestski.
(c) have one or both your hands on your hips
HHH: Usually what Bret's wife looks like when she realizes just WHO drank all the milk.
Bret: It wasn't MEEEE!
(d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
X-Pac: And this is in a friendly conversation?
(e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair
HBK: And if you can do all three of those at once, then you got TALENT!
4. When relaxing, you sit with:
HHH: Sean sits with Kane.
Bret: No, Sean sits ON Kane.
X-Pac: You're gonna be sitting on my foot when I shove it up your ass in a minute!
(a) your knees bent and your legs neatly side by side
(b) your legs crossed
HBK: That's rather painful, actually. I don't know how girls do it.
(c) your legs stretched out or straight
Bret: Isn't that the same thing?
(d) with one leg curled under you
X-Pac: Sure, I mean, if you wanna risk just snapping the damn thing off!
5. When something really amuses you, you react with:
HBK: genuine shock, since I can count on one hand the number of times I've been amused from stuff around HERE.
(a) a big, appreciative laugh
(b) a laugh, but not a loud one
(c) a quiet chuckle
(e) a sheepish smile
HHH: Where did "d" go?
X-Pac: Maybe the other bigger letters scared it away.
6. When you go to a party or social gathering, you:
HBK: Get drunk, then stumble around blindly.
HHH: Walk past the bathroom and laugh maniacally as I watch Sean puking his lungs out after just ONE measely little beer!
X-Pac: Hey, I can handle more than one...I think...
(a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
Bret: and then wonder why they're all pointing and laughing.
(b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
HHH: and when you realize you have no friends, you admit defeat and hit the wine coolers.
(c) make quietest possible entrance and try to stay unnoticed
HBK: Even when there's that REALLY cute blonde hitting on you?
7. You are working hard, concentrating hard. You are interrupted. You:
X-Pac: Flip out and strangle the person who walked in.
Bret: Works for me!
(a) welcome the break
(b) feel extremely irritated
(c) vary between these two extremes
8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
HBK: The VERY pretty shade of purple Bret's face was when he was in the Sharpshooter!
(a) red or orange
(b) black
X-Pac: You know, clinical tests have proven that most with a favorite color of black have some sort of mental diffeciency?
HHH: It's fun to analyze people you don't know, isn't it?
(c) yellow or light blue
(d) green
(e) dark blue or purple
(f) white
(g) brown or gray
Bret: since when were brown and gray related?
9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep,you lie:
HBK: About my income tax refund.
(a) stretched out on your back
(b) stretched out face down on your stomach
(c) on your side, slightly curled
HHH: Trying to DESPERATELY cling to what little piece of the blanket you've been left to work with.
(d) with your head on one arm
(e) with your head under the covers
X-Pac(wailing): I don't WANNA go to school! NO!
10. You often dream that you are:
Bret: Putting Shawn in a Sharpshooter until I hear his kneecap pop!
HBK: I'm putting Bret in a Sharpshooter and humiliating him before millions of fans worldwide! Oh, wait...I did that...
Bret: So help me, Shawn, you WILL burn in Hell for that!
(a) falling
HHH(singing): Now I'm freeeeee....free falling....
(b) fighting or struggling
X-Pac: Bret fights his conscience all the time when he's trying to decide the important things in life, like pepperoni or sausage on the pizza.
Bret: Hey, it's a tough choice!
(c) searching for something or somebody
HBK: Like Bret's dignity.
Bret: Shawn's humility.
(d) flying or floating
(e) You usually have a dreamless sleep
HHH: Wouldn't you be dead in that case?
(f) Your dreams are always pleasant
X-Pac: Well it's good to know SOME people's are, anyhow.
POINTS: 1. (a) 2
(b) 4
(c) 6
HBK: You guys really wanna go through all this?
HHH: Not in particularly, no.
HBK: Good. (reaches under seat and pulls out a remote control, aims it at the screen, and it fast-forwards with the others looking at Shawn in a mixture of confusion and anger)
Bret: Whoa, whoa, wait a minute...you've had a remote there this whole time?
HBK: Yeah...why?
Bret: And we've been actually wasting our time MiSTing this crap?!
HBK: Well it can only be used every great once in a while.
Bret: But....but...
HBK: Shhhhh...the post is coming back.
Add the total number of points.
X-Pac: Points? My answers were, in order, blue, tree, computer, Cheese Whiz, and Alex Trebek.
HHH(puzzled): Blue? How'd you get blue? I got green!
X-Pac: Really?
OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care."
HBK: And put a sticker on your nose that says fragile.
You are seen as vain, self-centered, and extremely dominant.
Bret: Shawn...PURELY out of curiosity..how many points did you get again?
Others may admire you and wish they could be more like you, but they don't always trust you and hesitate to become too deeply involved with you.
X-Pac:Well I guess that WOULD be Shawn.
FROM 51 TO 60 POINTS: Your friends see you as
HHH: frightening.
an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, quick to make decisions (though not always the right ones).
Bret: Or sensible ones, or...Hell, even ones that make the LEAST bit of sense!
They see you as bold and venture some,
HBK: venture some? Venture where?
someone who will try anything once; someone who takes a chance and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.
X-Pac: Radiate? What, are you nuclear?
FROM 41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting;
Bret: Well, that all but guarantees it's not Shawn.
someone who is constantly the center of attention,but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to your head.
HBK: Me?
All(sans HBK): HAHAHAHAHAHA!
HBK: HEY!
They see you also as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who will cheer them up and help them out.
FROM 31 TO 40 POINTS: Other people see you as sensible, cautious, careful, and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest.
X-Pac: Why, thank you for describing me!
Not a person who makes friends too quickly or too easily, but someone who is extremely loyal to the friends you do make and who expects the same loyalty in return.
HHH: And gets his ass kicked on national television because he was COMPLETELY oblivious to the hints being dropped for two months!
X-Pac: Shut up! It's not MY fault they make me look like that!
Those who really get to know you realize that it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but, equally, that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is broken.
Bret: So get a book deal to whine about it and stop sending us spam!
FROM 21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very, very
HBK: Stupid.
cautious and extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.
HHH: Plodder? They see you as a plowhorse?
It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every side and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction on your part is caused partly by your careful nature and partly by laziness.
X-Pac: So what's wrong with that?
UNDER 21 POINTS:
HHH: then you can't buy beer.
People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs to be looked after,
Bret: Someone who needs to be put in diapers...
HBK: Swish!
X-Pac: That wasn't my fault, EITHER!
who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything. They see you as a worrier, who sees problems that don't exist.
HHH: Sure. People always think you're crazy when you bring up about those shadow-lurking monsters until they mysteriously turn up missing!
Some people think you're boring.
HBK: Like I think that Sean is boring!
Only the people who know you well know that you aren't.
HBK: But that's where we differ. I've known Sean for years and I STILL don't think differently!
X-Pac: Hey!
Now forward this to everyone you know
Bret: What if they don't have an email address?
HHH: That's when you go back to the traditional means of chain letters.
--make sure you put your score in as the subject and you send your score back to the
X-Pac: Cursed rock from under which it came!!
one who sent it to you.
X-Pac: Well, same difference.
Kay Lynn Mangum
klmangum@infowest.com
HBK: What did we learn from this, boys?
HHH: Never trust anyone with the last name of Mangum?
Bret: You're STILL an arrogant jerk?
X-Pac: Bret's paranoid?
HBK: Exactly! Now that we've determined all is right with the world, how about we go and light some candles, toast some smore's, and sing campfire songs!
All: Yeah!
(all, singing Koombyah, exit theater)
[1...2...3...4...5...6...]
[exit theater]
[end]